Nigel Posted January 1, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted January 1, 2023 My 18-year-old son won £21 million pounds on the lottery last week, I tried to ring him to congratulate him but he didn't want anything to do with me. His foster parents must have raised him to be a right prick. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Rich192 Posted January 3, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted January 3, 2023 I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159.Then it just CLIX. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TreeVillan Posted January 4, 2023 Share Posted January 4, 2023 13 hours ago, Rich192 said: I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159.Then it just CLIX. I'm just gonna assume that's correct but fantastic! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted January 5, 2023 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted January 5, 2023 I got sick at this small hotel in Madrid. I called to the front desk and they told me they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed that such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INN PHYSICIAN!!!! 3 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted January 5, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted January 5, 2023 Liven up your cat’s day by filling its litter tray with Rice Krispies. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Mandy Lifeboats Posted January 7, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted January 7, 2023 Sunak wants all 16 year olds to study maths until they are 18. What difference is 3 years going to make? 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted January 8, 2023 Share Posted January 8, 2023 Women write to agony page My new boyfriend has messed up my kitchen and marked the laminate top making himself a sandwich, didn't even wash up. Should I dump him ? Answer Should he really be having to make himself a sandwich ? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted January 10, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted January 10, 2023 After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the British". One week later, the Irish Department of Agriculture reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in Ireland Pat Kelly, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely feck all. Pat has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Ireland had already gone wireless!!" 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted January 10, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted January 10, 2023 1 hour ago, mjmooney said: After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the British". One week later, the Irish Department of Agriculture reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in Ireland Pat Kelly, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely feck all. Pat has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Ireland had already gone wireless!!" Reminds me of the one about the rumour that copper wire was invented in Scotland by two men fighting over a penny. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TreeVillan Posted January 10, 2023 Share Posted January 10, 2023 2 hours ago, Designer1 said: Reminds me of the one about the rumour that copper wire was invented in Scotland by two men fighting over a penny. Nae rumour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted January 11, 2023 Moderator Share Posted January 11, 2023 17 hours ago, mjmooney said: After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago. Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the British". One week later, the Irish Department of Agriculture reported the following: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in Ireland Pat Kelly, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely feck all. Pat has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Ireland had already gone wireless!!" Flanagans Internet Cafe Quote Reeling In The Years – 1934: Flanagans Internet Cafe Because of his crackpot business ideas, Thomas Flanagan was regarded as ‘a mad-man ahead of his time’. His ‘Internet Cafe’ venture was not only unheard of, it made absolutely no sense to the people of Waterford. Thomas spent hours trying to explain to people that one day a global system of interconnected computer networks will use a standard Internet Protocol Suite (TCP/IP) and will serve billions of users worldwide. He struggled to describe it as a network of networks that will consist of millions of private, public, academic, business, and government networks, of local to global scope, that would one day be linked by a broad array of electronic, wireless and optical networking technologies. After four long weeks of ‘cold calling’ potential clients and pitching ‘bizarre photocopying tariffs’ to local business men, Mr. Flanagan was finally arrested for harassment and sent to the local mental institution for an evaluation. Little did he know at the time that he was the first Internet cafe owner in the whole world, but also the first frontal lobotomy patient to be ever treated in Europe. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted January 15, 2023 Share Posted January 15, 2023 I read that Steve Gerrard is bookies favourite to be manager of Poland. I thought fair play, he could be good. Then I read it again and realised it said Poland not Poundland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted January 15, 2023 Share Posted January 15, 2023 Just now, Robtaylor200 said: I read that Steve Gerrard is bookies favourite to be manager of Poland. I thought fair play, he could be good. Then I read it again and realised it said Poland not Poundland Reminded me of an old one My mate called me and said he was in Asda and had seen my name on a loaf of bread, then realised it said Thick Cut 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitvilla Posted January 15, 2023 Share Posted January 15, 2023 On 11/01/2023 at 03:07, BOF said: Flanagans Internet Cafe @mjmooneyand @BOF just loved the juxtaposition of those two jokes. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted January 20, 2023 Share Posted January 20, 2023 A couple of cows were smoking weed and playing poker the steaks were high 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Zen Posted January 20, 2023 Share Posted January 20, 2023 (edited) 8 hours ago, Robtaylor200 said: A couple of cows were smoking weed and playing poker the steaks were high Did they put any milk in the pot? Edited January 20, 2023 by El Zen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OutByEaster? Posted January 20, 2023 Moderator Share Posted January 20, 2023 Let's hear it for protein powder! Whey! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted January 21, 2023 Share Posted January 21, 2023 Eating grass is new,you usually smoke it ?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Robtaylor200 Posted January 25, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted January 25, 2023 (edited) I went into a electrical shop and said "can I have a battery please so that I can tell the time" The guy said "Is it for a clock" I said "I don't know mate that's why I need the battery " Edited January 26, 2023 by Robtaylor200 1 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted January 31, 2023 Share Posted January 31, 2023 I said to the baker How come all your cakes are 50p but that ones a pound He said that's Madeira cake 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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