dAVe80 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Hit a new low at work today with the state of the toilets. Someone had smeared shit on the outer cubicle door handle. The offending shit smeared toilet paper was on the floor. So, by my methods of Colombo-esque detective skills I have deduced that said dirty bastard had wiped their arse, then opened the cubicle, smeared the filth laden toilet roll on the handle, threw the paper on the floor, pulled up their trousers and left. Scum. In a previous job, someone smeared "I hate my job" in shit, on the inside of a toilet cubical door. To this day, I still wonder if they did it with their finger, a piece of paper, used a full turd as some kind of horrendous sharpie, or had amazing control of their sphincter muscles, and fired it straight from the cannon. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimzk5 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Hit a new low at work today with the state of the toilets. Someone had smeared shit on the outer cubicle door handle. The offending shit smeared toilet paper was on the floor. So, by my methods of Colombo-esque detective skills I have deduced that said dirty bastard had wiped their arse, then opened the cubicle, smeared the filth laden toilet roll on the handle, threw the paper on the floor, pulled up their trousers and left. Scum. I really cant help but think that in 6 months time you will have a fight club/shutter island revelation and realise that it has been you all along, in some schizophrenic rebuttal at having trouble with your arse 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Hit a new low at work today with the state of the toilets. Someone had smeared shit on the outer cubicle door handle. The offending shit smeared toilet paper was on the floor. So, by my methods of Colombo-esque detective skills I have deduced that said dirty bastard had wiped their arse, then opened the cubicle, smeared the filth laden toilet roll on the handle, threw the paper on the floor, pulled up their trousers and left. Scum. I really cant help but think that in 6 months time you will have a fight club/shutter island revelation and realise that it has been you all along, in some schizophrenic rebuttal at having trouble with your arse I wish I could get it to that consistency I saw today. I'd like to think if it was me, I would just shit in my hands and hurl it across the office like an angry demented chimpanzee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Someone keeps doing stuff like that at my work. First it was all over the pan and the floor with their boxers dumped in the corner, then the other day he'd somehow left logs in both the cubicles that he covered with so much bog roll that they both wouldn't flush. The poor admin manager was doing his nut trying to flush them away. I don't understand how people hate their job so much they would go that far. That said, I very nearly walked out of my job today and keep daydreaming about jaw volleying the manager. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 (edited) My idea of Hell is being in somewhere like the Metro Centre, or Merry Hill, around about Christmas time.There's bound to be at least one good looking lady in there.Law of large numbers.Perhaps "large numbers" isn't what you want.Maths is hard. Edited April 7, 2015 by snowychap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 I'd like to think if it was me, I would just shit in my hands and hurl it across the office like an angry demented chimpanzee. This year's bonus must have been less than 10%!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dAVe80 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 My idea of Hell is being in somewhere like the Metro Centre, or Merry Hill, around about Christmas time. There's bound to be at least one good looking lady in there. Law of large numbers. Perhaps "large numbers" isn't what you want. Maths is hard. I don't care if they're good looking, if they're getting in my way, and making me have to stand in a long ass queue, in an overly warm shop, to buy shit I don't need. I really do hate shopping. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 (edited) .. Edited April 8, 2015 by snowychap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Beds where the end of the bed frame sticks up too high thus blocking my feet from hanging over and stopping me extending my legs, forcing me to sleep cramped up style like a cripple that's been pushed out of his wheelchair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted April 7, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted April 7, 2015 I realise this is a complaint right out of an 80's Seinfeld stad up routine, possibly with a dash of sexism thrown in, but... ... what is up with women stealing all the covers in bed. How does that even happen? And why does it happen all the **** time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 ... what is up with women stealing all the covers in bed. How does that even happen? And why does it happen all the **** time?Sounds like weak upper body strength.Perhaps you don't lift, bro? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted April 7, 2015 Share Posted April 7, 2015 Get 2 duvets, seriously. Can still share one when it's Business Time, but when it comes to the urgent matter of sleep, you don't get your cover stolen. It also solved the problem of identifying a tog rating that suits both of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 ... what is up with women stealing all the covers in bed. How does that even happen? And why does it happen all the **** time? It's biological. Goes back to our caveman days, we were the lucky ones absolutely smothered in body hair, the ladies not so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 (edited) When I'm casually trying to scroll down on tapatalk but accidentally, ever so slightly swipe sidewards and then there is no way to avoid it skipping the page. Edited April 8, 2015 by Wainy316 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted April 8, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted April 8, 2015 ... what is up with women stealing all the covers in bed. How does that even happen? And why does it happen all the **** time? Sounds like weak upper body strength. Perhaps you don't lift, bro? Can't be that. When it happens I military press her and throw her down the stairs. Don't even break a sweat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 8, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted April 8, 2015 When I'm casually trying to scroll down on tapatalk but accidentally, ever so slightly swipe sidewards and then there is no way to avoid it skipping the page. When at the bottom of the page on Tapatalk and about to hit the. 'next page' arrow, and and an advert link appears at the last microsecond under my finger. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 When I'm casually trying to scroll down on tapatalk but accidentally, ever so slightly swipe sidewards and then there is no way to avoid it skipping the page. When at the bottom of the page on Tapatalk and about to hit the. 'next page' arrow, and and an advert link appears at the last microsecond under my finger. so that's how you explain your internet dating site history to the missus! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islingtonclaret Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 SLEAFORD MODS WHY? WHY YOU RUIN PRODIGY ALBUM? WHY YOU ABOUT TO RUIN NEW LEFTFIELD ALBUM THAT I HAVE PREORDERED SIGNED? SLEAFORD MODS, WHY? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 you could overwrite every song with a man taking a shit and it would still sound better than any prodigy album. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
islingtonclaret Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 That's not like you to be extremely opinionated and obnoxious Classic CED. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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