BOF Posted January 17, 2013 Moderator Share Posted January 17, 2013 Not sure if serious etc etc The one of those that it took me a while to get was "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted January 17, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted January 17, 2013 Me? I'm deadly serious. I didn't know what Down was. Which is kind of crucial to the joke.That Physics joke in there is incredible: Schrodinger and Heisenberg are in a car together when a cop pulls them over. The cop goes up to Heisenberg and says, "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg responds, "Not really, but I can tell you exactly where I was." "Well you were going 100mph", says the cop, to which Heisenberg replies "Great! Now I'm lost!" Thinking this was a strange response, the police officer decides to search the car. He says to Shrodinger, "Did you know there is a dead cat in your trunk?" To which Schrodinger replies, "Well I do now." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 A cow walks into a bar. Barman says : "why the long face"? Cow says : "Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 An 8 year old boy asks his local priest if wanking gives you muscles. Rather surprised, the priest replied "I don't think so my son, but don't stop I'm about to cum" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 What do a blowjob and a woolly jumper have in common? They both feel rough when you get them from your granny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted January 18, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted January 18, 2013 No burgers left on Tesco's shelves? Try their meatballs. They're the dogs bollocks. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 (edited) My hobby recreating aerial dogfights is really expensive. You're looking at between 80-90 helium filled balloons just to lift a pitbull. Edited January 23, 2013 by claretman 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 A fat, ugly, cross eyed ginger bird came dancing up next to me at a party. "So, where are you from, handsome?" she smiled. I said "Earth, what about you?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night. They were called "Bomb Jovi". They were brilliant. Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down. Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD. I was interested so I asked him "Can you burn me a copy?" Well that was when the trouble started... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted January 25, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted January 25, 2013 I went to see a Muslim tribute band last night. They were called "Bomb Jovi". They were brilliant. Their last song "Living on a Prayer Mat" almost brought the house down. Then this Muslim bloke started bragging about how he had the entire Koran on DVD. I was interested so I asked him "Can you burn me a copy?" Well that was when the trouble started... You joke, but I understand that there are real issues about deleting electronic versions of the Koran, destroying hard drives on which it is stored, etc. The lunacy never stops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted January 25, 2013 Moderator Share Posted January 25, 2013 You joke, but I understand that there are real issues about deleting electronic versions of the Koran, destroying hard drives on which it is stored, etc. The lunacy never stops.Stop the world, etc etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shillzz Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) Drinking Alcohol-free beer is a bit like performing cunnilingus on your sister. It tastes the same but you know it 'chunt right. Edited January 25, 2013 by Shillzz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted January 25, 2013 Moderator Share Posted January 25, 2013 Drinking Alcohol-free beer is a bit like performing cunnilingus on your sister. It tastes the same but you know it 'chunt right.I was thinking the exact same thing the other day. I was thinking "this is a lot like drinking alcohol-free beer". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shillzz Posted January 25, 2013 Share Posted January 25, 2013 I had debated which way round the joke should be played. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted January 25, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted January 25, 2013 (edited) It doesn't work though. The cunnilingus does taste the same (well, I'd imagine so), but the beer most definitely doesn't. Edited January 25, 2013 by mjmooney Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Husband comes home early from night-shift to find his wife in bed with the milkman. Husband grabs the milkman and takes him out to the garden shed.He puts the milkmans dick in the vice and locks the vice.He then goes over to the other end of the shed and returns with a hacksaw, and puts it down by the vice. Milkman: What?! you expect me to believe that you are going to cut my dick off. Husband: No,you are, I am going to set fire to the shed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 ^^ Its one of your better efforts...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 ^^ Its one of your better efforts...... The competition isn't fierce..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted January 28, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted January 28, 2013 Husband comes home early from night-shift to find his wife in bed with the milkman. Husband grabs the milkman and takes him out to the garden shed.He puts the milkmans dick in the vice and locks the vice.He then goes over to the other end of the shed and returns with a hacksaw, and puts it down by the vice. Milkman: What?! you expect me to believe that you are going to cut my dick off. Husband: No,you are, I am going to set fire to the shed. The KKK actually used to do that to (black) people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted January 28, 2013 Share Posted January 28, 2013 Husband comes home early from night-shift to find his wife in bed with the milkman. Husband grabs the milkman and takes him out to the garden shed.He puts the milkmans dick in the vice and locks the vice.He then goes over to the other end of the shed and returns with a hacksaw, and puts it down by the vice. Milkman: What?! you expect me to believe that you are going to cut my dick off. Husband: No,you are, I am going to set fire to the shed. "The chain in those handcuffs is high-tensile steel. It'd take you ten minutes to hack through it with this. Now, if you're lucky, you could hack through your ankle in five minutes. Go." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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