Things you often Wonder

[tom_avfc]

2 minutes ago, HanoiVillan said:

Random question, but -

People familiar with Cannock Chase, what would be the quietest car park, do you think?

Collymore is probably your man. Drop him a tweet! 

[HanoiVillan]

1 minute ago, tom_avfc said:

Collymore is probably your man. Drop him a tweet! 

Haha yes, I see how it looks like that, but this is not for al fresco fun . . . well, not that sort, anyway.

[Seat68]

6 hours ago, HanoiVillan said:

Random question, but -

People familiar with Cannock Chase, what would be the quietest car park, do you think?

They are all very busy at the moment. Depending where you want to go up the chase. We use Satnall Hills Car Park. It gets overlooked so fewer people use it. 

[Follyfoot]

6 hours ago, HanoiVillan said:

Random question, but -

People familiar with Cannock Chase, what would be the quietest car park, do you think?

Seven springs is not too bad

[sidcow]

22 hours ago, tom_avfc said:

Collymore is probably your man. Drop him a tweet! 

My very first thought, I'm glad I read the next post before responding.

[GarethRDR]

On 03/04/2021 at 09:32, Rds1983 said:

How many people born in the last 20/25 years can appreciate this (which pops up in my head way to often) :

 

And how many in general know it's 'golaco' and not 'goal lazio' (took me way to long yo find that one out). 

^Just edges out Goal Scoring Superstar Hero from SWOS as my go-to slice of football nostalgia.

 

[Stevo985]

Something I genuinely wonder often, I have an idea for a novel, or a novella most likely. Football based, so probably something I could genuinely write (I'm sure it would be shit).

But I'm not sure if I've got the basic premise from a story that already exists. But I can't find anything on google. And I don't want to tell anyone in case it's a really good idea  

So I just wonder if I should just write it and then let the accusations of copyright infringement roll in

Edited April 8, 2021 by Stevo985

[mjmooney]

10 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

Something I genuinely wonder often, I have an idea for a novel, or a novella most likely. Football based, so probably something I could genuinely write (I'm sure it would be shit).

But I'm not sure if I've got the basic premise from a story that already exists. But I can't find anything on google. And I don't want to tell anyone in case it's a really good idea  

So I just wonder if I should just write it and then let the accusations of copyright infringement roll in

[Stevo985]

28 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

My novella would be crap but it'll be a damn sight better than that!

 

(On a side note I'd highly recommend the podcast "Quickly Kevin Will He Score" when they do read throughs of the Steve Bruce novels. Absolutely hilarious)

[bickster]

1 hour ago, Stevo985 said:

Something I genuinely wonder often, I have an idea for a novel, or a novella most likely. Football based, so probably something I could genuinely write (I'm sure it would be shit).

But I'm not sure if I've got the basic premise from a story that already exists. But I can't find anything on google. And I don't want to tell anyone in case it's a really good idea  

So I just wonder if I should just write it and then let the accusations of copyright infringement roll in

I'm fairly confident you can't copyright a plot.

[Mark Albrighton]

It was a typical day on the training ground. The gaffer was overseeing the squad as they went through their paces. It had been a good start to the new season, the team had won their first five matches with their star striker Stevo having scored seventeen goals already.

There was a concern from the coaching staff that the players might be becoming overconfident. The manager watched as Stevo scored another from the halfway line and wanted to make an example of this talented youngster with his rugged good looks that has captured the country’s heart and imagination. He waited as the applause from the latest effort died down before shouting across.

“Stevo!!! Enough of the showboating! I expect proper graft from everyone in this squad, including you. I don’t care if you are the guy men want to be and women want to be with. When you’re training with me, you’ve gotta pull yer socks up!!!”

“Socks?” Stevo replied with a wry smile, “Let me tell you about socks....”

[Stevo985]

1 hour ago, Mark Albrighton said:

It was a typical day on the training ground. The gaffer was overseeing the squad as they went through their paces. It had been a good start to the new season, the team had won their first five matches with their star striker Stevo having scored seventeen goals already.

There was a concern from the coaching staff that the players might be becoming overconfident. The manager watched as Stevo scored another from the halfway line and wanted to make an example of this talented youngster with his rugged good looks that has captured the country’s heart and imagination. He waited as the applause from the latest effort died down before shouting across.

“Stevo!!! Enough of the showboating! I expect proper graft from everyone in this squad, including you. I don’t care if you are the guy men want to be and women want to be with. When you’re training with me, you’ve gotta pull yer socks up!!!”

“Socks?” Stevo replied with a wry smile, “Let me tell you about socks....”

So my plot DOES already exist

[Rds1983]

5 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

So my plot DOES already exist

I think to be safe you better post it on here for us to read. 

[lapal_fan]

"we were 2-0 down at half time and I knew a ruddy good rollocking was afoot.

As I walked into the dressing room, I sat behind Kevo, who was a giant brick shithouse of a man.. Like, seriously, he made Akinfenwa look like a child.

The gaffer came in (we like to call our manager "the gaffer", because we saw it once in a footballing book and it felt really cool), his eyes scanned the room several times.  He couldn't see me behind Kevo, as I sat back to back with him, and my knees tucked up into my chest.

"WHERE IS THAT clearing in the woods?!" he yelled. 

I nudged Kevo with my elbow into the small of his back to prompt him to say something.

"Whom gaffer?  Whom is it you are searching for?" (Kevo was a right smartarse)

"LAP YOU DONUT! HE SPENT THE LAST 45 **** MINUTES SHOOTING TOWARDS HIS OWN GOAL, SCORING TWO.. ADMIITTEDLY STUNNING GOALS IN THE PROCESS!!! THE SECOND ONE IN PARTICULAR WOULD HAVE BEEN A HIGHLIGHT HAD IT HAVE BEEN IN THE OPPONENTS GOAL!!" - he was very concise was, gaffer. 

It was as soon as gaffer finished shouting I did a rather large pump, and because my knees were tucked upwards, it created the perfect angle for a audible tone.

My eyes widened, knowing gaffer would have heard it

"PARDON ME!" shouted Kevo.

His response was so quick, the gaffer bought it.

"THANK YOU KEVO, FOR YOUR HONESTY.  I WOULD HAVE BLAMED THE WRONG PERSON HAD YOU NOT ADMITTED THAT TRUMP.  BECAUSE OF THE HARD SURFACES IN THIS CHANGING ROOM, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS SMOGGY OVER THERE."  He pointed at Smoggy, who was famed for his loose sphincter muscles, often causing him to trump.

For some unknown reason, the gaffer singling out poor Smoggy for his lack of arse control made me think of all the bad things happening in the world, and I sensitively began to cry.  It was a sort of, odd cry to start with, very sniffley, but I was soon sobbing at all of the injustices in the world. 

I stood up from behind Kevo..

"I'm sorry for crying everyone.  And gaffer, I'm sorry for scoring two own goals, but I forgot we were playing in a competitive F.A sanctioned match because there's no crowd, I just thought we were having a laugh.. But let me ask you this Gaffer (his real name was Gaffer Waffer, so occasionally I'd call him by his real name for important moments like this)"

I paused, the whole dressing room was focused on me and I knew I had to hit this out of the ball park - or else I would be sold to another football club, maybe somewhere like Altricingham or something..

"Is this football match as important as all of the bad things happening in the (pause)... ENTIRE WORLD??!!!!" 

BOOM - I had dropped a bomb.  Not just any bomb, but a really big one, even bigger than the Tsar bomb, which from a Google informs me is the biggest testing bomb ever, so pretty big really..

Kevo, who was also by now, crying - started to clap and chant "LAP IS THE BEST, Da, Da, Da! LAP IS THE BEST, Da, Da, Da!" 

After about 10-15 minutes, Smoggy joined in, then Jaffer, then Bagsy, then Joy, then Mavis, then Battersby, then Rafkins, then Vice, then the chair man and after about another 45 minutes, Gaffer joined in too! 

Boy was I happy.

I was surrounded by every footballer in the world, all of the refs and everyone.. chanting MY name.

The Gaffer eventually said "LAP, YOU'RE RIGHT, THOSE TWO GOALS MEAN SHIT ALL - HERE, HAVE A NEW CONTRACT WHICH GUARANTEES YOU TO BE THE TOP PAID FOOTBALLER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

I turned around and said "Cheers", went out for the second half on my own and beat the Charlton under 9s girls team all on my own... 15-2.

After the game, I went up the steps of Wembley (we were playing at Wembley, I forgot to put) and the main person from FIFA gave me a trophy the size of a narrow boat and said "Congratulations Lap, you've won all of the trophies around the world in history".

I turned around and smirked and said "yep, I have" 

and all the fit women went out with me.

The end

(5* "Incredible writing style, his prose are excellent an'that - the Independent) 

(10/10 - "the best book ever, even better than the bible" - Charlton Heston)

(9/9 - "I am tall" - a Giraffe called Edward, Kidderminster Safari Park) 

[Designer1]

It's like a shit episode of Athletico Mince in here.

[BOF]

34 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

"we were 2-0 down at half time and I knew a ruddy good rollocking was afoot.

As I walked into the dressing room, I sat behind Kevo, who was a giant brick shithouse of a man.. Like, seriously, he made Akinfenwa look like a child.

The gaffer came in (we like to call our manager "the gaffer", because we saw it once in a footballing book and it felt really cool), his eyes scanned the room several times.  He couldn't see me behind Kevo, as I sat back to back with him, and my knees tucked up into my chest.

"WHERE IS THAT clearing in the woods?!" he yelled. 

I nudged Kevo with my elbow into the small of his back to prompt him to say something.

"Whom gaffer?  Whom is it you are searching for?" (Kevo was a right smartarse)

"LAP YOU DONUT! HE SPENT THE LAST 45 **** MINUTES SHOOTING TOWARDS HIS OWN GOAL, SCORING TWO.. ADMIITTEDLY STUNNING GOALS IN THE PROCESS!!! THE SECOND ONE IN PARTICULAR WOULD HAVE BEEN A HIGHLIGHT HAD IT HAVE BEEN IN THE OPPONENTS GOAL!!" - he was very concise was, gaffer. 

It was as soon as gaffer finished shouting I did a rather large pump, and because my knees were tucked upwards, it created the perfect angle for a audible tone.

My eyes widened, knowing gaffer would have heard it

"PARDON ME!" shouted Kevo.

His response was so quick, the gaffer bought it.

"THANK YOU KEVO, FOR YOUR HONESTY.  I WOULD HAVE BLAMED THE WRONG PERSON HAD YOU NOT ADMITTED THAT TRUMP.  BECAUSE OF THE HARD SURFACES IN THIS CHANGING ROOM, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS SMOGGY OVER THERE."  He pointed at Smoggy, who was famed for his loose sphincter muscles, often causing him to trump.

For some unknown reason, the gaffer singling out poor Smoggy for his lack of arse control made me think of all the bad things happening in the world, and I sensitively began to cry.  It was a sort of, odd cry to start with, very sniffley, but I was soon sobbing at all of the injustices in the world. 

I stood up from behind Kevo..

"I'm sorry for crying everyone.  And gaffer, I'm sorry for scoring two own goals, but I forgot we were playing in a competitive F.A sanctioned match because there's no crowd, I just thought we were having a laugh.. But let me ask you this Gaffer (his real name was Gaffer Waffer, so occasionally I'd call him by his real name for important moments like this)"

I paused, the whole dressing room was focused on me and I knew I had to hit this out of the ball park - or else I would be sold to another football club, maybe somewhere like Altricingham or something..

"Is this football match as important as all of the bad things happening in the (pause)... ENTIRE WORLD??!!!!" 

BOOM - I had dropped a bomb.  Not just any bomb, but a really big one, even bigger than the Tsar bomb, which from a Google informs me is the biggest testing bomb ever, so pretty big really..

Kevo, who was also by now, crying - started to clap and chant "LAP IS THE BEST, Da, Da, Da! LAP IS THE BEST, Da, Da, Da!" 

After about 10-15 minutes, Smoggy joined in, then Jaffer, then Bagsy, then Joy, then Mavis, then Battersby, then Rafkins, then Vice, then the chair man and after about another 45 minutes, Gaffer joined in too! 

Boy was I happy.

I was surrounded by every footballer in the world, all of the refs and everyone.. chanting MY name.

The Gaffer eventually said "LAP, YOU'RE RIGHT, THOSE TWO GOALS MEAN SHIT ALL - HERE, HAVE A NEW CONTRACT WHICH GUARANTEES YOU TO BE THE TOP PAID FOOTBALLER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

I turned around and said "Cheers", went out for the second half on my own and beat the Charlton under 9s girls team all on my own... 15-2.

After the game, I went up the steps of Wembley (we were playing at Wembley, I forgot to put) and the main person from FIFA gave me a trophy the size of a narrow boat and said "Congratulations Lap, you've won all of the trophies around the world in history".

I turned around and smirked and said "yep, I have" 

and all the fit women went out with me.

The end

(5* "Incredible writing style, his prose are excellent an'that - the Independent) 

(10/10 - "the best book ever, even better than the bible" - Charlton Heston)

(9/9 - "I am tall" - a Giraffe called Edward, Kidderminster Safari Park) 

[bickster]

12 minutes ago, BOF said:

You just called him Dick!

[Designer1]

26 minutes ago, BOF said:

He used to scare the shit out of me when I was a nipper. Always thought he looked evil in that getup 

[Stevo985]

1 hour ago, lapal_fan said:

"we were 2-0 down at half time and I knew a ruddy good rollocking was afoot.

As I walked into the dressing room, I sat behind Kevo, who was a giant brick shithouse of a man.. Like, seriously, he made Akinfenwa look like a child.

The gaffer came in (we like to call our manager "the gaffer", because we saw it once in a footballing book and it felt really cool), his eyes scanned the room several times.  He couldn't see me behind Kevo, as I sat back to back with him, and my knees tucked up into my chest.

"WHERE IS THAT clearing in the woods?!" he yelled. 

I nudged Kevo with my elbow into the small of his back to prompt him to say something.

"Whom gaffer?  Whom is it you are searching for?" (Kevo was a right smartarse)

"LAP YOU DONUT! HE SPENT THE LAST 45 **** MINUTES SHOOTING TOWARDS HIS OWN GOAL, SCORING TWO.. ADMIITTEDLY STUNNING GOALS IN THE PROCESS!!! THE SECOND ONE IN PARTICULAR WOULD HAVE BEEN A HIGHLIGHT HAD IT HAVE BEEN IN THE OPPONENTS GOAL!!" - he was very concise was, gaffer. 

It was as soon as gaffer finished shouting I did a rather large pump, and because my knees were tucked upwards, it created the perfect angle for a audible tone.

My eyes widened, knowing gaffer would have heard it

"PARDON ME!" shouted Kevo.

His response was so quick, the gaffer bought it.

"THANK YOU KEVO, FOR YOUR HONESTY.  I WOULD HAVE BLAMED THE WRONG PERSON HAD YOU NOT ADMITTED THAT TRUMP.  BECAUSE OF THE HARD SURFACES IN THIS CHANGING ROOM, I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS SMOGGY OVER THERE."  He pointed at Smoggy, who was famed for his loose sphincter muscles, often causing him to trump.

For some unknown reason, the gaffer singling out poor Smoggy for his lack of arse control made me think of all the bad things happening in the world, and I sensitively began to cry.  It was a sort of, odd cry to start with, very sniffley, but I was soon sobbing at all of the injustices in the world. 

I stood up from behind Kevo..

"I'm sorry for crying everyone.  And gaffer, I'm sorry for scoring two own goals, but I forgot we were playing in a competitive F.A sanctioned match because there's no crowd, I just thought we were having a laugh.. But let me ask you this Gaffer (his real name was Gaffer Waffer, so occasionally I'd call him by his real name for important moments like this)"

I paused, the whole dressing room was focused on me and I knew I had to hit this out of the ball park - or else I would be sold to another football club, maybe somewhere like Altricingham or something..

"Is this football match as important as all of the bad things happening in the (pause)... ENTIRE WORLD??!!!!" 

BOOM - I had dropped a bomb.  Not just any bomb, but a really big one, even bigger than the Tsar bomb, which from a Google informs me is the biggest testing bomb ever, so pretty big really..

Kevo, who was also by now, crying - started to clap and chant "LAP IS THE BEST, Da, Da, Da! LAP IS THE BEST, Da, Da, Da!" 

After about 10-15 minutes, Smoggy joined in, then Jaffer, then Bagsy, then Joy, then Mavis, then Battersby, then Rafkins, then Vice, then the chair man and after about another 45 minutes, Gaffer joined in too! 

Boy was I happy.

I was surrounded by every footballer in the world, all of the refs and everyone.. chanting MY name.

The Gaffer eventually said "LAP, YOU'RE RIGHT, THOSE TWO GOALS MEAN SHIT ALL - HERE, HAVE A NEW CONTRACT WHICH GUARANTEES YOU TO BE THE TOP PAID FOOTBALLER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

I turned around and said "Cheers", went out for the second half on my own and beat the Charlton under 9s girls team all on my own... 15-2.

After the game, I went up the steps of Wembley (we were playing at Wembley, I forgot to put) and the main person from FIFA gave me a trophy the size of a narrow boat and said "Congratulations Lap, you've won all of the trophies around the world in history".

I turned around and smirked and said "yep, I have" 

and all the fit women went out with me.

The end

(5* "Incredible writing style, his prose are excellent an'that - the Independent) 

(10/10 - "the best book ever, even better than the bible" - Charlton Heston)

(9/9 - "I am tall" - a Giraffe called Edward, Kidderminster Safari Park) 

Busy day?

[lapal_fan]

1 hour ago, Designer1 said:

It's like a shit episode of Athletico Mince in here.