brommy Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 2 hours ago, Seat68 said: Size of a cow by the Wonderstuff. It’s occurred to me how mischievous it would be for a wedding DJ to encourage women on to the dance floor with Beyoncé, proclaim “this one’s for you girls!” and then mix from Single Ladies to Size Of A Cow. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomav84 Posted May 19, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted May 19, 2021 was best man to a mate of mine a few years back. was absolutely shitting it at the thought of a speech so naturally i did the sensible thing and got wasted...we're talking 6 pints and 2 bottles of red pre-speech wasted. i remember nothing from the point where i stood up but apparently, i actually somewhat coherently delivered said speech. the rest of the night is a blur, though i do remember attempting to partake in the barn dance that followed. apparently i was politely asked to remove myself from the dance floor. fortunately another mate (not the groom) spending the evening propositioning one of the bridesmaids with his wife sat the other side of him stole my thunder. they're still together believe it or not. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 1 hour ago, AVFC_Hitz said: I got married in St Antoine church in Istanbul. They guaranteed the church for 500 lira which is a bargain for one of the top tourist attractions in the city. What they couldn't guarantee was stopping tourists as the ceremony was finishing. So at the end, I'm stood in a line for 20 minutes as her family members pin money and gold on my lapels. Another 20 minutes pass and I'm still having my hand shaken. Her family and guests totalled nearly a hundred...so I think I'm still going through them. Then another 20 minutes passes as Japanese tourists came to shake my hand with cameras around their necks. There's camera rolls in Japanese villages with a picture of large bloke wishing people would **** off. Haha, same happened to us when we were posing for wedding pics outside Oxford Town Hall. Loads of East Asian tourists snapping us and coming over to us. Wonder how many camera rolls we're on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 My missus paid the evening DJ half is fee with the explicit condition he would only get the other half at the end of the evening on two conditions: He didn’t play any novelty shit like the birdie song. He didn’t play any requests from me or my mates. Warning signs. Warning signs. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted May 19, 2021 Moderator Share Posted May 19, 2021 1 hour ago, chrisp65 said: My missus paid the evening DJ half is fee with the explicit condition he would only get the other half at the end of the evening on two conditions: He didn’t play any novelty shit like the birdie song. He didn’t play any requests from me or my mates. Warning signs. Warning signs. And you married that fun sponge. Nothing like a bit of the Bloodhound Gang's 'Bad Touch' to liven up a dance floor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 8 minutes ago, BOF said: And you married that fun sponge. Nothing like a bit of the Bloodhound Gang's 'Bad Touch' to liven up a dance floor. To be fair, it was at a time when we all felt honour bound to either play Soft Cell’s Tainted Love on repeat until someone went postal or, play Eton Rifles, in which case as soon as we recognised what it was, we all threw chairs it was a shrewd move on her part, we would have spoiled it for the nan’s and the kiddies we still have a sum total of about 3 records in common in our collections 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 8 hours ago, NoelVilla said: That would be a great story from a wedding It almost was 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 6 hours ago, HanoiVillan said: No, you're right to call me up on that, in retrospect I'm 99% sure he said 'when [Groom's Name] plants his seed in [Bride's Name]'. He also made reference, in his long and rambling sermon, to 'when I'm sneaking around the resort, doing what I'm not supposed to be doing' and just written down that doesn't look so bad, but you'll just have to trust me when I say he delivered it in a way that made it sound very much like he was peeking at the housemaids in the showers or something. I guess I'd seen Spotlight not very long before this, so perhaps I wasn't at my most charitable, but everybody else picked up on this as well, it was all anyone talked about for the next 24 hours. Eesh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maqroll Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 6 hours ago, Mark Albrighton said: I think on balance, I’d have preferred him to say “inseminate” than “plant his seed”. At least he didnt say "Do her up the wrong 'un"! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bickster Posted May 19, 2021 Moderator Share Posted May 19, 2021 7 hours ago, Wainy316 said: Haha, same happened to us when we were posing for wedding pics outside Oxford Town Hall. Loads of East Asian tourists snapping us and coming over to us. Wonder how many camera rolls we're on. Used to happen to me getting the milk off the step. F***ing B**tles fans 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peckham Wanderer Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 19 hours ago, HanoiVillan said: Best wedding disaster I've witnessed was at my sister-in-law's wedding. They got married in Cancun, which was great, we had a week in a 5-star all-inclusive resort and I never paid a penny, so no complaints. Anyway, my brother-in-law is Irish, and he's catholic, but his family more so, and it meant a lot to them to have a proper catholic wedding with a real priest. Luckily, it turned out the resort had its own real catholic priest, who was an American who, to my mind, seemed to be on the run from something. He gave a long, rambling sermon filled with bizarre metaphors and imagery, and then rounded it all off by inviting the assembled audience of family members to consider what a golden moment it would be when the groom inseminated the bride Was at a wedding in the West of Ireland, years ago. Bride was a friend from work, they used the local, rather elderly priest, who fell asleep a few times during (the very long) service & made 2 references to "Sinead O'Connor's bastard child"! God only knows, we all looked at each other, shocked & then started to get the giggles... I'm also @ the beginning of the wedding video, outside the church having a smoke, calling one of my co-workers a rocket polisher 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted May 19, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted May 19, 2021 5 hours ago, maqroll said: At least he didnt say "Do her up the wrong 'un"! Not a VT member then. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HanoiVillan Posted May 19, 2021 Share Posted May 19, 2021 2 hours ago, Peckham Wanderer said: Was at a wedding in the West of Ireland, years ago. Bride was a friend from work, they used the local, rather elderly priest, who fell asleep a few times during (the very long) service & made 2 references to "Sinead O'Connor's bastard child"! God only knows, we all looked at each other, shocked & then started to get the giggles... I'm also @ the beginning of the wedding video, outside the church having a smoke, calling one of my co-workers a rocket polisher When I did one of my earlier teacher training qualifications, I was assessed by a guy who kept falling asleep during the classes. Then he'd comment about your teaching after you'd finished, as if he hadn't been fast asleep, visible to everyone. It was funny, but also really **** annoying to be honest. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tegis Posted May 19, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted May 19, 2021 All these stories make me glad I don't remember 80% of my wedding. It was probably fine 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post tonyh29 Posted May 19, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted May 19, 2021 Our wedding was great ,being from the South of Hungary and a small village , a lot of Mrs H’s family had never met English people before … they had the perception that we would all be shy and reserved , say “how do you do” a lot and drink tea i think it’s safe to say those perceptions don’t exist any longer , as it involved a long weekend away in Budapest and none of my mates / family had ever been before , we had about 60 people come over from the U.K. who clearly came to Hungary to enjoy themselves … somehow ,we even had a long jump contest on the dance floor around 2 am .. yeah I know !!, it was just someone decided the carpet colour scheme looked like a long jump track and the rest is history as they say one of my mates made a little video of the weekend , I’d kinda forgotten about it and found it in a cupboard the other day , I literally had tears of laughter watching it … I see a lot of these weddings now on social media where it seems to be about who can choreograph the best wedding dance or spend the most money , I think they miss the point , ours was about laughter and friendship … oh and about me punching well above my weight according to my mates 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pez1974 Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 12 hours ago, Tegis said: All these stories make me glad I don't remember 80% of my wedding. It was probably fine Yep. My (second) wedding was meant to be on a cruise ship - but it caught fire just before we were due to fly out, so we rearranged for a few months later. Still had the bash in the UK though, even though we now weren't married. As I was living away from Brum, my mates all came up and stayed at the hotel. My (soon to be) wife was running around putting things in place whilst I got hammered. I'm told I made a speech that evening, which was news to me. Most memorable part of the weekend? Cahill volley against the Scum the next day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted May 20, 2021 Moderator Share Posted May 20, 2021 20 minutes ago, Pez1974 said: Most memorable part of the weekend? Cahill volley against the Scum the next day. I still remember where I was when I saw that goal. A pub I was never in before or since, in the middle of (a shithole called...) Rochfortbridge. I still get annoyed that we sold him because Zat Knight came in for decent money and Cahill was deemed surplus. Jesus H. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mottaloo Posted May 20, 2021 Share Posted May 20, 2021 Collected a parcel from my next door neighbour just now. She (late 30s, blonde buxom milf and very pretty) opens the door in trackie bottoms and vest top, apologises for her outfit as she's decorating. She then bends forward to pick up my parcel and its all i can do not to reach out and catch them before they fall out ! She took her time picking it up too.... I think i said thanks for taking in my package but it probably sounded more like "flibble wibble dribble !" or some other gibberish 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted May 20, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted May 20, 2021 13 minutes ago, mottaloo said: Collected a parcel from my next door neighbour just now. She (late 30s, blonde buxom milf and very pretty) opens the door in trackie bottoms and vest top, apologises for her outfit as she's decorating. She then bends forward to pick up my parcel and its all i can do not to reach out and catch them before they fall out ! She took her time picking it up too.... I think i said thanks for taking in my package but it probably sounded more like "flibble wibble dribble !" or some other gibberish I'd pop round again later on some pretext if I were you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tegis Posted May 20, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted May 20, 2021 1 hour ago, mottaloo said: Collected a parcel from my next door neighbour just now. She (late 30s, blonde buxom milf and very pretty) opens the door in trackie bottoms and vest top, apologises for her outfit as she's decorating. She then bends forward to pick up my parcel and its all i can do not to reach out and catch them before they fall out ! She took her time picking it up too.... I think i said thanks for taking in my package but it probably sounded more like "flibble wibble dribble !" or some other gibberish - Oh miss, you dropped something -Thank you - No, thank YOU 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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