Rds1983 Posted July 7 VT Supporter Share Posted July 7 15 hours ago, Rustibrooks said: So guys I just wanted some advice/tips about having your firstborn? Long story short, me and my missus are possibly expecting (done 3 pregnancy tests and the lines showed up on all 3 of them) we are due to go to our gp to do another test etc just to be sure. So I just was looking for some tips from not only my friends and family but here as well. Thanks in advance Enjoy being free before the baby arrives as doing anything after is suddenly 100 times harder. Practice carrying around a 5kg weight for several hours, your arms and back will thank you for it when the baby doesn't stop crying. Lean into it from the start. Changing diapers for the first few weeks is a lot easier than later on. Start with the easy stuff rather than the awful ones. It'll be the best thing you've ever done and you'll love it like crazy. But, it's important to remember that you might not love it like that from day one, for some people it takes a little longer to develop that bond and it might not occur until their personality starts coming through. Enjoy the little bits as time will fly past. Everyone says it but it's true. You and your partner might argue more and you might feel second best. Thats okay, things get back to normal. There will come a time, when you've not slept for 4 day's, you're tired and fed up and the baby just won't stop screaming. You might have the urge to run away or through it out the window. Having that urge doesn't make you a failure as a parent, it just makes you a human being and is a natural reaction. Just don't actually throw it out the window, the Mum might object to that. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted July 7 VT Supporter Share Posted July 7 Also, look into doing an NCT course. A lot of what they say is common sense, but it helps with meeting a load of people in the same situation as you. Especially for the Mum's, my wife loved knowing that when she was awake at 3am, she wasn't alone as someone else was doing it too and she could chat on WhatsApp. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreveryoung Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 @Rustibrooks No disrespect, but the above sounds like it was written by a postnatal mother. In reality it'll be the best, it's not as hard as is made out (not 1 anyway). Our lad was no problem, he is 9 now, but I understand for others it can be different. Yes you might have the odd sleepless night, but it'll all be worth it in the end, an it flies by, so treasure the early years and just make sure you work together. Also I feel you'll only need NCT courses if your really struggling, as it mostly all comes natural. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delphouneso Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 17 hours ago, Rustibrooks said: So guys I just wanted some advice/tips about having your firstborn? Long story short, me and my missus are possibly expecting (done 3 pregnancy tests and the lines showed up on all 3 of them) we are due to go to our gp to do another test etc just to be sure. So I just was looking for some tips from not only my friends and family but here as well. Thanks in advance Congrats! Echo a lot of what’s been said already. Women are incredible and what they go through is nuts, you’ll probably feel pretty helpless during the birth itself but you’ll have plenty of chances to make up for it afterwards. Also tea and toast is the best **** thing. Make the most of the midwives, they do an amazing job but they’re also a wealth of knowledge and reassurance and you’ll soon miss that bell when you’re home. Try and remember you’re a team, sounds simple but parenting can be rough, knowing you’re pulling for eachother really helps - keep an eye on one another and know when to tag in, allow yourselves a high five for the little wins. Also baby stuff depreciates like crazy, make the most of second hand markets / hand me downs. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tegis Posted July 7 VT Supporter Share Posted July 7 20 hours ago, Rustibrooks said: So guys I just wanted some advice/tips about having your firstborn? Long story short, me and my missus are possibly expecting (done 3 pregnancy tests and the lines showed up on all 3 of them) we are due to go to our gp to do another test etc just to be sure. So I just was looking for some tips from not only my friends and family but here as well. Thanks in advance Enjoy the **** out of it. Mine are suddenly 21 and 23. Time flies at an extraordinary pace. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted July 7 VT Supporter Share Posted July 7 3 hours ago, foreveryoung said: @Rustibrooks No disrespect, but the above sounds like it was written by a postnatal mother. In reality it'll be the best, it's not as hard as is made out (not 1 anyway). Our lad was no problem, he is 9 now, but I understand for others it can be different. Yes you might have the odd sleepless night, but it'll all be worth it in the end, an it flies by, so treasure the early years and just make sure you work together. Also I feel you'll only need NCT courses if your really struggling, as it mostly all comes natural. Curious how involved were you when your kid was a newborn? Did you change nappies, do night feeding, rock the kid to sleep etc? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
one_ian_taylor Posted July 7 VT Supporter Share Posted July 7 21 hours ago, Rustibrooks said: So guys I just wanted some advice/tips about having your firstborn? Long story short, me and my missus are possibly expecting (done 3 pregnancy tests and the lines showed up on all 3 of them) we are due to go to our gp to do another test etc just to be sure. So I just was looking for some tips from not only my friends and family but here as well. Thanks in advance Really exciting for you. Practical things: - Always carry with you: something that can mop up a large amount of unspecified bodily fluid, a snack, some form of distracting/comforting object - Make a birth plan together, but expect it to go out of the window (but if you've planned well, you'll be able to deal with that) - Secondhand stuff is great. - Batch cook a load of freezer meals for the first weeks, it's great to have tasty stuff without thinking or spending much - Get yourself something nice for yourself the weeks after the birth. For me, this was a new set of headphones and a load of Curb Your Enthusiasm DVDs, so I could sit happily with the baby sleeping on me while my wife also slept. Or I could do it without the headphones and expose my daughter to some very choice language (never too early to learn). - Make sure they support Villa Emotional things: - It's worth getting a bit of time for yourself now, but also some decent quality time together, because that will take you through some of the tougher times. - Hormones - it's the hormones talking a lot, and to an extent you just have to wear it and be patient - sounds blindingly obvious, but her experience of it all will be totally different from yours (prepare to be humbled by someone you thought had a very low tolerance time pain doing 13 hours on a hormone drip without epidural), but if you are used to seeing things in a similar way, it takes a bit if adjusting to - Given you've done 3 tests (all positive) and are looking for one more, it sounds like you like to be sure, or are very conscientious, or both - if so, remember there is no such thing as the perfect parent, you will get things wrong - it's OK (provided you keep them alive), but don't be too hard on yourself. Enjoy the good, learn from the bad (and laugh about it) - You're not alone - there is help. Actor other groups are good for making friends, and the shared experience really does matter (it's amazing how quickly you forget things, and people with older children soon get blase about it). But if things are really tough, get help. If you're in Birmingham, there's Acacia. My wife really wishes she had got in touch with them earlier after our second. And good luck! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post one_ian_taylor Posted July 7 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted July 7 5 hours ago, foreveryoung said: @Rustibrooks No disrespect, but the above sounds like it was written by a postnatal mother. In reality it'll be the best, it's not as hard as is made out (not 1 anyway). Our lad was no problem, he is 9 now, but I understand for others it can be different. Yes you might have the odd sleepless night, but it'll all be worth it in the end, an it flies by, so treasure the early years and just make sure you work together. Also I feel you'll only need NCT courses if your really struggling, as it mostly all comes natural. Yeah, don't bother learning about childbirth, things like induction, or episiotomy, or forceps deliveries, or caesarean sections are all totally natural. Thinking about it like that, it's hard to understand why so many women died in childbirth in the past. Total mystery 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rodders0223 Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 5 hours ago, foreveryoung said: @Rustibrooks No disrespect, but the above sounds like it was written by a postnatal mother. In reality it'll be the best, it's not as hard as is made out (not 1 anyway). Our lad was no problem, he is 9 now, but I understand for others it can be different. Yes you might have the odd sleepless night, but it'll all be worth it in the end, an it flies by, so treasure the early years and just make sure you work together. Also I feel you'll only need NCT courses if your really struggling, as it mostly all comes natural. It's absolutely the most difficult thing you'll ever do. You'll be pushed to the edge emotionally mentally and physically. It passes and every month gets easier and easier but it's stuff like this why people don't speak out. I'll tell anyone, the first 6 months of a babies life are some of the most hardest and depressing times you will experience and no I won't miss that stage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreveryoung Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 Is this another thread where we have to wave the white flag and follow a narrative. Everyone does not have it hard, and get pushed to the edge. As I said, me and my partner may have had it easier than others. So I certainly would'nt tell first timers it's gonna be a absolute nightmare, as above. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 48 minutes ago, rodders0223 said: It's absolutely the most difficult thing you'll ever do. You'll be pushed to the edge emotionally mentally and physically. It passes and every month gets easier and easier but it's stuff like this why people don't speak out. I'll tell anyone, the first 6 months of a babies life are some of the most hardest and depressing times you will experience and no I won't miss that stage. Agree and disagree It's crazy hard, easily the hardest thing you'll ever do, they break you physically and then mentally and 4 years later it doesn't get any easier, it's just constantly evolving, I'm now facing a little girl who is perfectly capable of holding a drink yet seemingly decides not to twice a day, they test you in a way that's hard to explain, the crying for absolutely no reason will drive you insane, it'll push the limit of you and your partner in ways that you never thought were imaginable, you will live in a permanent state of tiredness, my wife woke me up at 7.45pm tonight cos I fell asleep wile putting my daughter to bed And yet you put up with it because at the same time they're mostly absolutely incredible, you shape your life around them and move on from everything you were before, it will completely change your life and for me personally that's been a good thing, theres never been a single day that I've regretted it, for me it's gone the other way, I wish I'd had them younger and I wish I lived a life that let me have more, if I was a lottery winner with the money in the bank I'd have 6 (not sure my wife agrees...) I found a baby rewarding, you put the time and the love in and they give it back, seeing them react to you and love you back so fully without question is unlike anything else in life, I found myself taking the 5am feed in the morning so I could spend an hour with the baby before I went to work, it's a horrible brilliant time And FWIW toddlers are harder than babies, the tiredness is still there but toddlers bring frustration in to the mix "Can you put your shoes on please and then we'll go out and do something amazing that you'll absolutely love" somehow apparently means first pick up a book, then tell me about kindergarten yesterday, then play with your brother, then throw yourself on the floor and scream because it's wet outside meaning you need to wear your pink shoes rather than your flower shoes 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted July 7 VT Supporter Share Posted July 7 27 minutes ago, foreveryoung said: Is this another thread where we have to wave the white flag and follow a narrative. Everyone does not have it hard, and get pushed to the edge. As I said, me and my partner may have had it easier than others. So I certainly would'nt tell first timers it's gonna be an absolute nightmare, as above. I wish people had been more honest with me about how hard having a kid would be. 2 and a half years in and it continues to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s absolutely **** incredible, and I wouldn’t change a thing. But I was thoroughly unprepared for just how hard it would be. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 (edited) And my main advice is like most things in life, don't overthink it, don't over prepare, jump in with both feet, get stuck in, learn on the fly, know that there's no way of being perfect and everyone is just making it up as they go along and trying their best Don't avoid shitty nappies, don't make your wife do the night feeds if they're on a bottle, do it all If you are using bottles get a cool twister or something sort of gadget that is instant right temperature Edit - also don't get snobby over second hand clothes passed down, you'll burn through stuff like no tomorrow Edited July 7 by villa4europe 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreveryoung Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 3 hours ago, Rds1983 said: Curious how involved were you when your kid was a newborn? Did you change nappies, do night feeding, rock the kid to sleep etc? Naa mate I was out on the piss every night while my Mrs struggled??? Some have it hard, some have it easy, how difficult can it be to understand that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Follyfoot Posted July 7 VT Supporter Share Posted July 7 (edited) 23 hours ago, Rustibrooks said: So guys I just wanted some advice/tips about having your firstborn? Long story short, me and my missus are possibly expecting (done 3 pregnancy tests and the lines showed up on all 3 of them) we are due to go to our gp to do another test etc just to be sure. So I just was looking for some tips from not only my friends and family but here as well. Thanks in advance No need to prepare it’s all a blur until about they turn six even more so if you add another before then Things to watch out for Milk heaven - eyes roll to the back of their heads when they have had their fill. Jump on this as they will sleep for a fair amount of time, this is your time prepare for every small cough or ailment to be potential some form of killer disease (I held a glass to his skin and blah blah..) this usually happens when they are with their mother whilst you are trying to enjoy a pint with your father-in-law on Sunday afternoon Do not be amazed when they actually move in their cot and end up top to tail after months of doing nothing this is quite normal and it’s not something to celebrate as if your child is different from all the other If they have a reflux, please do not burp them with your mouth open as you will often end up with a mouth of milky sick after a few months, be prepared for the most foul smelling horrible nappies Expect them wanting to get up for the CBeebies build up from 5 am every day or if denied massive screaming fit as amazing as it is do not fall into the trap of thinking you are the only person to have ever had a child, it’s most grating and annoying If they do not walk after two weeks ignore every other parent who tells you their child was walking in the womb Once they can talk and they call you Dad, it is amazing but never tell them a secret because they blab to Mum The perfect age to get them down Villa Park is around about 10 if you do it any earlier they don’t really have any interest Edited July 7 by Follyfoot 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Follyfoot Posted July 7 VT Supporter Share Posted July 7 3 hours ago, Tegis said: Enjoy the **** out of it. Mine are suddenly 21 and 23. Time flies at an extraordinary pace. I would give all I own to have one more day with them when they were 6 and 4 ( now 20 and 18 ) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid4ever Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 7 minutes ago, Follyfoot said: I would give all I own to have one more day with them when they were 6 and 4 ( now 20 and 18 ) I have all those memories and now I feel even more when I see them them both live their lives with husband and soon to be daughter in law, they both make me feel so special and loved and I wouldn’t change either of them, I mean they are both VTTD, what more could a father want than to nurture that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 7 VT Supporter Share Posted July 7 28 minutes ago, Follyfoot said: I would give all I own to have one more day with them when they were 6 and 4 ( now 20 and 18 ) Don't worry, you get to do it all over again with grandchildren. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid4ever Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 4 minutes ago, mjmooney said: Don't worry, you get to do it all over again with grandchildren. Here’s hoping 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Albrighton Posted July 7 VT Supporter Share Posted July 7 On 06/07/2024 at 21:18, Rustibrooks said: So guys I just wanted some advice/tips about having your firstborn? Long story short, me and my missus are possibly expecting (done 3 pregnancy tests and the lines showed up on all 3 of them) we are due to go to our gp to do another test etc just to be sure. So I just was looking for some tips from not only my friends and family but here as well. Thanks in advance Congratulations dude. My offerings that I gave when my daughter was two. I stand by these. On 25/10/2018 at 21:47, Mark Albrighton said: It’s when they start crawling/walking that the game changes. Well, it was for me anyway. Based on my own offspring (so yours may be completely different) - For the first six or so months, don’t wear any clothes that you aren’t prepared to get sick or spittle on it. Don’t worry about soft cuddly toys until they’re around two years old. For the first eighteen months they’re more interested in cheap, noisy plastic toys. Take a small towel with you when you go to the park. It’ll save you having to change their clothes once they’ve gone down that soaking wet slide. When taking your kid for a walk with a view to get them asleep in the pram, you’ll become surprisingly annoyed when there aren’t any dropped kerbs, meaning the gentle sleepy ride is bumpier than you want. When combined, school holidays, wet weather and soft play centres are a special kind of hell. Side note - ball pits at soft play centres are nowhere near as much fun as they look. Generally, it’s somehow both easier and harder than you think it will be. But you’ll love it. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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