CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Shut up shop and be alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PieFacE Posted October 3, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted October 3, 2015 Well, without going into things in too much detail and risk sounding like a hopeless romantic pussy, tonight was pretty crushing I wish life was more like the movies. Booooo. Sorry to hear that buddy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Well, without going into things in too much detail and risk sounding like a hopeless romantic pussy, tonight was pretty crushing I wish life was more like the movies. it could be worse, ive been with my missus 6 years today, now how depressing is that chin up mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakemineVanilla Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Well, without going into things in too much detail and risk sounding like a hopeless romantic pussy, tonight was pretty crushing I wish life was more like the movies. In my experience it is definitely blokes who are the hopeless romantic pussies but they do their absolute best never to reveal it, with varying success. Women are the opposite. They spend a lot of time and energy trying to demonstrate that they are romantic but are in fact are far more practical, status-orientated and pragmatic. What men consider to be romantic gestures, a lot of women see as proof of commitment. Once you accept these realities you might see rejection as predictable rather than a reflection of your value as a person. So don't take it personally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Thanks for the words fellas. I really shouldn't come on VT when I'm drunk and upset. That's two threads I've moaned about essentially the same thing.Clearly I need to start relaxing and play the game more. It's difficult to go against your natural instincts though I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakemineVanilla Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Thanks for the words fellas. I really shouldn't come on VT when I'm drunk and upset. That's two threads I've moaned about essentially the same thing. Clearly I need to start relaxing and play the game more. It's difficult to go against your natural instincts though I guess. Actually, I think that is exactly when you should write about how you feel. Better out than in, as they say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Albrighton Posted October 3, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted October 3, 2015 Showing them that you're a good guy but appearing not to be that fussed towards them romantically seems to be the general idea. Easier said than done if you really like them though. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Yup. Romance is like business, you have to show interest but also give the vibe that they're lucky to have your attention. That hint of arrogance is very appealing.Easy to say... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakemineVanilla Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 (edited) Yup. Romance is like business, you have to show interest but also give the vibe that they're lucky to have your attention. That hint of arrogance is very appealing. Easy to say... The one thing both men and women dread is getting stuck with someone who comes across as too needy. Pitching the conversation at the right level of banality and trying to come across as insouciant when you're gagging for it, are difficult skills to master. Edited October 4, 2015 by MakemineVanilla Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted October 4, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted October 4, 2015 Sod all that advice. Be unapologetically romantic, if it is who you are and if it is what you like.I find that what really matters is knowing what you want. People respond to that well. If you shuffle your feet and say 'I dunno' when the question is asked because you've over analysed every possible response, are preoccupied about what is and is not the right way to play whatever game it is people play, then you're done for. Some people like to play those games, and if you're one of them then hey, have a blast. If not, just jump into the deep end; if they're worth it they'll join you. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 all those people trying to fit in with what all these people tell them all those other people are looking for......I wonder how many compatible people have strolled passed each other in disguise trying to be the person they were told the other person was looking for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Yeah, and it'd be sod's law that the next girl you meet is actually looking for what you really are, but after so much rejection you change to try and fit in and she just thinks you're another player.I don't know. I like to think you shouldn't have to change for someone to want to be with you, but to be honest after the self-reflection I've been doing over the last couple of days I can kind of understand where this latest girl might be coming from. I know no-one is perfect, but I think there's a few things I need to rectify that could be stopping me from getting involved with someone emotionally. I have a few ideas what those things are, but Christ knows how I go about fixing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Albrighton Posted October 4, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted October 4, 2015 In my experience, I find that any changes in myself have occurred naturally with age. Comparing myself with how I was when I was 22, I'm 10 years older, have a lot less hair and am still maintaining my robust doughy physique, but I'm a lot more confident in myself. Negative experiences have given me a slightly more toughened stance, a little bit more bullet proof. This occasionally comes across as confidence and as such women seem more receptive to it. Having said all that, I am single with nothing on the horizon and if I met someone i really liked I will inevitably find an entirely new way to mess things up. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Yeah, and it'd be sod's law that the next girl you meet is actually looking for what you really are, but after so much rejection you change to try and fit in and she just thinks you're another player. I don't know. I like to think you shouldn't have to change for someone to want to be with you, but to be honest after the self-reflection I've been doing over the last couple of days I can kind of understand where this latest girl might be coming from. I know no-one is perfect, but I think there's a few things I need to rectify that could be stopping me from getting involved with someone emotionally. I have a few ideas what those things are, but Christ knows how I go about fixing it. No one has said that. It's really difficult to try and put into words what I'm trying to say/mean - Unfortunately I don't have the appropriate vocabulary to express it, much to my own frustration. Essentially, you don't/shouldn't have to change your personality, you don't/shouldn't have to change who you are and the perception of yourself to find "the one", you have to be yourself, otherwise you'll be found out for not really being that person, eventually. What you can change is your approach to someone you like. Don't be one of these people who waits next to the phone - live normally, give the appropriate responses, but don't be "what'cha doin?" every 5 minutes. Not that I think you'd be like that anyway, but you do seem a little needy for something now. Be a bit more confident maybe? And by that I don't mean wear shades indoors, but maybe just become happy with YOU and you'll naturally give off a confidence. If you're happy in your own skin, then you're half way there. You're alright man, you don't need to change anything apart from maybe over analysing things. I watched a good episode of Fraiser a few days ago, he was being given a lifetime achievement award for his radio show, and one of his old professors sent him a bouquet with a note that read "you must be proud" - to which Fraiser's insecurities lead him to believe that it was a sarcastic message. This lead him to find the guy out who then told him that it was his secretary that wrote the note, and that the mere fact Fraiser had gone to look for him to answer the question means he's insecure and doesn't believe he deserves the award. I think what I'm trying to say is - don't think too hard - you'll never know what's going on in someone else's head, so live your life the way you think is right and eventually all the pieces will fall into place. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 5, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted October 5, 2015 TL;DR Go to a brothel 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 lapal says it well. I was neurotic and probably a bit needy in my early twenties, always over eager to ensure I wasn't **** up, which naturally pissed the hell out of the girls I was dating then. "Are you ok?" / Analysing texts etc - all that really annoying shit that if someone did to me would drive me nuts. Having a couple of spells mid twenties on-wards where I was single for a good while, I learned just to enjoy my own company but also to be more confident in living my life without requiring some form of validation from a relationship. After a break up last year I took more time off, and when I went back into the dating scene, was also far more open minded, about not trying to look for someone who ticked off a great long list of compatibility requirements and I've been lucky enough to now find someone I fully expect to do the whole marriage and kids thing with. Take time for yourself, do the social activities you enjoy doing, occasionally try something new - for the sake of doing something new - not to just try and meet more women - broaden your experiences a little and learn to like you a little bit more. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakemineVanilla Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Yeah, and it'd be sod's law that the next girl you meet is actually looking for what you really are, but after so much rejection you change to try and fit in and she just thinks you're another player. I don't know. I like to think you shouldn't have to change for someone to want to be with you, but to be honest after the self-reflection I've been doing over the last couple of days I can kind of understand where this latest girl might be coming from. I know no-one is perfect, but I think there's a few things I need to rectify that could be stopping me from getting involved with someone emotionally. I have a few ideas what those things are, but Christ knows how I go about fixing it. No one has said that. It's really difficult to try and put into words what I'm trying to say/mean - Unfortunately I don't have the appropriate vocabulary to express it, much to my own frustration. Essentially, you don't/shouldn't have to change your personality, you don't/shouldn't have to change who you are and the perception of yourself to find "the one", you have to be yourself, otherwise you'll be found out for not really being that person, eventually. What you can change is your approach to someone you like. Don't be one of these people who waits next to the phone - live normally, give the appropriate responses, but don't be "what'cha doin?" every 5 minutes. Not that I think you'd be like that anyway, but you do seem a little needy for something now. Be a bit more confident maybe? And by that I don't mean wear shades indoors, but maybe just become happy with YOU and you'll naturally give off a confidence. If you're happy in your own skin, then you're half way there. You're alright man, you don't need to change anything apart from maybe over analysing things. I watched a good episode of Fraiser a few days ago, he was being given a lifetime achievement award for his radio show, and one of his old professors sent him a bouquet with a note that read "you must be proud" - to which Fraiser's insecurities lead him to believe that it was a sarcastic message. This lead him to find the guy out who then told him that it was his secretary that wrote the note, and that the mere fact Fraiser had gone to look for him to answer the question means he's insecure and doesn't believe he deserves the award. I think what I'm trying to say is - don't think too hard - you'll never know what's going on in someone else's head, so live your life the way you think is right and eventually all the pieces will fall into place. I never have quite understood what people mean by the expression 'be yourself'; it always seems simplistic. People always talk as if there is only one authentic self but there is absolutely no evidence for that. I have never known anyone who is exactly the same person in the company of everyone they know. People are substantially different dependent upon who they are with. I would say that you know you are with the right person when they bring out the most broad and comfortable aspects of yourself. When people demand that you be 'yourself' all they are saying is be the person you are with me, while ignoring the fact that that particular persona is just one of many. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said: We have as many personalities as we have friends. PS That Frasier episode is one of my favourites - the Freudian exchange he has with his old prof is just brilliant writing. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Yeah, and it'd be sod's law that the next girl you meet is actually looking for what you really are, but after so much rejection you change to try and fit in and she just thinks you're another player. I don't know. I like to think you shouldn't have to change for someone to want to be with you, but to be honest after the self-reflection I've been doing over the last couple of days I can kind of understand where this latest girl might be coming from. I know no-one is perfect, but I think there's a few things I need to rectify that could be stopping me from getting involved with someone emotionally. I have a few ideas what those things are, but Christ knows how I go about fixing it. No one has said that. It's really difficult to try and put into words what I'm trying to say/mean - Unfortunately I don't have the appropriate vocabulary to express it, much to my own frustration. Essentially, you don't/shouldn't have to change your personality, you don't/shouldn't have to change who you are and the perception of yourself to find "the one", you have to be yourself, otherwise you'll be found out for not really being that person, eventually. What you can change is your approach to someone you like. Don't be one of these people who waits next to the phone - live normally, give the appropriate responses, but don't be "what'cha doin?" every 5 minutes. Not that I think you'd be like that anyway, but you do seem a little needy for something now. Be a bit more confident maybe? And by that I don't mean wear shades indoors, but maybe just become happy with YOU and you'll naturally give off a confidence. If you're happy in your own skin, then you're half way there. You're alright man, you don't need to change anything apart from maybe over analysing things. I watched a good episode of Fraiser a few days ago, he was being given a lifetime achievement award for his radio show, and one of his old professors sent him a bouquet with a note that read "you must be proud" - to which Fraiser's insecurities lead him to believe that it was a sarcastic message. This lead him to find the guy out who then told him that it was his secretary that wrote the note, and that the mere fact Fraiser had gone to look for him to answer the question means he's insecure and doesn't believe he deserves the award. I think what I'm trying to say is - don't think too hard - you'll never know what's going on in someone else's head, so live your life the way you think is right and eventually all the pieces will fall into place. I never have quite understood what people mean by the expression 'be yourself'; it always seems simplistic. People always talk as if there is only one authentic self but there is absolutely no evidence for that. I have never known anyone who is exactly the same person in the company of everyone they know. People are substantially different dependent upon who they are with. I would say that you know you are with the right person when they bring out the most broad and comfortable aspects of yourself. When people demand that you be 'yourself' all they are saying is be the person you are with me, while ignoring the fact that that particular persona is just one of many. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said: We have as many personalities as we have friends. PS That Frasier episode is one of my favourites - the Freudian exchange he has with his old prof is just brilliant writing. I agree to a certain extent, but if you show too many "faces" then you come across as false, or "not completely true", I know people that change significantly when in certain company and although I may really enjoy their company 90% of the time, when that person comes out, it turns me off them completely. I have certain friends I am one way and another set of friends where I'm inclined to go another way, but I'd still say I'm broadly the same person, I still have the same beliefs, opinions and maybe the only thing that I will change is whether I'm the youngest in the group, in which case, I get to be more cheeky By "be yourself" (although I agree it's an incredibly vague and not-that-helpful a saying), I mean don't go and buy a leather jacket and act like the Fonz when you go into a room, it won't suit you and you won't be able to cover it up. Still think the things you saying, but I agree wholeheartedly that you should "cater for your audience". For example I wouldn't speak to my parents, like I speak to my friends, likewise I can have proper gallows humour with my old man, but as soon as a woman comes into the room, the dynamic changes and our behaviours change to suit the scenario. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 it's a nightmare to be honest'just be yourself' they saidthen just hours later 'oooh, you can't cum over the fresh fish counter at Morrisons'absolute minefield 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 it's a nightmare to be honest 'just be yourself' they said then just hours later 'oooh, you can't cum over the fresh fish counter at Morrisons' absolute minefield You've done much better than that in the past - try again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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