paddy Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 Edgar Davids. Eagerly awaiting 3-D TV since 1992. i like And me, I laughed far too much at that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 So the Germans have said that England's "goal" being disallowed is fine and acceptable as it was simply Karma for the Russian Linesman Incident in '66. Well said Germany, and on a similar note I have opened a wonderfully legitimate new recreational shower chamber that 6 million of you should pop along to, free of charge, and discuss the ins and outs of your Karma theory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Tips on how to masturbate; If you're a girl 1) Get something small if it's your first time, like a lip gloss container. Make sure it's got a rounded tip. 2) Put a little water on it. 3) Get yourself on the ground or your bed. Make sure you're comfortable. 4) Put your feet up on something. Make sure they are higher than your head. Spread your legs. 5) For the ultimate experience, relax first. Just lay there. Think about nothing. And DONT BE NERVOUS. 6) Slowly begin to touch your breasts. Feel them (have your eyes closed or open but if they are open make sure you're not focusing on anything) 7) Keep one hand on your breast and slowly move the other one down to your thigh. (I did not have underwear but I was wearing pants and a shirt, loose pants.) Move your hand up and down your thigh while massaging your breast. 8) With your breast hand, slowly take the lip gloss container or your object of choice. Your clit might start to get a weird feeling like you really want to touch it. DON'T. 9) Tease yourself with the object by gently rubbing the spot between your poophole and vagina. This will drive you nuts. Slowly begin to touch and massage the part right above the hole. (I suggest you know where it is before you start all this.) 10) Rub for a while. Gently, occasionally harder but not too hard yet. 11) At this point you should be aching to rub harder and just get going. Again, don't. If you do not feel this yet, continue the teasing, very gently. 12) Slowly move your fingers to the hole, don't put them in, but just finger it softly. 13) Take your object and place it near the hole and your other hand. Take your free hand off the hole and start to massage your clit harder. (That's the spot above the hole) 14) Slowly stick the object in. Gently, it shouldn't feel good yet. It might hurt a small amount going in. That means you've bumped a sensitive spot. That's not a bad thing, just angle it a little and keep going. 15) Once it's in as far as it can be without losing it to your pussy, begin slowly moving it in and out a little. Don't take it all the way out, just a little. Get faster, and faster. Start massaging your clit HARD. Go nuts. You might feel like your on the brink of an orgasm. You might have one. This feels very good. 16) Then stick it in all the way and start pushing it back and forth hitting the sides of your hole. Faster, faster. Massage clit again. 17) Repeat steps 15 and 16 as much as you want. If you take it out for longer than 30 seconds, I suggest you excite yourself again with the teasing. If you do, it will be worse. Since you have already done it, you're going to want it worse. 18) I would stop with the lip gloss for now, don't go on to something bigger. Save that for another night. You could be sore after this but you shouldn't be unless you used something large. If you're a boy 1)Read this. 2)Rub penis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ .... and we're not allowed to post pictures of tits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 29, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 29, 2010 Bin Dunne Robert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted June 29, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 29, 2010 Q. When is a door not a door? A. When it's ajar. Sometimes it's nice to get back to basics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Q. Why do elephants paint their balls red? A. So they can hide in cherry trees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Q. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? A. A giraffe eating cherries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted June 29, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 29, 2010 Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. One of its legs is both the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. One of its legs is both the same. :? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Q. What's yellow and dangerous? A. Shark infested custard. Q. What lies in the gutter with its wheels in the air? A. A dead bus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
packoman Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Why is there no aspirin in the jungle? Because parrots eat em all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phumfeinz Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. One of its legs is both the same. :? Yeah I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted June 29, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 29, 2010 My wife called me an annoying word removed the other day. I almost choked on my Vuvuzela. Thats good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Yeah I don't get it. You're not meant to. It's absurd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 A duck walked into a bar. Animal control were called and the duck was returned to the park. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chindie Posted June 29, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 29, 2010 What do you call an epileptic in a wheelchair? A Transformer. Won us the quiz joke round a couple of times. Other winners (for other people) What's more horrible than a barrel of dead babies? The live one at the bottom trying to chew it's way out. and Women's rights. I didn't particularly find either of those funny but raised a laugh for pretty much everyone else in the pub. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted June 29, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted June 29, 2010 Bacon and egg in a frying pan. Egg - "God its hot in here!" Bacon - "Feckin hell, a talking egg!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kidlewis Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 what goes ring ring, ring ring, ring ring....OW! Stevie Wonder answering the iron. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 What's more horrible than a barrel of dead babies? The live one at the bottom trying to chew it's way out. what's worse than ten dead babies in one bin? one dead baby in ten bins. -- what's worse than finding a slug in your apple? the holocaust. --- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts