Popular Post Troglodyte Posted August 20, 2016 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted August 20, 2016 I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted August 22, 2016 Moderator Share Posted August 22, 2016 On 20/08/2016 at 10:31, NurembergVillan said: Has anyone else got a link within there too? Yep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troglodyte Posted August 23, 2016 VT Supporter Share Posted August 23, 2016 Best jokes of the Edinburgh Fringe, according to comedians selected by Dave. Cue disappointed groans, but some of them are fairly funny (more so in the context of watching the performance, I imagine). Quote 15. Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word. Phil Nicol – 12% 14. I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses. Zoe Lyons – 13% 13. Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer. Arthur Smith – 13% 12. I spotted a marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound. Roger Swift – 14% 11. Hillary Clinton has shown that any woman can be President, as long as your husband did it first.” Michelle Wolf – 15% 10. Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask. Jordan Brookes – 15% 9. Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money? Annie McGrath – 15% 8. Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor. Adele Cliff – 16% 7. I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words. Gary Delaney – 18% 6. Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated. Tiff Stevenson – 20% 5. I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer… came second. Will Duggan – 20% 4. Apparently 1 in 3 Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit. Mark Smith – 21% 3. I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10. Mark Watson – 21% 2. Why is it old people say “there’s no place like home”, yet when you put them in one… Stuart Mitchell – 25% 1. And the winner is... My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart. Masai Graham – 27% 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Brumerican Posted August 23, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2016 Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask. Winner. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted August 23, 2016 Share Posted August 23, 2016 nah I like number 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 The Gerrard / Beatles one ? That's some Tom O'Connor crap right there . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theboyangel Posted August 24, 2016 Share Posted August 24, 2016 2,3,4, 7 and 10 are decent - the rest are all a bit meh (especially the yeastbound marmite van) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BOF Posted August 25, 2016 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted August 25, 2016 The girlfriend texted me "helpmyspacebarisbrokencanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative" Anyone know what "ternative" means? 16 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post choffer Posted September 1, 2016 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted September 1, 2016 A North Korean athlete arrives home, apologises to Kim Jong Un for only getting silver. Kim Jong calmly puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder, looks him in the eye, and says "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get gold in the Paralympics". 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Brumerican Posted September 1, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted September 1, 2016 So I had just ran a bath and then I start tugging off my boxers when I thought to myself ... "I dont half spoil these dogs" 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Designer1 Posted September 8, 2016 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted September 8, 2016 I built an electric fence around my house. My neighbour is dead against it. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blandy Posted September 8, 2016 Moderator Share Posted September 8, 2016 10 minutes ago, Designer1 said: I built an electric fence around my house. My neighbour is dead against it. shocking! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted September 8, 2016 Moderator Share Posted September 8, 2016 19 minutes ago, Designer1 said: I built an electric fence around my house. My neighbour is dead against it. Is he revolting? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted September 8, 2016 Moderator Share Posted September 8, 2016 A well dressed guy went into a bar for a martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. The guy leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring "Well, it looks like plastic." Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "But it feels like rubber." Curious, the guy asked, "What do you have there?" The drunk replied, "Damned if I know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The guy said, "Let me take a look." So the drunk handed it over. The guy rolled it between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is. Where did you get it anyway?" The drunk replied, "Out of my nose". 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BOF Posted September 8, 2016 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted September 8, 2016 In 1272, a Welsh inventor created the first condom using a sheeps lower intestine. In 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking it out of the sheep first. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post V01 Posted September 10, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted September 10, 2016 A farmer buys a young cock. As soon as he gets it home it **** all the Farmers 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch the cock again screws all 150 hens. Next day, it's **** the ducks and the geese too. Sadly later in the day, he finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling overhead. Farmer says, "You deserved it, you horny bastard! "The cock opens one eye,points up and says,"Shhhhhh. They're about to land!!" 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Xela Posted September 30, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted September 30, 2016 A vegan, an atheist, and a Cross-Fitter all walk into a bar. I know because they immediately told everyone. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Have you walked 500 miles? Have you been advised to walk 500 more? If so, you could be entitled to compensation. Call the pro-claimers now. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan. Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 4 hours ago, Xela said: A vegan, an atheist, and a Cross-Fitter all walk into a bar. I know because they immediately told everyone. Thats brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KHV Posted October 1, 2016 Share Posted October 1, 2016 17 hours ago, Xela said: A vegan, an atheist, and a Cross-Fitter all walk into a bar. I know because they immediately told everyone. Quality Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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