ryanvilla_1994 Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villahero Posted August 12, 2010 Share Posted August 12, 2010 Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 & 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phumfeinz Posted August 17, 2010 Share Posted August 17, 2010 A man has been hospitalised with 6 plastic horses up his ass. A doctor described his condition as stable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Qwpzxjor1 Posted August 19, 2010 Share Posted August 19, 2010 Some say a world without sin is ideal, but I disagree. After all, there's only so many problems which can be answered with cos and tan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 20, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted August 20, 2010 Some say a world without sin is ideal, but I disagree. After all, there's only so many problems which can be answered with cos and tan. Maths jokes FTW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted August 20, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted August 20, 2010 Do we find this funny? Affirmative! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 20, 2010 Share Posted August 20, 2010 On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in heaven. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out." The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?" Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, FOR ****'S SAKE!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me three months to find a **** priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it will take to find a **** lawyer?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juju Posted August 23, 2010 Share Posted August 23, 2010 So far the DEC Pakistan flood relief program has raised nearly £30 milion. Why didn't we just send them James Milner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 All men like to think they are marrying nymphomaniacs. The problem is that after a few years the nympho leaves but the maniac doesn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 24, 2010 Share Posted August 24, 2010 BBC News: Pakistan seeks help from IMF. I may be a dyslexic retard, but even I know that sofas are not going to help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 New Man City advert..... Webuyanycunt.com Webuyanycunt.com Webuyanycunt.com any any any any...Webuyanycunt.com - Any race, any size, any age, any price, from £50 to a hundred mill!Enter your squad number now at Webuyanycunt.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 Hahahahaa :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cracker1234 Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 New Man City advert..... Webuyanycunt.com Webuyanycunt.com Webuyanycunt.com any any any any...Webuyanycunt.com - Any race, any size, any age, any price, from £50 to a hundred mill!Enter your squad number now at Webuyanycunt.com That is fantastic!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KevMur Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator...' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villadude Posted August 28, 2010 Author Share Posted August 28, 2010 I just opened my wheelie bin and a wasp flew out. What kind of sick **** would throw a wasp in a bin? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orkneyvilla Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 Ok here's one - jane in the jungle with tarzan (fairly early in their relationship) one day and begins to wonder about his sex drive. She says ' Tarzan, what do you do for sexual excitement without anybody else around ?' He replies ' Tarzan, um king of jungle go and shag hole in tree'. Jane smiles sympathetically and says 'You dont need to do that now I'm here Tarzan', at which point she takes off her clothes and lies nakes on the ground ready for him and says 'You can make love to me if you want'. Tarzan takes an excited look, throws off his loin cloth walks calmly over and kicks her in the fanny. 'What was that for ?' asks Jane confused. He replies 'Tarzan check for bees first' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 Previous joke must have jogged yer memory eh mate? :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orkneyvilla Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 Ah shit sorry - what about this then - 'i told my date i had a cock like a computer. She asked if it was cos it had loads of ram and a big hard drive.... she was more surprised when she found out it was microsoft with a virus' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 Oh dear! :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 1, 2010 Share Posted September 1, 2010 A man gets onto a bus and sits down After a while there is a big bump, so the man goes to the driver and asks " what was that?" The driver replies " Dont worry it was just a cat" So the passenger sits down again Later there is a second very large bump So the passenger once again asks what it was and this time the driver replys " Dont worry just a small dog" so the passenger sits down again. Later there are two very large bumps. So the passenger gets up and asks what it was. The driver replies " a man in a small heath shirt". The passenger is puzzled and asks why there were two bumps, and the driver replies; " because I had to go onto the pavement to get him" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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