Laivasse

Oof, unlucky Gabby.

'This has to be Chelsea's easiest away game this season...' How many times have we heard that

I've only just got a chance to sit down and watch this. Anyone fancy telling me what happened for their goal?

To be fair to the OP I think I read something along the same lines in a match report, but it wasn't as simple a stat as 'only the third time in history a team has managed to restict another team to one shot', so I think he's mangled the facts a bit. However, I can't remember what it was either. It was more like 'only the third time a team has managed to restrict another to no shots on target more than once in a season', though even that doesn't sound quite right. Probably didn't warrant a thread but hey-ho.

People expect to come here and not see skits on our piss poor manager's defeatist speech, but we need to be realistic. VT posters are among the elite comedians.

I actually like this about Hutton, possibly the only thing I do like. The hands behind the back thing only started after he'd got away with a couple of handballs in the penalty area which could have cost us games. Clearly he got a bollocking over it. I like to imagine some kind of Clockwork Orange style brainwashing: strapped into a chair, eyes prised open, thumping classical music over a harrowing montage of hapless handballing defenders... The result: though he might often forget where the hell he is on the pitch, though he might tackle like a combine harvester on fire, and though he crosses a ball as if he's trying to shake a wasp's nest off his foot... nevertheless, he never forgets to stick his hands behind his back. This single instruction to Hutton is possibly the closest that Eck has ever come to implementing an actual successful game plan.

Gabby was nowhere near as ineffective under MON as he has been under Houllier and Eck, two managers who have misused him. Bent gets to concentrate on scoring because he's never had to worry about the ridiculous and impossible task of covering Stephen Warnock. Tell any prem striker that's one of their responsibilities and watch them play like a trauma victim.

I'm saying Bent's scoring record is unaffected by periods of being picked out of position. McLeish's idea of a winger is a deep-sitting meatshield for the fullback - that's a position that Gabby should never be playing either. I'm not saying he's a secret MENSA member but when he's fired up and playing instinctually he can be dangerous in his all-round play, as evidenced by his goals and assists in the early season.

But how many times has Bent been played on the wing? Gabby has always liked to run the channels, but lately he drifts wide mindlessly, even when we already have people wide and it results in an empty box. It's because he's become accustomed to playing more like a midfielder than a striker, thanks to Houllier and McLeish.

We certainly would have missed Gabby this season. I worked it out before that his goals and assists before December, in games we drew or won by 1 goal, directly contributed to something like 9 points for us. Check where we'd be in the table right now with 9 fewer points. While it's arguable that another striker from outside could step into Bent's shoes and perform similarly, it's harder to argue that another member of our squad would have filled the hole if we didn't have Gabby early on. If Gabby's so easily replaceable, why didn't N'Zog/Petrov/Bannan/Ireland/Delph replicate his performances at the time and why has nobody replicated them since? No doubt he's looked listless and demotivated so far in 2012, but then it's not like Bent was innocent of that criticism before the injury either.

was expected, rarely a MON team plays somebody off the park Well it's not that I expected Sunderland to dominate Everton, but I expected a scrappy game with both teams up for it. There was only ever one team in it though.

Sounds like an accurate summary of what the whole deal is. The way I see it, though, customers who have already paid hard cash and received broken crap should be priority-one creditors. Not for the sake of preserving GAME as a going concern, but for the sake of integrity and preserving consumer rights, insofar as it's possible in this bad situation. I'm sure it's their physical cash in the tills which has greased the broken gears over the last couple of months. Giving them nothing when in all other situations they'd be entitled by law to a 100% refund sits very, very badly with me. I guess it's kind of a personal bugbear for me, how consumer protection is tossed aside when it's too much of a hassle to worry about.

Everton played Sunderland off the pitch. Surprised me.

A highly professional, competent defender good at reading the game, made extra sharp by the physicality of the Prem... he plays well with Collins, he plays well with Dunne, he plays well at RB, he plays well (despite my own prediction) at LB... For £0 transfer fee I don't think even Valencia realise what a bargain they'll be getting. Just break out the chequebook and give him 1-2 more years at his current wage, ffs. With Eck picking transfer targets, we won't find anything that beats his value.

I don't rate him and I don't think his recent (undeniable) improvement has brought him higher than 'average' tier. Still, having him out is probably a bad thing. Herd would be his best replacement but we need Herd in the centre. Cuellar would also be a good option at RB but we need him at CB over Clark. I just don't know about relying on players like Lichaj when we're in a precarious situation. Lichaj has potential but inexperienced players like him are a gamble in the tense, hostile atmosphere we'll be feeling until the end of the season.

Dunno what you're attempting but imgur.com is a good photobucket alternative for anyone who needs one.

Unbelievable manager. Apparently this multi-million pound job doesn't involve any actual responsibility. You just have to comment on your own team's performance as if you were a pundit.

That's a cynical way of looking at it but I wouldn't go so far as to say it's wrong. Still, I think it's possible that he was just miserable with his footballing situation so he's put his head down and tried hard in order to have something to be proud of. He wants to be appreciated, be it by the manager, the fans or potential buyers, but at least he's realising it's down to him.

But the BBC could be in on hushing it up?? Personally I won't believe that statue isn't there until I don't see it.

0-3 Newcastle. Don't ever take a betting tip from me.

Nice strike. I have Newcastle-supporting family arriving later and conversation will be excruciating so hopefully whatever happens in this match can provide a distraction. I still reckon the baggies aren't out of this. Even just then Fortuné's stupid offside wrote off a decent goal.

Am I correct in recalling that our accounts show a wage increase since O'Neill's departure? If so that tells me all I need to know about Lerner's financial stewardship.

I ran the BBC predictor and had Wigan in 18th on 33 pts at the end, with us scrapping it out on 35pts with Bolton and Blackburn, with a game in hand for us. I entered mostly negative outcomes for us (which I expect) but they weren't quite 'worst case'. Essentially it comes down to Wigan's form (I don't rate QPR's chances at all). Bolton and Blackburn have what it takes to catch up to us, I think, with the pivotal moment being our own game against Bolton. After that, the biggest question becomes 'can Wigan get three wins and a draw or two?' I think it's much more likely that we will stay up, but I can see the route which would take us down and stranger things have happened. Either way this season is a disgrace and should be a sacking offence.

I think the specialist's diagnosis will be profound nausea brought on by an excess of Dutch attacking football. Treatment will consist of a letter of reassurance to Charles, which he'll have to keep in a safe.

There's a story a few pages back about him being out on the lash last Saturday and puking over a car in the carpark.