Week 6 - Clock it

[leviramsey]

If the defense plays well (barring turnovers), they're not blowing double-digit leads.

[StefanAVFC]

How gutting it is to have both of my teams be ripped apart from the inside because of inept coaches.

[StefanAVFC]

If the defense plays well (barring turnovers), they're not blowing double-digit leads.

If the offense doesn't have ELEVEN(!!!!!!) three and outs in the last 2 weeks, defense aren't put into the situation. I blame the O so much more.

[Milfner]

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS

People gonna start taking us seriously now? Incredible performance. Cam was perfect in that second half, possibly the best I've ever seen him play

[abdomlahor]

There really is no in-between with co-ordinators, is there? They're either the next Belichick or absolute garbage. There's a point when their unit just has to perform for them. The QB also has to take blame as well. If the look isn't good at the line of scrimmage, they have the ability to audible out of it. 

They're the ultimate scapegoats.

[StefanAVFC]

How can you possibly comment? Do you watch Seattle every week?

I do.

We go run, run, pass in the 4th every week to protect the ball. We go 3 and out. It costs us the win, every week.

Even against Detroit, when we won, it was the same shit. We went conservative and gave Stafford the chance to win the game. We were bailed out by Kam.

Wanting Bevell's head isn't something new. I've hated him for 2 seasons now. Check my posts in previous seasons. He's totally inept and our success is in spite of him, not because of him.

I'll never forgive him for SB49 either. word removed.

[leviramsey]

Is Bevell blowing coverages for TDs? There's an argument for blaming the offense if the opponents are coming back by running the ball down the gut, but blown coverages? C'mon man.

If you want someone to blame, Schneider's the one. Not bothering to restock the O Line and not realizing that Sherman can apparently only cover one side of the field...

[StefanAVFC]

This is totally pointless debate because even though I watch every single Seattle game and have done since Bevell has been here, you'll still think you're right.

Cancer on the organisation.

[StefanAVFC]

Run, run, pass, punt

Run, run, pass, punt

Run, run, pass, punt

Run, run, pass, punt

Run, run, pass, punt

Run, run, pass, punt

That's how we finished last week. Loss. Not Bevell's fault?

4th quarter this week.

Run, run, pass, punt

Run, Screen, Pass, punt

Pathetic playcalling.

[abdomlahor]

I'm well aware of the animosity towards him, yes. I was just making a general point about co-ordinators in general and I still think it applies to him to an extent. There's no way it can be solely blamed on his shoulders, is there?  I can comment because I see this argument all the time, and have experienced the exact same thing with Kevin Gilbride a couple of seasons ago. It's a common thing.

What's he had at his disposal? Probably the worst o-line in the league, an oft-injured star running back, and a TE who's not in tune with the QB and shite receivers. You have to consider that because any co-ordinator will struggle with those issues.

He has to be held accountable, of course he does. But so do the players, and the general manager for giving him nothing to work with.

[StefanAVFC]

I'm not solely blaming him and any posts like that are purely post-loss anger.

But he's been a consistent shit part of the team since we've been decent. Even when we've been good, he's been god awful.

Fed up of him.

[StefanAVFC]

Copied from another forum.

Start from week 2:

wk2 : after taking a 17-13 lead, offense ends game with punt, int, fumble

loss 
 

wk3 : bears literally rolled on their back and played dead

easiest win ever 
 

wk4 : after taking a 10 point lead, offense ends the game with punt, fumble, fumble brought back for a td, punt. if it wasn't for kam we would have lost. 

barely a win against a winless team 
 

wk5 : after taking a 24-7 lead, our offense ends with punt, punt, punt, punt, punt, punt 

loss 
 

wk6: after taking a 23-14 lead, our offense ends with punt, punt, punt, punt 

loss

Definitely a theme there. Offense is shite. Playcalling is shite.

[abdomlahor]

I haven't seen the plays or know what was called (you'd know better than me) but some of those punts could have been the result of simple drops, sacks, poor handling or any individual errors on the line resulting in pressure on the QB that the co-ordinator just can't control. You have to take gameflow into account, too. I don't know the situations or anything, but judging by those descriptions there have been a few leads taken in the fourth quarter? By nature, you don't want to throw it too much in that situation. You kind of have to be conservative, so I understand that. Then again, if it isn't working, he might have to look at switching it up so I understand that part too.

Most of it comes back to the offensive line. You can't be effectively conservative without one, which makes short leads in the fourth quarter even more difficult.

Edited October 19, 2015 by abdomlahor

[maqroll]

Cool play, brah

[leviramsey]

I meant to post this before the games (so it's not tied to the Bevell discussion), but I do get a chuckle out of Mike Tanier's preview and predictions.

 

Patriots @ Colts
The Colts are a hypothetical rival of the Patriots, not an actual rival.

 

Rivalry implies something close to equal footing, which means that the Patriots have had few actual rivals this millennium. Here's the list:

• The Giants: The Giants have won their last three meetings with the Patriots. That's rivalry-worthy because two of those meetings took place in the month of February.
• Peyton Manning's teams from 2006-13: Yes, Patriots fans: Manning's teams did actually win their share of meaningful games during this era. No, we don't want to hear an explanation of why each of those wins didn't really count.
• The John Harbaugh-Joe Flacco Ravens: A persistent playoff thorn.
• The Mike Shanahan Broncos: Shanahan's ultra-vanilla system gave Bill Belichick nothing to outsmart from 2001 through 2006, creating a neat rock-paper-scissors effect in the AFC (Patriots beat Peyton, Peyton beats Shanahan, Shanahan beats Patriots).

That's about it. The Steelers always play the Patriots tough, but the teams always miss each other in the playoffs. The Packers only meet the Patriots every four years.

 

Meanwhile, there have been no shortage of hypothetical rivals:

• The current Colts
• The Rex Ryan Jets: They caused all sorts of deviltry for the Patriots, but just because hornets keep stinging you while you rip out your shrubbery doesn't mean you have a rivalry with hornets.
• Peyton Manning's teams from 2001-05: We're thisclose to adding 2014-present to the list.
• The Marvin Lewis Bengals: More like the boss in the third level of a video game than an actual rival.
• The various off-brand Patriots franchises: From the Romeo Crennel Chiefs to the Josh McDaniels Broncos to the Bill O'Brien Texans, it often looks like Belichick purposely sends his assistants (and often his backup quarterbacks) to topple franchises he thinks may start to grow too competitive.
• The Marty Schottenheimer-Norv Turner Chargers: This hypothetical rival may be more like the current Colts than any of the others. The Chargers were a dominant regular-season team with outstanding front-line talent for several seasons. But playoff losses to the Patriots contributed to an internal fissure that tore these Chargers apart.

The Colts don't want to follow in the path of those Chargers, who first changed coaches, then underwent a salary purge, then changed general managers and may soon change cities. At least the Colts won't leave Indy. But an ugly loss to the Patriots may hasten a change of coaches, and if hypothetical-Patriots-rival history is any guide, a potential new opportunity for Josh McDaniels. Patriots 38, Colts 24

 

Panthers @ Seahawks
A gaudy record. A hard-nosed scrambling quarterback who makes just enough big plays with his arm. An offense built around a playmaking tight end. A shutdown cornerback who makes quarterbacks pay for targeting him. One of the NFL's biggest defensive stars, just back from an unexpectedly long absence. A forward-thinking coach working hand-in-glove with a general manager who has a knack for finding diamonds in the rough.

 

The Panthers may not be the best undefeated team in the NFL, but they are the league's best identity thieves. They have become the Seahawks.

 

Cam Newton has become Russell Wilson. Oh, Wilson is much more accurate, and he has the Super Bowl pedigree. He also gets sacked about three times as often as Newton. Newton's goofy grin and first-down gestures don't fit the "hard-nosed" prototype. But then again, "proven champions" haven't run regular figure-eight scrambles 15 yards behind the line of scrimmage since the days of Fran Tarkenton.

 

The Seahawks traded for Jimmy Graham so they could feature their tight end. The Panthers just feature Greg Olsen without making a fuss about it. Olsen, like Graham, is not much of a blocker, but the Panthers realize that the primary function of a pass-catching tight end is to catch passes, not to validate some point about the need to be a complete player.

 

Josh Norman isn't Richard Sherman yet, but there is no cornerback in the NFL playing better right now.

 

Luke Kuechly has been cleared to return after a concussion three weeks ago. Think of Kuechly as the Panthers' Kam Chancellor. The only difference is that teammates like Thomas Davis and A.J. Klein did a better job stepping up in Kuechly's absence than the rest of the Legion did when Chancellor was holding his breath for more money.

 

Riverboat Ron Rivera does not have Pete Carroll's track record, but after the last 10 months, which coach do you want making a goal-line or fourth-down call? John Schneider is the dot-com wunderkind of general managers, but Dave Gettleman keeps grabbing contributors like Mario Addison, Ryan Delaire, Mike Remmers, Andrew Norwell and others off the backs of practice squads and waiver wires. The success rate at the skill positions could be better, but Schneider would kill for the guards and right tackle Gettleman trash-picked over the last two years.

 

The Seahawks have won five straight games against the Panthers, four of them in the modern Wilson-Newton era. The scores of three of those recent games were 16-12, 12-7 and 13-9, giving us a sense of what kind of matchup we are in for. The Seahawks beat the Panthers 31-17 in last year's playoffs, but that was a 14-10 game through three quarters. These teams have been close cousins for years; the Seahawks have just been a little stronger, a little smarter and a little more complete.

 

But now the Panthers have stolen the Seahawks' identity. The style of play and level of offense won't change much. The result will. Panthers 16, Seahawks 12.

 

Broncos @ Browns
Let's dip into the Game Previews mailbag for this matchup.

 

Question: When will the Broncos bench Peyton Manning in favor of Brock Osweiler?
GP: Wow, we're here already? OK. The Denver Post answered this question succinctly.

 

Question: When will the Broncos bench Peyton Manning in favor of 2013 Peyton Manning?
GP: While it would certainly be prudent to replace Manning with the slightly younger version of himself who threw 55 touchdowns and led the Broncos to the Super Bowl, the team lacks the technology to reverse the natural aging process of human cells.

 

Question: What can the Broncos do to turn this miserable, disappointing season around?
GP: The Broncos are 5-0, right? [Checking] Yes, the Broncos are 5-0. They don't look like a Super Bowl team on offense, but they are poised to run away with the AFC West. And the Patriots are dealing with some injuries along the offensive line. That gives the Broncos defense a chance to level the playing field in a few weeks.

 

Question: Can any team beat the unstoppable Broncos?
GP: Hmm, it seems that half of Broncos fans are in a delusional state of thinking everything is A-OK with the team while the other half is comparing current Manning to current Tom Brady and sobbing uncontrollably. A mailbag is no place to find middle ground. Let's field some Browns questions!

 

Question: I have Gary Barnidge fever. How far should I take it?
GP: Good question! Here are some simple guidelines:

• Gary Barnidge jersey: Not a bad idea. You will be wearing it when you clean your garage in three years, but that is the fate of all gritty-fan-favorite jerseys.
• Gary Barnidge tattoo: Depends on the location. Arms and calves OK. A full-size likeness of Barnidge on your back is probably pushing it. Barnidge neck or face tattoos, tramp stamps, etc., are risky. While employers have become more liberal about hiring employees with body art and piercings, no one wants to purchase real estate from someone with "BARNIDGE DAWGPOUND 82 4-EVR" emblazoned across his or her cheek.
• Naming your child "Gary": OK for boys, edgy for girls.
• Naming your child "Barnidge": Eh, it's really no worse than "Madison," you yuppie.
• Shrine to Barnidge with incense and candles in quiet corner of house: Look, most Patriots fans don't even go that far with Brady. Show some decorum.

Question: Have a pick?
GP: Browns games are loopy, high-scoring, back-and-forth affairs. Broncos games are sloppy turnover fests. It's like they swapped places this year. With 75 years' worth of quarterbacks playing against blitz-happy defenses, let's err on the side of a Broncos-style game. Broncos 29, Browns 13

 

Cardinals @ Steelers
Welcome back to 2008! Tina Fey is winking and impersonating Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live! The folks at Marvel studios are gambling that folks just might be interested in watching Robert Downey Jr. play a B-list superhero! MySpace is poised to take over the social networking universe! Katy Perry is kissing a girl, and we all think it's racy and edgy!

 

Also, Bruce Arians is in Pittsburgh, Larry Fitzgerald and Chris Johnson are big stars on winning teams, the Cardinals are in the playoff chase with the help of a once-great quarterback everyone forgot about, and the Wildcat offense is making big headlines!

 

Feeling old yet? Maybe this will do it: The Cardinals signed Dwight Freeney at the start of the week, and they expect him to play Sunday. Arians has not met an old Steelers or Colts player that he wouldn't dunk in his Lazarus Pit. The Steelers had better make sure James Harrison doesn't defect at halftime.

 

One person who definitely doesn't want to relive 2008 is Michael Vick; that was a very, very bad year for him. Vick delivered yet another unlikely comeback on Monday night, but he spent much of the evening playing split end in the strangest, saddest Wildcat package ever to produce a game-winning one-yard touchdown. Only Todd Haley could conceive of a Wildcat that uses Vick exclusively as a decoy, but Haley realizes that Vick has exactly one accurate bomb and one nifty scramble per week left in his body. These resources cannot be squandered.

 

Ben Roethlisberger led the Steelers to a Super Bowl victory over the Cardinals in 2008, with an assist from Arians, with whom he shared an extra-tight quarterback-coordinator relationship. Roethlisberger participated in 7-on-7 drills this week, but 7-on-7s are one step up from a game of catch for the quarterback. Roethlisberger would love to rescue the Steelers from the Wildcat and face off against Arians and Carson Palmer, but it won't happen this week: Roethlisberger was ruled out for Sunday.

 

Arians' Cardinals specialize in exploiting the mistakes of their opponent. They're the least likely team to scratch their heads when Le'Veon Bell takes a direct snap or get fooled when Vick finally uncorks his rollout bomb. The Cardinals came within a few plays of beating the Steelers in the Super Bowl after the 2008 season. This is no Super Bowl, but it's one more chance to prove that Arians' Golden Oldies are top contenders in 2015. Cardinals 31, Steelers 20

 

Bengals @ Bills
Conventional wisdom brain-dump No. 947,815: In the NFL, how healthy you are often determines how good you are.

 

Coley Harvey reported for ESPN in midweek that only four veterans were limited in Bengals practice: Leon Hall, Adam Jones, Brandon Tate and Andrew Whitworth. All of these veterans but Tate frequently skip a midweek practice but suit up on game day.

 

So the Bengals are really healthy. Lo and behold, they are also undefeated, and Andy Dalton is an MVP candidate because Ryan Hewitt and Dane Sanzenbacher are not among his primary targets the way they were at the end of last season.

 

The Bills, meanwhile, are playing poker with Tyrod Taylor's knee injury. Taylor and LeSean McCoy each suited up and ran some drills during midweek practices, but Rex Ryan isn't above sending players out to stretch and play catch for 15 minutes until the reporters are shuffled away from the practice field. Karlos Williams is still going through concussion protocol, Sammy Watkins appears slightly more ready to play than McCoy, and Percy Harvin is in his usual state of being just injured enough to explain another year of unfulfilled expectations.

 

EJ Manuel took most of the practice reps at quarterback this week. The Bills signed speedy Josh Johnson, who has now been on four rosters since August 1 (Bengals, Jets, Colts, Bills) to inhabit the locker they may be wishing Matt Cassel was still using.

 

It would be interesting to watch the full-strength Bills take on the Bengals. That's not going to happen. Instead, we'll watch a reminder that durability is a skill, and that 16 weeks of good health are more valuable in the NFL than eight weeks of brilliance and eight weeks of headlines about MCLs and hamstrings. Bengals 24, Bills 14

 

Redskins @ Jets
Notes and observations on a game between perennial punchlines who have gotten just good enough to be taken semi-seriously this year.

• The Jets contacted the Redskins about a possible Kirk Cousins trade after Geno Smith got punched in the face by a teammate during training camp. That must have been quite a conversation:
  
  Jets: Our unpopular projected starting quarterback just got punched in the face by a teammate. Any interest in trading us Kirk Cousins?
  
  Redskins: Forget Cousins. Tell us more about this quarterback puncher. Does he do it often? Is his fist OK? Can he make it look like an accident?
• DeSean Jackson may return to the field Sunday. Jackson began practicing on his bad hamstring before the Falcons game. Jackson boasted in the preseason that no one can cover him, even Darrelle Revis: "I don't think no one can guard me," Jackson told reporters. "It's how I feel about myself. I don't feel no one can stop me. You can get Darrelle Revis, Richard Sherman—whoever you want to get."
  
  Revis responded to the comments this week, telling reporters, "I don't care if he plays or not. It's about us as a team."
  
  Oooh: cornerback-versus-receiver beefs never, ever get old. As sportswriters, we can't complain about these guys acting like junior high tough guys talking smack at separate lunch tables when we are the gossip-mongers carrying the tales back and forth and tweeting out the OMG results.
• Cousins' streak of multi-interception games in every other start has been going on for his entire career. He threw two interceptions in his second career start (December 15, 2013), two in his fourth, four in his sixth, three in his eighth, and two each in his 10th, 12th and 14th starts. Cousins makes his 15th start this week, so he should be fine: Cousins only has four interceptions in his odd-numbered starts.
  
  Jay Gruden may want to work this even-odd pattern to his advantage: bench Cousins for Colt McCoy or The Unspeakable One to get a win against the Buccaneers next week, burn a Cousins turnover fest in a game the Redskins were going to lose anyway in Foxborough after the bye, get a strong game from Cousins against the Saints the following week—basically, set up his quarterbacks the way high school baseball coaches set up their pitching rotations.
  
  This arrangement, while ridiculous, makes more sense than anything else the Redskins have done with their quarterbacks in the last three seasons.

The Jets are in better shape than the Redskins right now: much healthier, coming off a bye week, far more talented at the skill positions and in the secondary. The Redskins are coping with multiple injuries at key positions, but they can boast a sound offensive line, a stout front seven and a sudden penchant for no-nonsense game-planning.

 

Both the Jets and Redskins have turnover-prone scatter-shooters at quarterback and talented enigmas in the doghouse, but both franchises have done a fine job quashing quarterback controversies since the season started.

 

Of course, somebody has to lose Sunday, and quarterback controversies like the ones the Jets and Redskins built for themselves are never easily quashed. Jets 27, Redskins 20

 

Chiefs @ Vikings
Adrian Peterson told reporters this week that he would invite Jamaal Charles to work out with him in the offseason to help Charles "get him back to doing what he does best."

 

Peterson is known for running up hills, running up stairs, running in sand, flipping truck tires, flipping truck tires while running up stairs uphill in the sand and using other hardcore training techniques to stay healthy well past the life of a running back warranty. If anyone knows an exercise regimen that can keep a player from buckling while dragging an entire football franchise through multiple seasons, it's Peterson. Charles should have looked him up sooner.

 

The Chiefs placed Charles on injured reserve this week and recalled Spencer Ware from their practice squad. Ware is a fullback-halfback tweener who played briefly for the Seahawks. They also added Darrin Reaves to their practice squad; Reaves averaged 2.7 yards per carry for the Panthers last year and 3.5 yards per carry for the Chiefs in the preseason.

 

The Chiefs rounded up the usual non-controversial subjects for running back tryouts this week (Pierre Thomas, former Andy Reid favorite Bryce Brown) but decided to keep the running game in the hands of fumble-prone Knile Davis and sixth-level elven druid Charcandrick West. Factor in the lack of second-through-fifth receivers, a bad line and Alex Smith's downfield limitations, and at least the Chiefs have the element of surprise on their side. The Vikings may have no idea how to defend a team this defenseless.

 

No wonder Peterson is being so generous. The Chiefs are pitiful right now. Charles doesn't need Peterson giving him self-help hints. He needs Peterson giving everyone else on the Chiefs offense self-help hints. Vikings 19, Chiefs 3

 

Bears @ Lions
Jim Caldwell told reporters on Monday that Lions owner Martha Firestone Ford is "not happy, obviously" with the state of the franchise.

 

Martha Firestone Ford is not someone you want to trifle with. Just listen to her name: Martha Firestone Ford. Sounds like Charlize Theron's character in Mad Max: Fury Road. If anyone has the power to summon a fleet of sentient Mustangs and F-150s to chase you across the country and off a cliff, it's Martha Firestone Ford.

 

Firestone Ford has been silent about her role in the Lions organization since her husband William Clay Ford Sr.'s death last March. Female NFL owners are typically glimpsed in the luxury box but seldom heard. There's a double standard in the NFL ownership fraternity. Male owners can strut around the sideline as if they plan to don a headset or helmet and personally solve their team's problems, but female owners must remain behind the Dragon Empress veil and make "We are not amused" remarks through a network of scions or subordinates.

 

Then again, the angry-matriarch routine can frighten the all-dude NFL establishment in a way that another blustery guy in a tailored suit cannot. When Bears chairman George McCaskey said last December that his mother, principal club owner Virginia McCaskey, was "pissed off" at the state of Bears affairs, heads quickly rolled: Marc Trestman and GM Phil Emery were out the door before the mild profanity left Virginia's lips. Women in their 90s like McCaskey and Firestone Ford aren't obligated to give hollow votes of confidence.

 

It's a stretch to say the Bears have completely turned things around under the new regime, but they are playing hard through injuries and apparently buying into the new regime. The Lions looked like they were selling out against the Cardinals last week.

 

So heed Firestone Ford's words well, Caldwell. Hell hath no fury like a duchess of the American auto industry forced to watch Dan Orlovsky play quarterback. Lions 22, Bears 16

 

Ravens @ 49ers
Moments before kickoff at Levi's Stadium:

 

Colin Kaepernick: Great to see you again, Joe Flacco! How has life treated you since we met in the Super Bowl?
Flacco: This season has been rough. I have no idea who my wide receivers are. I think the guy I just warmed up with was Steve Bisciotti's nephew.
Kaepernick: I hear ya, buddy. I just remembered last week how you are supposed to throw one of these things. Remember the good old days? Remember our commercial together?
Flacco: Yeah, that was fun. Do they even make "mighty wings" anymore?
Kaepernick: They replaced them last year with McHummus or something. I heard Larry Bird choked on one.
Flacco: That's an urban legend. Bird wasn't even in those commercials. It was mo-cap CGI Andy Serkis. It cost $15 million but was still cheaper than 30 seconds of Larry Bird.
Kaepernick: At least you still have funny soda commercials. Those headphone ads I appear in? No music in the headphones. It's just Trent Baalke whispering "Conform…conform…"
Flacco: Well, conformity can be fun.

 

Lights darken

 

Kaepernick: A blackout? Now, this really takes me back.
Flacco: How did it get so dark before an outdoor afternoon game?
Kaepernick: Cloudy city. Oh no, coach is having one of his episodes again.
Jim Tomsula: The end is nigh. Repent. Repent!
Kaepernick: Relax coach. It's just another Ravens-49ers blackout.
Tomsula: What blackout? I was just working on my pregame pep talk.
Flacco: So how does this work? Does the nation wait with baited breath for us to return to the field for an amazing momentum shift and thrilling finish?
Kaepernick: No, the nation switches over to Seahawks-Panthers and lets us trudge through this miserable season in peace.
Flacco: Fair enough. But who keeps switching off the power? It must be someone with a vested interest in both spurring a 49ers comeback in the Super Bowl three years ago and humiliating the organization now?
Kaepernick: I suppose we may never know.

 

In a bunker in Ann Arbor

 

Jim Harbaugh: They are gonna totally blame this on Belichick. Mighty wing?
Larry Bird: Don't mind if I do.

 

Ravens 22, 49ers 13

 

Dolphins @ Titans
Beware of anyone under 40 who claims to be "old school." People under 40 grew up in a world of cable television, Nintendo, SUVs, Wal-Mart and Starbucks, travel soccer, public schools with self-esteem programs, home computers, bicycle helmet laws, car seats and parental advisory stickers on the grunge CDs they bought just before the MP3 revolution.

 

"Old-school" thirtysomethings claim to have spent their childhood days herding cattle with Grandpa and their nights skipping stones and chasing junebugs at the old fishin' hole, but they suspiciously also remember every episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. "Old-school" thirtysomethings inherited all of the rhetoric but none of the substance from their grandfathers. At least Grandpa won World War II; Mister Old-School 39-Year-Old proved his mettle by completing Final Fantasy quests.

 

Interim Dolphins head coach Dan Campbell is 39 years old but longs to re-instill the toughness of the bygone era that ended at least 20 years before his playing career. In one of his first acts as head coach, Campbell resuscitated the Oklahoma drill, which most NFL teams no longer use because: a) it causes injuries; b) players slamming directly into each other (instead of one trying to avoid the other to make or avoid a tackle) has little bearing on actual football; c) it causes injuries; d) players hate it; e) hello: injuries; and f) only someone who watched too many war movies thinks that making highly trained professionals smash into each other can magically "instill toughness." But Campbell is "old school," and he wants his Dolphins to be as tough and disciplined as he remembers himself as being back when he wore a leather helmet for George Halas and drove a milk wagon in the offseason.

 

Campbell made other changes, firing defensive coordinator Kevin Coyle in favor of secondary coach Lou Anarumo, hiring Al Saunders to help with the offense, and—get this— moving lockers around so highly paid adult professionals feel a little more like second-graders getting their seats switched for talking too much. Trust Campbell: These motivational tactics were handed down from Hannibal of Carthage to Amos Alonzo Stagg to General Patton to Bill Parcells. They are guaranteed to make the Dolphins tougher, more disciplined and hungrier for success. After all, we all respond positively to getting our stuff moved around for no good reason and being ordered to perform tiresome and humiliating make-work to prove ourselves worthy to serve an obviously temporary boss.

 

What, you don't respond positively to those things? That's because you aren't old school. Bet your parents drove you to school in a minivan instead of making you walk five miles up Mount Snowdrift every day, even weekends.

 

No current NFL franchise has ever fired two head coaches in one season, though some (like the 1978 Patriots) replaced a head coach with a committee of coordinators. The 1941 Steelers were the last team to be coached by three men for three sets of games in one year: team owner Bert Bell coached the first two games, then hired moonlighting Duquesne coach Buff Donelli, who grew tired of coaching two games per weekend and stepped down in favor of Walt Kiesling.

 

So Campbell's job is safe for the rest of 2015. Unless the Dolphins decide to go really old school. Titans 24, Dolphins 6

 

Chargers @ Packers
The Chargers have only beaten the Packers once since the NFL-AFL merger: Dan Fouts threw three touchdown passes in a 34-28 victory at Lambeau Field on October 7, 1984.

 

More recently, Aaron Rodgers and Philip Rivers combined to throw eight touchdowns in a 45-38 Packers victory on November 6, 2011. The game wasn't really that close: Rivers also threw two pick-sixes (so really, he and Rodgers combined for 10 touchdowns) and the Packers led 45-24 in the fourth quarter, when the Chargers made a late run.

 

(Sigh.)

 

Storylines aren't easy to come by in these Chargers-vs.-NFC-North games. The Chargers have no history with any of these teams. When they last toured the NFC North, the Chargers were on the same .500 treadmill they appear to still be stuck upon. The Chargers aren't spoilers, contenders, underachievers, pushovers, rising stars or a collapsing dynasty. They are a team the Packers should beat, but an upset by an unfamiliar foe with a great quarterback and solid overall roster wouldn't be too shocking.

 

(Sigh.)

 

The 1984 Chargers weren't that interesting, either. Packers 24, Chargers 21

 

Texans @ Jaguars
Great moments in Jaguars-Texans history, as compiled by the interns who create broadcast graphics, who sometimes get a little carried away when an awful game features exactly one marquee superstar:

• December 28, 2014: J.J. Watt sacks Blake Bortles three times, once for a game-clinching safety in a Texans win.
• December 7, 2014: J.J. Watt sacks Blake Bortles three times in a Texans win.
• December 5, 2013: J.J. Watt held sackless in Jaguars victory. Nation mourns.
• November 18, 2012: J.J. Watt records a sack and inspires Matt Schaub to throw five touchdowns (how else can you explain it?) in a thrilling overtime victory.
• November 27, 2011: J.J. Watt records his first multi-sack game against the Jaguars.
• December 30, 2007: J.J. Watt watches from his family home in Waukesha, Wisconsin, as Sage Rosenfels leads the Texans to a 42-28 upset of the playoff-bound Jaguars. Watt decides the AFC South needs an influx of star power.
• October 27, 2002: J.J. Watt records three sacks in middle school flag football one day after the Texans beat the Jaguars in their first-ever meeting.
• March 22, 1989: J.J. Watt born in Waukesha. At the moment of his arrival, Paul Tagliabue has a vision of an expanded NFL featuring twice-annual epic Houston-Jacksonville rivalry games.
• The 1830s: European settlers arrive in Eastern Wisconsin and establish a community with the goal of providing the genetic material that will someday spawn a superstar so compelling that he can make bad games between hapless football teams watchable. The community is founded by a man named Morris D. Cutler. We can only assume that his early farmstead was "sacked" by local Native American chief Wautsha, described by early settlers as "tall and athletic, proud in his bearing, dignified and friendly," per the Wisconsin Archeologist (via Wikipedia). Sound familiar? Read the chief's name aloud!

 

 

You can look it all up. Well, some of it, anyway.

 

Now, the tectonic forces that created the spring water of Eastern Wisconsin had Watt in mind during the Paleoarchean Era… Jaguars 22, Texans 21

 

Giants @ Eagles
The Eagles and Giants are always separated by 95 miles of turnpike and are usually separated by no more than a game or two in the NFC East standings. Yet they are polar opposites in many ways:

• The Giants get hammered by their fans for making too few moves in the offseason. The Eagles are getting hammered by nearly everyone for making too many moves in the offseason.
• Tom Coughlin is considered too stodgy and old fashioned to succeed in the innovative modern NFL. Chip Kelly is considered too innovative and modern to succeed in the stodgy, old-fashioned NFL.
• Eli Manning is one of the most durable quarterbacks in NFL history. The old Silly Bandz that are holding Sam Bradford's knees together could snap at any time.
• The Eagles forgot how to score touchdowns at the start of the season. The Giants forgot why to score touchdowns at the start of the season.
• The Giants' three-headed backfield is a cost-effective way to diversify their attack and use unique athletes for specialized tasks. The Eagles' three-headed backfield is a roiling cauldron of intrigue stoked by a bonfire of $1,000 bills.
• The Eagles use a no-huddle offense constantly and won't shut the heck up about it. The Giants use a no-huddle offense more than most teams, but no one talks about it because it doesn't fit the "stodgy, old-fashioned" angle.
• Every move Kelly made this year has been national news. Coughlin and Manning have the Giants on a three-game winning streak and at the top of the NFC East standings, but they aren't getting much attention. Even though they win the Super Bowl every four years. And this is the fourth year.

About the only thing that is certain about Monday night's game is uncertainty. There have been 42-7 and 27-0 final scores going in each direction over the past three years, plus tight games and road wins by each team. Predicting a home-and-home split for these teams is usually a safe bet, but there's nothing predictable or safe about the NFC East this year. Eagles 28, Giants 24

Edited October 19, 2015 by leviramsey

[Milfner]

Russell Wilson didn't throw the ball Josh Norman's way once last night. God damn, he's getting paaaaaaaaaaid very soon.

[maqroll]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZ6g6yKEcug

Edited October 19, 2015 by maqroll

[abdomlahor]

Bet the league can't wait to outlaw that

[maqroll]

Ha, true. Too much fun and excitement there.

[leviramsey]

Sunday was the first day in NFL history where both Tom Brady and Peyton Manning threw pick-sixes.