Follyfoot Posted September 21, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted September 21, 2021 On 25/08/2021 at 19:04, Mark Albrighton said: It’s a pretty shitty thing for her to do I think. Whether one should confess to an affair, or whether you keep quiet, leaving the other person in blissful ignorance and the person who had the liaison should quietly suffer the guilt…there are valid arguments to both sides. But it’s certainly not the place for this woman to tell someone she doesn’t know. Especially as she knows a child is now involved. Spiteful. A friend of mine had a knock on the door years ago watching tele with his wife who was six months pregnant with twins by his spurned knock off who had just found out she was pregnant as well by said fella. They split up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 A standing cock has no conscience. That’s what my grandad always said to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 2 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said: A standing cock has no conscience. That’s what my grandad always said to me. I like the one “god gave men a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to use one at a time”. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobzy Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, HanoiVillan said: The key is in bold. If the situation has been really and frankly discussed (not one person hinting at it but not really and trying to maintain plausible deniability later, but actually cards-on-the-table discussed) then this person has permission, and should feel free to use it. Slightly disappointed at the number of responses saying this person shouldn't go through with it. Real relationships are complicated, and lifelong monogamy isn't for everybody. The wife may be doing the best that she can to help preserve the long-term future of the relationship by giving permission, and the long-term future of the relationship might be better secured if the husband does have sex with others, as long as they are clear and upfront about what they are doing. Valid points but, again, the key bit is in bold - why get married if lifelong monogamy isn't for you? There is absolutely no good that can come from "I'm horny so I'll shag someone else", unless the situation happens to change the marriage entirely and they become swingers/have an "open" relationship and somehow this works and doesn't end up with one party getting jealous. Would be interesting to know how the discussion came to a resolution of "go and shag someone else, but not my sister or my friends". Is this something that he suggested? Alarm bells, if so. Edited September 21, 2021 by bobzy 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 Urgh. Men are repulsive sometimes. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 13 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Urgh. Men are repulsive sometimes. With regards to my post, Im hoping it was plainly obvious I wasn’t being serious and it was purely for effect. I don’t think for a second anyone actually thought I was recommending him to do what I said? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 2 minutes ago, Ingram85 said: With regards to my post, Im hoping it was plainly obvious I wasn’t being serious and it was purely for effect. I don’t think for a second anyone actually thought I was recommending him to do what I said? Not you mate. The situation. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted September 21, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted September 21, 2021 10 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Not you mate. The situation. I mean, I don't think he should do it... but it sounds like it was the wife's idea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Follyfoot Posted September 21, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted September 21, 2021 6 hours ago, Davkaus said: I'm not sure "but you said it was ok" is going to go down if (when) she changes her mind and feels betrayed, so the safest bet is taking her up on it but lying about it, not only getting his end away but appearing to be a caring and considerate husband. This kind of makes sense, a bit of give-and-take. I will suggest this to him 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 (edited) 49 minutes ago, bobzy said: Valid points but, again, the key bit is in bold - why get married if lifelong monogamy isn't for you? There is absolutely no good that can come from "I'm horny so I'll shag someone else", unless the situation happens to change the marriage entirely and they become swingers/have an "open" relationship and somehow this works and doesn't end up with one party getting jealous. Would be interesting to know how the discussion came to a resolution of "go and shag someone else, but not my sister or my friends". Is this something that he suggested? Alarm bells, if so. It seems to me that deep down, the chances of her being ok with her husband shagging someone else cos she’s not in the mood are absolutely tiny. Newsflash, sometimes women say things they don’t mean. Edited September 21, 2021 by Genie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Zen Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 I guess I’m kind of a hardline monogamist, so yeah, don’t do it. Too much potential for remorse and hurt feelings. Not worth it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 16 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: I mean, I don't think he should do it... but it sounds like it was the wife's idea She came on the internet and aired it to X amount of other people did she? This is information I'm sure she'd be pissed as a fart about if she knew if it was on some bastard forum. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post lapal_fan Posted September 21, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 21, 2021 Of course she doesn't mean it, but she's saying it because she probably feels very guilty not being able to give sex as freely as her partner apparently expects. I feel absolutely sorry for her. Imagine feeling shit enough about yourself that you'd actually suggest your "life" partner should go and have sex with someone else. **** hell man. Why this private conversation is even being debated (?) shows levels of the person. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted September 21, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted September 21, 2021 10 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: She came on the internet and aired it to X amount of other people did she? This is information I'm sure she'd be pissed as a fart about if she knew if it was on some bastard forum. I thought you meant the situation of her suggesting he shag someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted September 21, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted September 21, 2021 I'm with @lapal_fanon this. Not a single bit of this sits right with me. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted September 21, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted September 21, 2021 I think offering advice on how to proceed and saying you don't think it's a good idea is fair as advice was asked for (and to be honest I don't think it's a good idea). However I'm not sure we should be criticising or judging anyone on the basis of a few short paragraphs. There's an awful lot that goes on behind the scenes in long term relationship and we won't know any of that for this one. It's probably a difficult situation for all involved and who knows how people are trying to cope with it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 4 minutes ago, Rds1983 said: I think offering advice on how to proceed and saying you don't think it's a good idea is fair as advice was asked for (and to be honest I don't think it's a good idea). However I'm not sure we should be criticising or judging anyone on the basis of a few short paragraphs. There's an awful lot that goes on behind the scenes in long term relationship and we won't know any of that for this one. It's probably a difficult situation for all involved and who knows how people are trying to cope with it. I know! A FOOTBALL FORUM WILL HELP!!! Holy shit, go to a professional. Hey VT, what you reckon about this huge weeping mole on my back? I jest, partially. This is a very open forum and I'm amazed at some of the stuff that people write (about very personal issues), fair play, but when reading this one back it feels like a "humble brag" almost. "I know what the lads will love, an open relationship offer from the missus" (/Paraphrase) I'm kinda sat here thinking, shit dude, it's obvious there's been a real life one-to-one here between two people.. life changing really.. I wouldn't be airing it, if it was me, but y'know, I'm not good looking and successful and have a miniscule of respect for my wife, so there's that. Good luck to the happy couple, whatever the outcome. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Xela Posted September 21, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 21, 2021 Relationships are complicated, but the fact she's lost her sex drive because of the 'change' and not because she doesn't like you, or is withholding sex as a punishment, means it would wrong for the bloke to look elsewhere. Just support your wife through it and have a wank instead. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 2 minutes ago, Xela said: Relationships are complicated, but the fact she's lost her sex drive because of the 'change' and not because she doesn't like you, or is withholding sex as a punishment, means it would wrong for the bloke to look elsewhere. Just support your wife through it and have a wank instead. Seems I could do with one as well tbh, reading back. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted September 21, 2021 Share Posted September 21, 2021 (edited) I don’t think it’s all that uncommon for women and even men to go off sex and turn a blind eye to their loved ones getting it elsewhere. Some may even be fine with it. After all it’s only sex isn’t it. I’m not saying it’s that easy because it isn’t. There can be a lot of resentment and hurt and the man/woman having the sex may fall in love with someone else. A big can of worms more than likely , but it does work for some couples. p.s Its a shame and must be horrible for both parties. Well I hope the fella feels horrible about the situation. Some people need sex it’s as simple as that. Some can go without and just wank themselves silly. Edited September 21, 2021 by Rugeley Villa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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