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Posts posted by Mandy Lifeboats
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A colleague was visibly upset today. We went into caring mode and she tearfully explained that it was her brother's autopsy today. This came as a shock to us all as we didn't know he'd died.
He hadn't.
He was having a biopsy.
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Unfortunately "Worcester is the Paris Of The 80s" relates to the USA city.
I have never understood the saying. Does anyone know? I think it means a city that was once affluent but has fallen into decline????
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An assistant at my local Poundshop completely lost the plot today.
I noticed that the till had charged me £1 for biscuits instead of 2 for £1. As I'd purchased 10 packets I asked for a refund. She gave me £5 back and another 10 packets.
The next person in the queue asked if they stocked a particular kind of kids sweet. Her reply was, "F**k knows love". He was only 8 and he just stared at her in complete amazement. His mom was not amused.
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44 minutes ago, The_Rev said:
Should have taken the number 27, presuming that Breeching's law of bustitution is in play in the 2019 rules.
Why are you assuming Beeching's Law was in play? It was an INTERNATIONAL match. You can't be in nidd if Beeching Law is in play.
It's amateurs like you that make this game a farce.
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The sun and the moon appear the same size if they are together.
But.........
Things closer the horizon seem to be larger than those further away.
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What looks bigger to humans: the sun or the moon?
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1 hour ago, tonyh29 said:
Technically , Alaska is the furtherest East.......
There is some US territory at Runnymede near me where they have the JFK memorial , but the UK retains sovereignty and it's not not a State either , but that could have been a decent trick answer
Alaska is definitely not East. Even if you consider the international date line to be straight.
Runnymede would have be a great trick answer.
If Maine is the correct answer then the closest African country has to be in the north west. So it's Morocco.
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Maine is the furthest East. But I get the feeling there's a trick answer?
Are US armed forces bases technically given a State and it's one of those?
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33 minutes ago, blandy said:
I'm now worried
Look......you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Yes, a few places might need to be erased from the map. Yes, we might have to invade France. But eventually the UK would be symettrical. There would be no North/South divide. Just North/South symmetry.
Map costs would reduce by 50%. Just buy half the country and place it next to a mirror.
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11 minutes ago, choffer said:
Disappointed that given your desire for symmetry, you haven’t thought to rename it East Angular.
Let's not get too ambitious. Once symmetry has been achieved we'll move onto straightening everything. Coastlines, motorways, rivers are all too irregular for my liking.
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3 hours ago, choffer said:
Couldn't you just iron Wales flat instead of just scraping off the mountains? That would give you a much greater landmass but would probably mean you'd have to move more of your cities to maintain symmetry.
Great idea @choffer. It's sensible ideas like that which will see this project succeed. If we ironed Wales, trimmed the edges and moved it slightly it would become the symettrical equivalent to East Anglia. But could we fit it in without having to move Ireland?
More suggestions please.
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I am a bit OCD and I've decided that all of the problems in this country could be solved if we made the UK symmetrical. I've now finalised my plans and I am ready to start it off.
Stage 1 Birmingham. This would remain unchanged initially and would be the central point from which symetry would be measured.
Stage 2 London. It's the biggest city so we leave it where it is. It would be stupid to move a city as big as London.
Stage 3. Bristol and Cardiff would be merged and moved to a new location that makes a symmetrical triangle with Brum and London. This might be somewhere in the Bristol channel but we'll be filling a lot of that in to make the Severn and the Thames match.
Stage 4. Liverpool. Moved slightly to ensure symetry with Bristodiff (see above). The Mersey would be altered to match the Thames and the Severn.
Stage 5. Hull. The last of the 4 cities that will form a square around Brum. It might need to be moved a bit.
Stage 6. Edinburgh stays in the same position.
Now we have the easy stuff sorted we can tackle the more difficult stuff.
Stage 7. We need to create a symmetrical equivalent to Edinburgh. But to do s, it will need to be in France. Invasion is a possibility but could get messy. Much better to swap most of Wales with them. Flattening Wales to be symmetrical with East Anglia is going to be time consuming so we avoid that problem.
Stage 8. Decide whether to fill in the Channel or dig a symmetrical version north of Hull & Liverpool and south of Edinburgh. Filling in the channel would assist with the invasion (Stage 7) and provide a place to put all the rubble from the Welsh mountains (see above).
I'm not sure of the best option for Stage 9. Does anyone have any suggestions?*
*Find a good psychiatrist is already in progress.
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Mornington Crescent World Championship 1994.
The UK player was in nidd and all the laterals were blocked. The Germans amazingly missed the open flank and played Marylebone.
Amazing stuff. What a victory.
Villatalk really should have a Mornington Crescent thread. I am sure we have many amateur players on here.
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Eubank v Benn. 1st fight 1990 (?)
2 people who genuinely hated one another. The match was a brutal affair. After his victory a TV commentator asked Eubank how he felt. Eubank answered "I need to go to the hospital". He did.
Euro 96 and Olympics 2012. Two events that brought the country together and gave us something to be proud of.
NFL on Channel 4 on a Sunday night in the 80s.
Steve Bull's career. Why isn't this a movie? Rejected by WBA he moved to Wolves for a tiny fee. His goals led Wolves from the verge of bankruptcy in the old D4 to D2. He stayed loyal despite big money offers and played for England. Tipton's version of Roy Of The Rovers.
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I've spent the day birdwatching with Sinead O'Connor. We've seen 7 owls and 16 jays.
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When you realise that the attendances at Villa Park next season will exceed the attendances at St Andrews with 2 clubs playing there.
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I suggest the badge could be improved by a few minor tweaks.
The lion should be standing in front of a shield displaying Robbie Savage's severed head. The lion should have the severed head of Robbie Savage in his mouth and be standing on a pile of severed heads that resemble Robbie Savage.
Just a suggestion.
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Hancock's Half Hour. Still funny and relevant to today's world.
The London 2012 Opening Ceremony. I fully expected our Olympics to be an embarrassing shambles. I was wrong. The show blew me away and is one of those shows that will always be in my memory.
Villa European Cup win. I was only 11 but I remember every kick. Sitting on the floor in front of a TV that was tiny by today's standards.
House. Not everyone's cup other tea. But it's unusual for an American comedy to use sarcasm athe it's core.
Fawlty Towers. You started it.
Operation Good Guys. A lesser known improvised Police comedy.
The Clangers. It still reminds me of childhood.
The World At War. This should be on the curriculum for every schoolchild. Lawrence Olivier's commentary is just stunning.
Deep Space 9 - the dominion wars. I hate 90% of Star Trek but these episodes were fabulous.
Morecombe & Wise Christmas Shows. So many classic moments and so many memories.
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I am on holiday with Mrs Lifeboats in Cyprus.
A few days ago we were pondering a visit to a tourist attraction. "Don't worry," declares Mrs Lifeboats "I saw that yesterday. I know where it is". She is to navigation what Myra Hindley is to babysitting and I should have known better.
So off we trot and 15 minutes later we arrive at the local bus station. I am thinking something must be wrong because Mrs Lifeboats regards all forms of public transport as disease ridden cess pits. Is she really taking us on a bus ride?
"Err.........I saw this yesterday and thought it must be a tourIst attraction because of ALL THE BUSES THAT KEPT ARRIVING FULL OF PEOPLE.
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3 hours ago, kurtsimonw said:
Taken a real nosedive lately.
I've missed a few days at work, haven't been eating, I have no desire to get out of bed. I managed to get to work yesterday and spent over an hour with HR, and had to be honest with them. I don't really see the point in life if I'm going to be unhappy. Medication and therapy aren't fixes for my problem, so when I'm seeing someone I just start feeling guilty that I'm wasting time that someone else can benefit from.
I spent the weekend googling about things I shouldn't be, but it's got to the point where I've had enough. I went through this about 18 months ago and my ex just popped up. I doubt there's going to be a miracle to save me this time.
You are not alone.
You are feeling low at the moment and that's not the right time to make any decisions.
Get help.
Get out of the house and do something. Cookery courses are always good. You get to meet new people. Even if none become friends you have still learnt a skill that will help you make friends.
Life can be shit but the alternative (in my opinion) is nothing
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I recommend 1 of these 3 options. I have done all.
Stay at Disney Hotels. They are expensive but you get the benefit of free Disney transport.
Stay on International Drive. Cheaper than Disney but a bit further away. Most hotels provide some transport to the parks. Restaurants are cheaper than Disney.
Rent a villa. The cheapest option for large groups or out of season. I normally go in November and can rent a private villa for about the same as a decent hotel room. But you need to rent a car. Self catering is much cheaper if you use it for breakfasts and evening meals.
It's hard to beat the 14 day Disney passes for park entrance.
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On 01/05/2019 at 18:17, Mandy Lifeboats said:It's been almost 2 years since I posted this story. Since then the offending cuckoo clock was removed. Peace was made and both departments put this behind us.
Today a complaint hit my in-box.
The annoying cuckoo clock has been reinstalled in our rivals office.
Cuckoo clock = DEFCON1.
Although my team has absolutely nothing to do with this......some new matters have emerged.
I am due to go abroad for a month on Saturday. But the date changed at short notice. The cuckoo clock installer was unaware of the date change. I understand that this is just the tip of the iceberg and was planned to occur during my absence.
I held a meeting and said that I would be disappointed if it went too far. One of the team reminded me that in 1990 he went on leave and I made a trifle in his desk drawer. He's correct. I did. Sponge, jelly, custard, cream and sprinkles.
I am now wondering what the hell is planned during my abscence.
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On 24/08/2017 at 18:16, Mandy Lifeboats said:I’ve just got back from work and its been one of the funniest days ever. A few weeks ago a different department complained that we stole their wall clock and swapped it with our broken one. We were quite offended by this allegation. There was absolutely no evidence that we were responsible. I am assured that we were very careful not to leave any evidence when we stole it.
They got so upset by the clock theft and it just encouraged us to escalate the matter. My team contains a “White Hat Hacker” who changed the colour of his hat for a few minutes whilst he reprogrammed their phone extensions. Every time they called a certain phone number it automatically included the speaking clock as a conference call after 5 minutes. Again the complaints came in. Again there was no proof.
Today I got in at 7:30am. A complaint hit my in-box at 8:02. Someone (and I’ve got a bloody good idea who) managed to get into their office overnight and install a cuckoo clock.
I’ve spent most of the day giving assurances that its nothing to do with us. I’m not sure how I maintained my composure when their boss phoned me and whilst he was ranting on there was the distinct sound of 11 cuckoos.
It's been almost 2 years since I posted this story. Since then the offending cuckoo clock was removed. Peace was made and both departments put this behind us.
Today a complaint hit my in-box.
The annoying cuckoo clock has been reinstalled in our rivals office.
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10 Leeds players stand motionless and let Villa score an easy goal. That's fair play.
11 Blouses do the same with Alan Hutton. That's because they're sh1t.
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Please tell me when to stop laughing at SHA
in Other Football
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Jota for Gardner. Hilarious.