rjw63 Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 I was pretty excited when my new girlfriend sent me a text message claiming that she loves anal. Then I realised that she is a dyslexic bitch and that she was trying to say she loves Alan, my best friend. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dubbs Posted August 4, 2019 Share Posted August 4, 2019 On 29/07/2019 at 17:18, drat01 said: What is plastic and sings? Polly Murrs This morning, a French man said 'beaucoup' to me, which means a lot. I saw a baby horse disguised using a wig and a false moustache earlier - it was a foal’s pretense. A big tree fell on me once, it had some jokes scratched into the side that was facing away from me. It was difficult at the time, but looking back I can cedar funny side. I suspect my wife has a new job vending the hard outer casing of crustaceans at the beach, though it's really hard to say. I saw an ice cream dessert going through a bereavement earlier. It really looked like it was going through a tough time, so I think Lionel Ritchie was mistaken. Maybe I'm being paranoid but there are 5 Peruvian owls sat on a fence looking in my window.....I think they're Inca hoots I've lost the packaging for my anti-stress medication. I just don't know how much more I can take. Some people say that a Giant Sequoia is better than a Bonsai, but that’s just bigotry. That's why I hate Tim Vine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 5, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted August 5, 2019 On 29/07/2019 at 17:18, drat01 said: This morning, a French man said 'beaucoup' to me, which means a lot. Plethora Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A'Villan Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 Might've told this one before 'cause it's all I've got really. If you're English when you walk into the toilet, and English when you walk out, what are you when you're in the toilet? European.. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 5 hours ago, A'Villan said: Might've told this one before 'cause it's all I've got really. If you're English when you walk into the toilet, and English when you walk out, what are you when you're in the toilet? European.. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Designer1 Posted August 6, 2019 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted August 6, 2019 I played football yesterday on a pitch surfaced with compacted rubble and broken bricks. We won 5-4 on aggregate. 7 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 37 minutes ago, Designer1 said: I played football yesterday on a pitch surfaced with compacted rubble and broken bricks. We won 5-4 on aggregate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enda Posted August 6, 2019 Share Posted August 6, 2019 3 hours ago, rjw63 said: 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted August 7, 2019 Moderator Share Posted August 7, 2019 15 hours ago, Designer1 said: I played football yesterday on a pitch surfaced with compacted rubble and broken bricks. We won 5-4 on aggregate. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 12 hours ago, Enda said: 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted August 7, 2019 VT Supporter Share Posted August 7, 2019 On 06/08/2019 at 03:21, A'Villan said: Might've told this one before 'cause it's all I've got really. If you're English when you walk into the toilet, and English when you walk out, what are you when you're in the toilet? European.. There's an international brothel recently opened near us. The bloke going in is Russian, the one leaving is Finnish, and the one upstairs, Himalayan. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A'Villan Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 51 minutes ago, mjmooney said: There's an international brothel recently opened near us. The bloke going in is Russian, the one leaving is Finnish, and the one upstairs, Himalayan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blandy Posted August 7, 2019 Moderator Share Posted August 7, 2019 55 minutes ago, mjmooney said: There's an international brothel recently opened near us. The bloke going in is Russian, the one leaving is Finnish, and the one upstairs, Himalayan. Good mountain technique needed. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted August 7, 2019 Share Posted August 7, 2019 (edited) 9 minutes ago, blandy said: Good mountain technique needed. You've peaked too soon. Edited August 7, 2019 by AVFC_Hitz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blandy Posted August 7, 2019 Moderator Share Posted August 7, 2019 6 minutes ago, AVFC_Hitz said: You've peaked too soon. I've a range of other opportunities Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Robtaylor200 Posted August 7, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted August 7, 2019 What a strange day First I found a hat full of money Then I got chased by a nutter with a guitar 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted August 7, 2019 Moderator Share Posted August 7, 2019 55 minutes ago, Robtaylor200 said: What a strange day First I found a hat full of money Then I got chased by a nutter with a guitar I may need to rob this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 On 07/08/2019 at 16:44, BOF said: I may need to rob this. I did Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted August 8, 2019 Share Posted August 8, 2019 (edited) What's a cheetah's favorite food? Cheetos. Edited August 8, 2019 by useless It's actually antelope. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted August 10, 2019 Share Posted August 10, 2019 A veterinarian goes to Wales (sorry) to interview farmers about how thy look after their animals He asks the farmer if can talk to his horse. The farmer laughs and says horses don’t talk. The vet asks the horse if he is OK. The horse says. He treats me well, we ride around the farm, I live in the barn and he feeds me every day. The vet says can I talk to your dog. The farmer laughs again, my dog doesn’t speak he said. Vet asks the dog if he is treated well. The dog replies, we chase the sheep around the hills, I live in the house and I am well fed The Vet asks if he can talk to the sheep. The sheep are all fcking liars says the farmer 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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