villa4europe Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 (edited) Edited January 17, 2016 by useless 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 That only works verbally And I prefer "what's the best thing about having sex with twenty four year olds? There's twenty of them..." I'm going to hell 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 To be honest, if hell is full of people telling hilarious jokes such as that one then sign me up. Heaven will probably have PussEKat doing stand-up 24 hours a day anyway. **** that. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 Did Noah keep his bees in archives? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 Why are elephants grey ? So you can tell them from strawberries. What did Adam say when he saw the elephants comming ?.................Here come the elephants. What did Eve say when she saw the elephants comming ?....................Here come the strawberries, because she was colour-blind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keyblade Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day. I’ve taken up speed reading. I can read “War and Peace” in twenty seconds. It’s only three words but it’s a start. Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? Dunno, they’re just a bit shady. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V01 Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 You are PussEKatt and I claim my £5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guus Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 God: Quick Pete, I don't have time to explain but I need Bowie, Lemmy, John Bradbury, Glenn Frey and that proggy keyboard player... the wizardy guy.St Peter: Er ...Alan Rickman? ...Yes?God: Er...yeah that's the fella... whatevs his name is. Go!St Peter: Alrighty, that's some supergroup you got planned.God: You knows it. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Nigel Posted February 6, 2016 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted February 6, 2016 Sod this im going topical..... Ive just bought Bonnie Tylers Great Goalkeepers DVD. Its totally clips of Joe Hart! 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted February 6, 2016 Share Posted February 6, 2016 16 minutes ago, Nigel said: Sod this im going topical..... Ive just bought Bonnie Tylers Great Goalkeepers DVD. Its totally clips of Joe Hart! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted February 7, 2016 VT Supporter Share Posted February 7, 2016 On 6 February 2016 at 09:44, Nigel said: Ive just bought Bonnie Tylers Great Goalkeepers DVD. Its totally clips of Joe Hart! Funny you posted that today, only this morning I took Bonnie out for a coffee. I asked if she would like to go to Costa and she refused. When I asked why ? she said " I'm holding out for a Nero " 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 As I slipped my finger slowly inside her hole, I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me. "I really need a new boat" I thought to myself. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 On 17/01/2016 at 23:07, useless said: I've just absolutely pissed myself at that 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 Those kid jokes are my favourite jokes. 'The Best Part what is the best part of bread…… bread'. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post useless Posted February 13, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted February 13, 2016 'The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record store ...and asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.” “Certainly.” replies the assistant.“Would you like to listen before you buy it?” "That would be wonderful." says the expert and puts on a pair of headphones. He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant “I'm terribly sorry but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognise any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?” The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologies and lifts the needle onto the next track. Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognise any of these sounds." The assistant apologises again and lifts the needle to the next track. The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage. "This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!" The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over. "What seems to be the problem, sir?" "This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!" The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly. "I'm terrible sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side." ' 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted February 13, 2016 VT Supporter Share Posted February 13, 2016 Brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
useless Posted February 13, 2016 Share Posted February 13, 2016 What did the two universes say when they collided with each other? Nothing as universes can't talk but they did wave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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