rjw63 Posted October 29, 2010 Share Posted October 29, 2010 ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted October 30, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted October 30, 2010 I spent some time by the wife's grave today. She doesn't know... she thinks I'm digging a pond. That made me laugh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted October 30, 2010 Share Posted October 30, 2010 I used to work in a shoe factory, but sadly it burned down whilst we were in there. I was the sole survivor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soprano Posted October 30, 2010 Share Posted October 30, 2010 The supposed Ronnie Barker sketch is brilliant. I actually cried laughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted October 30, 2010 Share Posted October 30, 2010 The supposed Ronnie Barker sketch is brilliant. I actually cried laughing. I don't believe that is a Ronnie Barker thing.. It's really not his style. Far too many spoonerisms for it to be his work. He was a master at spoonerisms and one of the things that made them so good (apart from that his delivery is better than anyone elses) was that they weren't over the top, and when they did come they far funnier than any of those. They were also much cleverer than those. Ronnie Barker would be disappointed that anyone would think he wrote that. (I also not it's not his because I have a huge book called 'All I ever wrote', which I have read cover to cover many times, and that 'sketch' is certainly not in there) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Its rumoured that women have a certain 'spot' and if you hit this spot at exactly the right pace and angle it will turn her to jelly and you will be able to do anything you want to her........ Its called her chin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Gingerlad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted November 2, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted November 2, 2010 My dyslexic mate smeared his dick with boot polish at 1am Sunday morning - he thought he had to turn his cock black. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drat01 Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 I'm "stealing" that one Si :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 What's DNA? The National Dyslexics Association. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him. He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?" The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, "I'm drownig you asshole!!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 Two gays, Rupert and Cecil, are lying in bed together when Rupert starts rubbing Vaseline in his chest. Cecil asks "what are you doing?" Rupert says "I read in a gay magazine that Vaseline stimulates hair growth and I want a hairy chest!" Cecil says "Don't be so **** stupid, if that were true I'd have a ponytail sticking out of my arse" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 There's only one thing worse than shitting the bed:Having to smear it around your wife's arse so she thinks that it's her fault. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted November 4, 2010 Share Posted November 4, 2010 Two gays, Rupert and Cecil, are lying in bed together when Rupert starts rubbing Vaseline in his chest. Cecil asks "what are you doing?" Rupert says "I read in a gay magazine that Vaseline stimulates hair growth and I want a hairy chest!" Cecil says "Don't be so **** stupid, if that were true I'd have a ponytail sticking out of my arse" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 There is this guy, standing on this bus stop with a cucumber in his ear.... and there is this other guy.... standing beside him... and the guy standing beside him... is like "wtf is this guy doing with a cucumber in his ear?" so he asks him... "hey buddy.... why do you have a cucumber in your ear?" and the guy with the cucumber in his ear doesnt say anything back.... so the other guy asks again... "hey, why do you have a cucumber in your ear?" this time, the guy with the cucumber in his ear looks at him.... but shakes his head like he doesnt know wtf is going on.... so the guy asks one more time "WHY DO YOU HAVE A CUCUMBER IN YOUR EAR???" so the man with the cucumber in his ear removes it... and replies "sorry, I couldnt hear you I had a cucumber in my ear" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milfner Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 :| Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 Three blind mice went into a pub, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 Love anti jokes. A man walks into a bar. He's an alcohol and it's destroying his family Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 some moar; Doctor: You have three months to live. Patient: I can't pay my bill. Doctor: Well don't worry about it. After you I die I'll just issue a lien against your estate and get my money then. Why did the plane crash? the pilot was a loaf of bread Whats yellow-y brown with dirty spots, can be peeled and cooked in many different ways and is considered very popular in Ireland? A Potato. Whats worse then biting into an apple and finding a worm? The Holocaust Waiter, waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup. I am terribly sorry sir, I will get you a fresh bowl of soup and your dinner is on the house today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shillzz Posted November 5, 2010 Share Posted November 5, 2010 Love anti jokes. A man walks into a bar. He's an alcohol and it's destroying his family Hahaha, actually loughed out loud at that one. Which, in turn, alerted my boss to the fact I wasnt working, do'h. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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