sidcow Posted June 22 VT Supporter Share Posted June 22 2 minutes ago, Robtaylor200 said: Have you seen that Argos are selling 20ft pool tables? The queues are massive 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OutByEaster? Posted June 22 Moderator Share Posted June 22 How do non-binary murderers kill their victims? They slash them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferguson1 Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 International joke day apparently, so………. My mate said to me that he once got his dog to retrieve a stick from 100 miles away. I replied, that’s a bit far-fetched. I went to the doctors and said, I feel like Ive been hit on the head by a set of bongos. The doctor replied, you’ve probably got slight percussion. Every time I put my car in reverse I think, Ahh this takes me back. Did you hear about the recent kidnapping at the local primary school? It’s okay, he woke up. I found a book called “How to solve 50% of your problems”. Thankfully, I bought two! I’ve recently adopted a dog from the local blacksmith. As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door. Being a dyslexic, I once turned up at a toga party dressed as a goat! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anthony Posted July 1 VT Supporter Share Posted July 1 1 hour ago, ferguson1 said: International joke day apparently, so………. My mate said to me that he once got his dog to retrieve a stick from 100 miles away. I replied, that’s a bit far-fetched. I went to the doctors and said, I feel like Ive been hit on the head by a set of bongos. The doctor replied, you’ve probably got slight percussion. Every time I put my car in reverse I think, Ahh this takes me back. Did you hear about the recent kidnapping at the local primary school? It’s okay, he woke up. I found a book called “How to solve 50% of your problems”. Thankfully, I bought two! I’ve recently adopted a dog from the local blacksmith. As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door. Being a dyslexic, I once turned up at a toga party dressed as a goat! Bloody awful, the lot of them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted July 1 VT Supporter Share Posted July 1 1 hour ago, ferguson1 said: International joke day apparently, so………. My mate said to me that he once got his dog to retrieve a stick from 100 miles away. I replied, that’s a bit far-fetched. I went to the doctors and said, I feel like Ive been hit on the head by a set of bongos. The doctor replied, you’ve probably got slight percussion. Every time I put my car in reverse I think, Ahh this takes me back. Did you hear about the recent kidnapping at the local primary school? It’s okay, he woke up. I found a book called “How to solve 50% of your problems”. Thankfully, I bought two! I’ve recently adopted a dog from the local blacksmith. As soon as I got him home, he made a bolt for the door. Being a dyslexic, I once turned up at a toga party dressed as a goat! Is it really international joke day? I'm surprised you didn't tell some jokes in celebration. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BOF Posted July 1 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted July 1 2 hours ago, ferguson1 said: Being a dyslexic, I once turned up at a toga party dressed as a goat! They said being dyslexic I'd never be any good at poetry, but so far I've made 2 lovely vases and a jug. 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 All my dogs brings back to me are little sticks. So I'm demoting him to silver retriever. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitvilla Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 The England team won’t be voting in Thursday’s election. They can’t even find the box, let alone put a cross into it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted July 9 Share Posted July 9 On 01/07/2024 at 16:00, colhint said: All my dogs brings back to me are little sticks. So I'm demoting him to silver retriever. I have a stuffed dog, it's around 100 years old. Taking it to the auction, I wonder what it will fetch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theboyangel Posted July 9 Share Posted July 9 8 hours ago, Robtaylor200 said: I have a stuffed dog, it's around 100 years old. Taking it to the auction, I wonder what it will fetch I have a dog that only responds to commands in Spanish. It’s espanol 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted July 17 Share Posted July 17 Apparently Southgate handed his notice to the FA, but they passed it back, he passed it to Saka, who passed it back to Rice, who passed it back to Trippier, who passed it back. To the keeper. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted July 22 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted July 22 A man is at the funeral of an old friend. He tentatively approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora." The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot." NO... VT... WAIT! BEAR WITH ME... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a word too?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Bargain." The widow replies: "Thanks, that means a great deal." Another man comes up and asks for the same privilege. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Earth." The widow replies, "Thank you, that means the world." Another man comes up and asks if he could say a couple words. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Being alive." The widow replies, "Thank you, he would have liked that." Another man comes up and asks if he could say a word. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Infinity" . The widow replies, "Thank you, that means more than you could possibly imagine." Another man comes up and asks if he could say a word. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Fhqwhgads". The widow replies: "Thanks, you don't know what that means." Another man comes up and says: “Mind if I say a few words too?” She says: “Please do.” The man clears his throat and says: “The Mariana Trench.” The widow replies: “Thanks, that’s really deep.” Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a few words too?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "water pit". The widow replies: "Thanks, I know you mean well." Another man approaches the widow and says: “I’m truly sorry for your loss, he was a great man.” The widow replies: “I’m not sure you understand what’s happening here, do you?” 8 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
one_ian_taylor Posted July 22 VT Supporter Share Posted July 22 5 minutes ago, mjmooney said: A man is at the funeral of an old friend. He tentatively approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora." The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot." NO... VT... WAIT! BEAR WITH ME... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a word too?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "Bargain." The widow replies: "Thanks, that means a great deal." Another man comes up and asks for the same privilege. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Earth." The widow replies, "Thank you, that means the world." Another man comes up and asks if he could say a couple words. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Being alive." The widow replies, "Thank you, he would have liked that." Another man comes up and asks if he could say a word. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Infinity" . The widow replies, "Thank you, that means more than you could possibly imagine." Another man comes up and asks if he could say a word. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says: "Fhqwhgads". The widow replies: "Thanks, you don't know what that means." Another man comes up and says: “Mind if I say a few words too?” She says: “Please do.” The man clears his throat and says: “The Mariana Trench.” The widow replies: “Thanks, that’s really deep.” Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a few words too?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says: "water pit". The widow replies: "Thanks, I know you mean well." Another man approaches the widow and says: “I’m truly sorry for your loss, he was a great man.” The widow replies: “I’m not sure you understand what’s happening here, do you?” And that was Monday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 First time ever me and my girlfriend went birdwatching. It was fantastic. I was trying to identify them and she was counting them. First she said hawk one, but it really got good when she said hawk tuah. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted July 26 Moderator Share Posted July 26 2 minutes ago, colhint said: First time ever me and my girlfriend went birdwatching. It was fantastic. I was trying to identify them and she was counting them. First she said hawk one, but it really got good when she said hawk tuah. Classic case of not needing the last bit. But I'll give you a like anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted August 2 VT Supporter Share Posted August 2 I was struggling to get my wife's attention. So I sat down and looked comfortable. That did the trick. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted August 2 VT Supporter Share Posted August 2 I'm giving up drinking for a month. Sorry...punctuation error: I'm giving up. Drinking for a month. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted August 2 VT Supporter Share Posted August 2 My wife is really smart. When I called her from my friend's phone she immediately knew it was me and answered, "Hi, lover!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted August 3 Moderator Share Posted August 3 8 hours ago, il_serpente said: My wife is really smart. When I called her from my friend's phone she immediately knew it was me and answered, "Hi, lover!" Wrong thread. Should be relationship thread. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted August 19 VT Supporter Share Posted August 19 I always feel disconcerted when I meet an adult Manchester United fan. It just feels like something they should have grown out of by now, like watching Wrestling or riding a bike with their arms folded. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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