Parenting Corner: The joys and trials of raising little Villans

[StefanAVFC]

On 06/07/2024 at 22:18, Rustibrooks said:

So guys I just wanted some advice/tips about having your firstborn? 
 

Long story short, me and my missus are possibly expecting (done 3 pregnancy tests and the lines showed up on all 3 of them) we are due to go to our gp to do another test etc just to be sure. 
 

So I just was looking for some tips from not only my friends and family but here as well. 
 

Thanks in advance

Sleep now 

[AlwaysAVFC]

1 hour ago, mjmooney said:

I wouldn't worry just yet, their developmental rates vary wildly from one kid to another.  When my daughter was about the same age as your lad, we visited friends who had a son of the same age. My mate was quite worried, I remember him saying "Bloody hell, you can have a conversation with Alice, but Martin can barely speak coherently". Fast forward to today, and Martin has two masters degrees and is a teacher. 

@PieFacEI would echo what Mike says and about reading and writing. Take the professional help and advice but don't worry too much, just make sure you put in the effort with them.

Early on in school the teacher did speak to us about her speech. It was just some sound and words that she really struggled with but she's 7 now and I think she's mostly got it all, at least to the point I don't notice ever.

Likewise reading and writing, she has been a slow developer, last year at a parents evening the teacher did say there were some indicators of dyslexia that they were keeping an eye on but not to worry, which we weren't too much. However again we've put the effort in and she is coming on leaps and bounds. Not the top of the class but she was a July baby anyway so that can make things look worse than they are anyway. What we did find is we did all her sounds and then reading in the car once we've got to school. It was so hard to get her to do it and concentrate any other time of the day.

Edited July 8 by AlwaysAVFC

[one_ian_taylor]

30 minutes ago, Rustibrooks said:

Thank you guys so much for the tips/advice we really appreciate it. It sounds corny but you guys don’t know how much hearing your experience mean to me! 
 

We (me and my missus) barely argue, we have each others back a lot of the time and if we do have a disagreement then it’s solved quickly. We are excited but scared at the same time. 
 

We are already hands on in our relationship and we’ve both had family members that have recently had kids so we both have a bit of experience in being with babies. Although I know it’s nothing like being a parent yourself. 
 

We aren’t snobbish so we will be ok taking second hand baby stuff, that’s no issue. We are also quite head strong and can deal with quite a lot, although this is pretty unknown to us. We’ve spoken about the pressures of having a child and raising them, we’ve had people around recently that seemed fine in their relationship and then bang they’re on the verge of splitting up due to poor communication etc. 

Also our child supporting Villa is a non-negotiable , my missus is not the biggest football fan but I managed to also convert her into a Villa fan as well. 
 

But once again thank you guys so much for all the replies and advice we really appreciate it! 

Sounds like you are very conscientious and already thinking a lot about how you'll  want to be as parents, which will go a long way. I kind of get what others  are saying about not worrying too much and to go with the flow - personally I like being prepared, but don't mind too much when all the plans go out the window. You just work out a different way of doing things. 

[villa4europe]

44 minutes ago, Rustibrooks said:

We (me and my missus) barely argue, we have each others back a lot of the time and if we do have a disagreement then it’s solved quickly. We are excited but scared at the same time. 

the thing to remember is when your kid is having meltdowns and is an absolute terror because they are tired you might not realise it because you're a grown adult and in manifests itself in different ways but you and your missus are every bit as tired, when you find yourself bickering or arguing just know where you are and why and move on quickly

and never suggest that going to work each day is easier than her day off looking after the baby 

[Rustibrooks]

5 minutes ago, one_ian_taylor said:

Sounds like you are very conscientious and already thinking a lot about how you'll  want to be as parents, which will go a long way. I kind of get what others  are saying about not worrying too much and to go with the flow - personally I like being prepared, but don't mind too much when all the plans go out the window. You just work out a different way of doing things. 

Indeed! I think I’m naturally worrying about a lot of things but also really excited. I’m going to prepare as much as I can, we’ve both said we need to budget as best as we can. We do have a decent support group, mostly from my side of the family. I think the part about not 'worrying too much when plans don’t work out', will be relayed to my missus because she at times can beat herself up if something doesn’t work out the way it’s intended.

We’ve got a later GP appointment later today to I guess get a DR’s confirmation but we’ve both feel like she’s carrying. (She’s getting more nauseous as the days go on)

[one_ian_taylor]

22 minutes ago, Rustibrooks said:

Indeed! I think I’m naturally worrying about a lot of things but also really excited. I’m going to prepare as much as I can, we’ve both said we need to budget as best as we can. We do have a decent support group, mostly from my side of the family. I think the part about not 'worrying too much when plans don’t work out', will be relayed to my missus because she at times can beat herself up if something doesn’t work out the way it’s intended.

We’ve got a later GP appointment later today to I guess get a DR’s confirmation but we’ve both feel like she’s carrying. (She’s getting more nauseous as the days go on)

Massive generalisation,  but mums often seem to worry more, and dads often seem to take  more of an "it'll  be fine" approach. Definitely true of me and my wife most of the time. The beauty of it is that both approaches have their place, and parenthood has a brilliant way of making you feel like an idiot at times. I think this is summed up very nicely  by the "Swimming Pool" episode of Bluey. If you've  been around friends' children a lot, no doubt you're aware of Bluey. 

Other good TV watching - "the Let Down". 

[villa4europe]

34 minutes ago, one_ian_taylor said:

Massive generalisation,  but mums often seem to worry more, and dads often seem to take  more of an "it'll  be fine" approach. Definitely true of me and my wife most of the time. The beauty of it is that both approaches have their place, and parenthood has a brilliant way of making you feel like an idiot at times. I think this is summed up very nicely  by the "Swimming Pool" episode of Bluey. If you've  been around friends' children a lot, no doubt you're aware of Bluey. 

Other good TV watching - "the Let Down". 

and baby race

[Follyfoot]

15 hours ago, mjmooney said:

Don't worry, you get to do it all over again with grandchildren. 

Unless they can mate with their xbox's or seats in the Holte Mike, I do not hold out much hope on that front 

Edited July 8 by Follyfoot

[Follyfoot]

4 hours ago, villa4europe said:

I took my kids to one in turkey on holiday

I got them excited and they ran round screaming for Nemo Nemo Nemo...and they didn't have any  but my kids love animals 

did see something on social media a few weeks back that its stupid how one of the first things we teach our kids is animal noises, the cow goes moo, the duck goes quack - knowledge in life that they will never need - but surely everyone does that shit?

The opening verse to Bump the Elephant DVD that is etched on my mind for all eternity (along with the Greendale Rocket. Diesel 10 and pinchy and Mr bloody tumble) At least we had Sarah Jane Honeywell when mine were small 

Edited July 8 by Follyfoot

[lapal_fan]

3 hours ago, PieFacE said:

On a slightly different subject. Anyone have much experience with speech delay? 

My boy doesn't talk too well for his age, he understands most things we say to him but his pronunciation of words is quite poor. His mum and I can understand what he means when he wants something but that's due to being around him so much. It's become apparent that nursery don't have a **** clue what he's saying  

Part of me thinks it's not much to worry about as he's only 2 and a half, but when comparing his speech to other kids of a similar age at nursery, some are stringing together full sentences.

We've been referred to Language and Speech delay thing via NHS but there seems to be an insane waiting list for that, so not really expecting too much from it. Anyone been in a similar scenario and gone private for help?

We spent hundreds of pounds on speech therapy because Jack at the time never really spoke and when he did it was the wrong sounds.  Nursery suggested holding him back a year and going the NHS route, but the NHS thing wasn't good in our experience.  

They had a phone call with me and I said specific things and the letter we got back said the opposite of those things, like the person on the phone wasn't listening at all.  Then we took him to the place and it wasn't great either, they're just so busy with backlog we never really felt like we were a priority when we felt like we needed to be. 

The speech therapist we took him to was brilliant and whilst there's no real way of knowing if it was bad money spent, we saw enough improvement over the 8 weeks to not have to hold him back at nursery instead of going to school.

He's finishing reception soon, and is a good little reader - couldn't be prouder of him. 

[WakefieldVillan]

2 hours ago, Rustibrooks said:

We (me and my missus) barely argue, we have each others back a lot of the time and if we do have a disagreement then it’s solved quickly. We are excited but scared at the same time. 
 

I remember being in the hospital after our son was born and their was a young couple (late teens / early twenties) who'd just become parents and they were arguing like mad, the guy didn't want to know or be there. She was accusing him of cheating and it all turned a bit nasty to be honest. I felt for their young baby there and then, how his/her life would start, and more than likely being brought up with no father figure.

So I think it's very important you have a good solid relationship going into this as parenting can be hard, really hard and could be a real test for couples who are not on the same page and/or pulling their weight.

Luckily, my wife and I are the same, we just know our roles and if one's doing something (say, cooking tea) the other one will be getting our sons bath / milk / bed ready ETC. And it's just being on the same page with things like that 24/7 really (well except at night time - when he/she sleeps through, then you can switch off for a few hours, until it all starts again ).

I honestly don't know how single parents do it. Or ones with no outside help (Grandparents etc). If you have outside help that will be an added bonus for sure. We only have my wifes parents to help, but it does ease the strains now and again. There are times we just completely forget what it was like when before he was born, and all the freedom we had for holidays, TV, sports, meals out, socialising - And don't get me wrong there's maybe times when all you want to do is sit on the sofa and watch a box set in peace and quiet for a day, but you have a crying, screaming baby / toddler that needs your attention, and you're like f@#ksake, give me some PEACE! But then they'll either (as a baby) fall asleep in your arms or smile for the first time, or as a toddler (call out "daddy" for the first time) or you're running around chasing them, laughing / playing, having conversations and it's THE BEST MOMENTS EVER. That's the stage I'm at now. Unconditional love.  

Another one on the way, guessing the fun will really start then 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[chrisp65]

One thing I learned fairly quickly with the one of our kids, when I got asked a question, my first response had to be “and have you already asked your mum and what was her answer”.

Little shit was just getting a second opinion whenever they didn’t like the first answer.

[Rds1983]

On 08/07/2024 at 09:28, PieFacE said:

On a slightly different subject. Anyone have much experience with speech delay? 

My boy doesn't talk too well for his age, he understands most things we say to him but his pronunciation of words is quite poor. His mum and I can understand what he means when he wants something but that's due to being around him so much. It's become apparent that nursery don't have a **** clue what he's saying  

Part of me thinks it's not much to worry about as he's only 2 and a half, but when comparing his speech to other kids of a similar age at nursery, some are stringing together full sentences.

We've been referred to Language and Speech delay thing via NHS but there seems to be an insane waiting list for that, so not really expecting too much from it. Anyone been in a similar scenario and gone private for help?

Has anyone checked his hearing is okay? My nephew had speech delay and issues and it transpired he needed gromits being fitted in his ears at about 2/2.5 year's old. As soon as they were in his language shot on and he soon caught up.

[Rds1983]

On 08/07/2024 at 08:58, Genie said:

Have you been to Thomas Land at Drayton Manor? Loads of stuff for the little ones there (plus the zoo).

I took my son to Thomas Land for his 3rd birthday (might have been his 4th) and some one on one time.

He absolutely loved it and I would recommend. 

However, trying to get a kid to understand queuing for 45 minutes before getting on the ride was challenging and being 6 foot tall it was an experience trying to squeeze myself onto some of the rides with him as they are clearly not built for adults.

[TDR V2]

15 minutes ago, Rds1983 said:

I took my son to Thomas Land for his 3rd birthday (might have been his 4th) and some one on one time.

He absolutely loved it and I would recommend. 

However, trying to get a kid to understand queuing for 45 minutes before getting on the ride was challenging and being 6 foot tall it was an experience trying to squeeze myself onto some of the rides with him as they are clearly not built for adults.

I learnt when my lad was very young that carrying the bags is much more fun. I loved watching him on the little rides but I wasn't a fan of trying to squeeze into a seat not designed for me...I did the one in cbbs land that's in the trees, I did not like that but he was happy I did it with him. 

Now he's on the big rides I just carry the bags, he's goes on his own or with his mum.

[PieFacE]

2 hours ago, Rds1983 said:

Has anyone checked his hearing is okay? My nephew had speech delay and issues and it transpired he needed gromits being fitted in his ears at about 2/2.5 year's old. As soon as they were in his language shot on and he soon caught up.

Yeah i think that's what we're on a waiting list with the NHS for, think they'll do all sorts of checks if an appointment ever comes through.  Hopefully won't be too long.

Thanks for all the comments all! I'm sure it will all work out fine in the end. 

[Stevo985]

3 hours ago, Rds1983 said:

However, trying to get a kid to understand queuing for 45 minutes before getting on the ride was challenging 

Agreed. You forget that the entire concept of queueing is alien to them.

Because ours could just walk under the barriers that are there to guide the queue he just couldn't understand why we couldn't just get on the ride.

It was like "look we have to wait"
"No we don't we can just go under here" (His English is not that good but you get the picture)

 

Phones and snacks were a god send, and we only had to queue for about 20 mins max

[hogso]

Fourth visit to triage at maternity today, we're at week 29 this week. I wouldn't go so far as to say this pregnancy has been a nightmare but we are both desperate for it to be over at this point. It was always going to be an elective c-section, but due to a stubbornly low lying placenta, that decision would have been taken away from us at this stage. The question now is will they let us get as far as week 38 - not sure. The good news is mother and fetus are OK at the moment, bad news is our NHS trust will not settle on a c-section date until as late as possible. We have tri weekly scans from now on (31, 34, 37...if we get that far) so hoping for a decision after the 34 week scan which is on 14th August. 

[Seat68]

On 08/07/2024 at 08:54, Stevo985 said:

On another note, we did CBeebies land at Alton Towers last Monday with my lad. He's 2 and a half and he **** loved it. I'd highly recommend it.

Make sure you expose them to Postman Pat, Teletubbies, Duggy, Bluey and the Night Garden before you go. They're the main attractions there and it's much better when they know the characters.

Had a great time

When my grandson was 3 we went to Thomasland at Drayton Manor, he loved it, really loved it. A year later at Cbeebies, hated it. We, the adults thought Alton Towers was a lot better, he didnt though.

[hogso]

4 hours ago, Rds1983 said:

I took my son to Thomas Land for his 3rd birthday (might have been his 4th) and some one on one time.

He absolutely loved it and I would recommend. 

However, trying to get a kid to understand queuing for 45 minutes before getting on the ride was challenging and being 6 foot tall it was an experience trying to squeeze myself onto some of the rides with him as they are clearly not built for adults.

Surprised to hear that you had such a long wait time, you must have visited on a busy day. We've had season passes for Drayton Manor for over a year now and you generally don't get massive queues in Thomas Land. It's a good park, and the fact it has the trains (Thomas/Rosie/Percy line to the zoo and the train by Stormforce 10), a themed soft play, the 4D cinema (which has changed from Thomas to Roadrunner now) and the park as a whole is moving to firmly 'family' orientation means it's great value for under 10s. Vikings has the Sleipnir ride with an 85cm height restriction, the Sheriff Showdown has no height restriction, and the new coaster called Gold Rush is supposedly going to be 1 metre so there's certainly fun for the younger ones to be had away from T land too. 

I hope you didn't try to get in to the front seats on Harold! 

We went to Alton Towers last year for Cbeebies land too, and echo the above sentiments, if you know the shows it's a great day out. They did a celebration event thing earlier in the year and the Big Man himself was in attendance doing his normal routine (if you're familiar with it from the Butlins and festival circuit anyway) which must have been a massive bonus for those went specifically for that event. I refer to Justin Fletcher / Mr Tumble of course. 

It's also worth mentioned the Legoland Discovery centre in Brum. We did a dual ticket thing for there and Sealife, although you don't have to do both in the same day. It's really decent, there are two rides, lego building areas, builds of Midlands landmarks (included a Villa Park / St Andrews hybrid which is...interesting), and a 4D cinema. For reference my daughter is 3 and a half with only a passing interest in lego, and she loved it. They also do adult only events there too for the real saddos, oops, I mean enthusiasts (because normally you can't get in without a kid). 

Edited July 9 by hogso