Stevo985 Posted June 23, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted June 23, 2014 I think Stevo might have the right of it on this occasion. If you don't think you can just be friends with her then you need to tell her how you feel and nip it in the bud. I've been in a similar situation myself in the past and I kept telling myself that if I'm just an awesome friend to her she will see that and realise she should be with me. It didn't happen at all and I got the whole 'but I love you as a friend and wouldn't want to risk what we have,' spiel. Exactly this. I've been there myself. You think if you hang aorund and act great then she'll come around and fall for you. She won't. She'll more than likely eventually meet someone else and leave you looking like a tit. Her mind won't change overnight and she'll suddenly love you. If that is going to happen, then it'll happen by her realising she can either have you in a relationship or nothing at all. It's easier said than done, but tell her, and if she only wants you as a friend then tell her that's not good enough for you and leave her be. If you CAN just be friends, then by all means go for it. But I suspect if you've fallen for her then that will just be more painful than anything. It's so hard to break a friendship in that situation, but take it from someone who's been knee deep in the friendzone, it's by far the better option then getting your heart broken after 6 months because she's decided she is ready for a relationship, just not with you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakemineVanilla Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I think Stevo might have the right of it on this occasion. If you don't think you can just be friends with her then you need to tell her how you feel and nip it in the bud. I've been in a similar situation myself in the past and I kept telling myself that if I'm just an awesome friend to her she will see that and realise she should be with me. It didn't happen at all and I got the whole 'but I love you as a friend and wouldn't want to risk what we have,' spiel. Exactly this. I've been there myself. You think if you hang aorund and act great then she'll come around and fall for you. She won't. She'll more than likely eventually meet someone else and leave you looking like a tit. Her mind won't change overnight and she'll suddenly love you. If that is going to happen, then it'll happen by her realising she can either have you in a relationship or nothing at all. It's easier said than done, but tell her, and if she only wants you as a friend then tell her that's not good enough for you and leave her be. If you CAN just be friends, then by all means go for it. But I suspect if you've fallen for her then that will just be more painful than anything. It's so hard to break a friendship in that situation, but take it from someone who's been knee deep in the friendzone, it's by far the better option then getting your heart broken after 6 months because she's decided she is ready for a relationship, just not with you. I can't remember which comedian said it but it is certainly true that when it comes to relationships with women, a guy always has to avoid the mistake of taking that wrong turn, where you become the friend and not the lover. And friend is a tough role to play because you have to carry all the burden of listening and providing the emotional support, while some other guy gets all the fun. It is a miserable position to find yourself in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 you're 22, away from home and you've known her 5 minutes, do what makes you happy, not what others want you could tell her you're more than happy to be friends because that's allowing you to still sleep with other women you don't like as much as her - her reaction will probably dictate the rest of the evening Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I am currently living in Texas and I really know no one here. I just happened to meet this woman but pure chance and she also just happened to work 5 minutes away from me, be Czech, and live only about 20 miles away from my home. She made it pretty obvious that she was attracted to me and that she would eventually want some type of relationship with me but she said that right now if we dated, she would probably just push me away in a few weeks because of current issues which she did not expand on. Apparently she has some previous issues with men that left her untrusting so she wanted to take it slower with me which I was honestly fine with. I told her that if she wanted to take a few weeks just to hang out and get to know one another, I would, but then she told me all that. But now she is wanting to make these plans with me to different parts of the US to go site seeing with her. It's all so confusing because like I said, I don't know too many people here yet and this is a chance for me to bag myself a cute girl and a potential friend to keep me entertained. I am also not interested in just sleeping with random women. I experienced the partying life in my early 20s (not that 22 is late), but at this point I would just like a girlfriend. It so much simpler and easier. I am over the games women play with men and I just want a partner. Highlighted the main problem. Baggage already. Basically, she likes you but not enough to commit. She wants to keep you close as a friend, which means you won't be looking elsewhere but at the same time she is keeping her options open. Ultimately its your decision but talking from experience, this has the hallmarks of you being in the friendzone and then her hooking up with someone else later down the line and breaking your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Czechlad Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 I am currently living in Texas and I really know no one here. I just happened to meet this woman but pure chance and she also just happened to work 5 minutes away from me, be Czech, and live only about 20 miles away from my home. She made it pretty obvious that she was attracted to me and that she would eventually want some type of relationship with me but she said that right now if we dated, she would probably just push me away in a few weeks because of current issues which she did not expand on. Apparently she has some previous issues with men that left her untrusting so she wanted to take it slower with me which I was honestly fine with. I told her that if she wanted to take a few weeks just to hang out and get to know one another, I would, but then she told me all that. But now she is wanting to make these plans with me to different parts of the US to go site seeing with her. It's all so confusing because like I said, I don't know too many people here yet and this is a chance for me to bag myself a cute girl and a potential friend to keep me entertained. I am also not interested in just sleeping with random women. I experienced the partying life in my early 20s (not that 22 is late), but at this point I would just like a girlfriend. It so much simpler and easier. I am over the games women play with men and I just want a partner. Highlighted the main problem. Baggage already. Basically, she likes you but not enough to commit. She wants to keep you close as a friend, which means you won't be looking elsewhere but at the same time she is keeping her options open. Ultimately its your decision but talking from experience, this has the hallmarks of you being in the friendzone and then her hooking up with someone else later down the line and breaking your heart. Definitely don't want that. I guess I'll just say what I have to say and see how it goes. Thanks for all the responses. This actually helped me out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Your best advice would be not to listen to a bunch of cynical old men on a football forum! Ultimately no one knows the situation better than you and you've got to make the decision that you feel comfortable with 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chrisp65 Posted June 23, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted June 23, 2014 anonymous strangers on a football forum is THE place to get all your relationship advice and medical diagnosis since I've been here I've bought a big **** off Ford Granada, dhutwu, caught 4 different types of aids and got the neighbour's dog to love pate all whilst never losing a bet on the horses and regularly shagging the dyson with a stickle brick up my backside - I've also met 15 different people all with the inside line on who has bought the Villa 23 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Not sure what has driven me to post here, but I have a question. Met a girl last week. We were together a lot over the weekend getting to know one another and what not. She has called me attractive and I admitted to her I fancied her which apparently made he very happy. Pretty much we have both made it very apparent that we like one another. She texted me last night asking what we should do going forward relationship wise. I told her that I wanted to get to know her more and that I would gladly make her my girlfriend but she told me that she is not ready for a relationship. She also told me that she does not want to just make me someone she sleeps with because she likes me more than that. So now I am in this strange situation where I don't know what to do. I quite like her. She is Czech, cute and smart. I am 22 and I haven't had a serious relationship in nearly 2 years now so I would have liked this to work out, but I am in a situation where I just don't know what is right. She told me that maybe if we took the summer to get to know one another, she might be ready to be in a relationship after that but she is not sure. I don't want to have to push aside feelings for a long period of time especially if it will all be for not. I just am really lost to be honest. DHUTWU. Beat me to it you little sod 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adw95 Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 Not sure what has driven me to post here, but I have a question. Met a girl last week. We were together a lot over the weekend getting to know one another and what not. She has called me attractive and I admitted to her I fancied her which apparently made he very happy. Pretty much we have both made it very apparent that we like one another. She texted me last night asking what we should do going forward relationship wise. I told her that I wanted to get to know her more and that I would gladly make her my girlfriend but she told me that she is not ready for a relationship. She also told me that she does not want to just make me someone she sleeps with because she likes me more than that. So now I am in this strange situation where I don't know what to do. I quite like her. She is Czech, cute and smart. I am 22 and I haven't had a serious relationship in nearly 2 years now so I would have liked this to work out, but I am in a situation where I just don't know what is right. She told me that maybe if we took the summer to get to know one another, she might be ready to be in a relationship after that but she is not sure. I don't want to have to push aside feelings for a long period of time especially if it will all be for not. I just am really lost to be honest. DHUTWU. Beat me to it you little sod Post on poster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevangrealish Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 What? I remember when I thought this haha you will learn what it means in time my friend. Whether you would be interested remains the question... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyM3000 Posted June 25, 2014 Share Posted June 25, 2014 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 Right, 12 months will have passed next tuesday so I'm thinking of doing something nice on the Friday as we are both off. I'll get a card & flowers for next tuesday and stick £50 in it and then next Friday ill take her to brum for a day of shopping & relaxing before taking her to opus restaurant about 8ish on the night. Would that be a good 1st year anniversary idea? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Are you intending to charge her £50? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Anyone intending to crash Ingram's date - you now have a place, date and time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I would not of announced what restaurant I was going to, especially the time and date as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Stevo985 Posted June 27, 2014 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted June 27, 2014 Right, 12 months will have passed next tuesday so I'm thinking of doing something nice on the Friday as we are both off. I'll get a card & flowers for next tuesday and stick £50 in it and then next Friday ill take her to brum for a day of shopping & relaxing before taking her to opus restaurant about 8ish on the night. Would that be a good 1st year anniversary idea? Money in a card? Come on son. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Money in a card? For your Girlfriend? Does this happen? 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Money in a card is fine but if you do that then you must insist she pays for the meal out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Folski Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Get her a voucher for a spa or clothes shop instead of the cash Ingy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 I was a romantic sod when I first got with mine, after about a year though it slowly starts to go down hill and the misery and rot sets in. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts