chrisp65

non alcoholic beer, is like going down on your sister, it tastes roughly the same but is so very very wrong. Whatever happened to Morpheus? (I think that's the second time someone has asked that in a week)

That can't be right, chimps eat meat and people eat bananas. Wake up people. This trolling is taking a lot longer to get going than I'd imagined.

How's that going? he's off his tits on horse tranx

I've had a Qashqai this week and put a few miles on that. I know people's opinion on them and yes, it wouldn't be my cup of tea either. But needs must. Anyway, the thing I thought was odd was the spec.. It had a giant sunroof almost the size of the whole roof, auto wipers, auto lights, cruise, climate control, 360 degrees of cameras around the car, reversing trickery and all sorts of other stuff. Loaded. But it didn't have auto bloody windows! Had to keep a finger on the button to do the windows - the driver's window had an upgrade on the other three - auto down but not up. Why make a car with alloys, auto wipers and sat nav but not auto windows?

yeah, but if we used to be monkeys - why are there still monkeys? doesn't stand up to some pretty basic scrutiny

New Order Music Complete

and yet more proof that the theory of evolution is bunkum

lyrics to a great old school country and western song now all you need is for the missus to leave you and the house to be reposessed and you've got a hit

What if a giant asteroid is heading towards us and the only way to stop it is to drill a hole and detonate a nuclear warhead deep inside it ? It's never ever the only way. I think the same affect could be achieved with lots of much smaller impacts. Rather than one big hollywood bang, we could fire old Hollywood bangers at it. A steady stream of hasbeen film heroes would, over a period of time, chip away and eventually destroy the asteroid. The exact speed etc., would be calculated depending exactly how imminent our demise was. A rapid fire despatch of Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Nick Cage, Morgan Freeman, Will Smith, and Tommy Lee Jones should be enough to establish how many more we would need to round up and ping into oblivion. Really doesn't need anything more than that.

I'm sticking with my original pitch I've put to the American Education Board. Every teacher should have a sub machine gun. Any attacker can then be repelled. As the teacher has a gun, for the peace of mind of parents, all school kids should be allowed to carry a gun. But a single shot pistol, to prevent killing sprees - we are not idiots. As the teacher and the pupils have guns there is the obvious chance of a fire fight. Every classroom should have two remotely operated and observed high power automatic weapons, controlled by the school secretary. He or she would have a bank of screens and if shooting is getting out of hand, she can spray the room with large calibre gunfire to contain the problem. Obviously, there is a risk of the occasional rogue school secretary, so they will be observed from a bunker somewhere in Nevada by a team of specialists that have a remotely operated drones that can unleash approximately one square acre of hell on anyone that looks a bit twitchy, a bit muslim, or a bit black. This should ensure freedom, civil rights, and a clear moral authority over shitty little mad countries.

rest easy lots of them will be from Up North , or the third world as you call it I tend to use the M4 as my definition of north / south. It's only right the north gets a share.

will we get these 2,000,000 nurses from the third world or actually plan to have some of our own - that's probably the clincher for me

I've had to put up with so much snide arrogant shit today it's actually made me interested in a rugby result. As an Englishman living in Wales, I can empathise. With putting up with snide, arrogant shit that is. Yep, that's pretty much exactly the logic I've had to put up with all **** day, weird from a game that thinks itself so superior.

I bet Cameron will still be able to get one down the Pig's Head though.

I've had to put up with so much snide arrogant shit today it's actually made me interested in a rugby result.

This £100 Billion deterrent that will last 40 years. Firstly, I have absolute confidence that this military high tech project will be delivered on time and to budget. Secondly, I am thoroughly impressed that nothing can be designed or conceived in the next 40 years that could possibly undermine what will clearly be infallible technology. This needs to be pitched to the public in the right way. We can have a british military shield that will last a thousand years, employ a thousand people and melt a thousand cities. OR, you can have an extra £5 in your pocket for a pint. That should put it in perspective at the next election for the average voter.

This doesn't make sense You're already a vinyl collector! it was the fact they'd sold out so I've ordered it, and now have to wait for their delivery day - it wasn't in the shop so rather than walk around the corner to HMV, I've put my name down and they'll 'tweet' me when it arrives - about as old and slow a process as it gets

it was down to me being a cleverdick (very out of character!)

There are too many benefits cheats and we need to start strangling off their supply of lifestyle subsidy and money for free. I'm a big fan of that idea. Benefit fraud is a miniscule problem. According to the DWP's own figures for 2014/15, benefit fraud accounted for 0.7% of the welfare budget. Nearly ten times more went unclaimed by people who were entitled to benefits but either never claimed them or never received them. On a national, governmental scale, it's a total non-issue. Yeah I was being a bit mischievous - by benefits cheats I was obviously referring to giant companies, some multinationals, making millions of profit and then having their wage bill subsidised by the tax payer. Companies that avoid tax then pay people so little the the government has to top up the pay of their employees to get them out of poverty. Companies that relocate and relocate, sucking up local enterprise grants. Tesco, Asda, Morrisons, Sainsbury and Next had their employees wages topped up by a billion pounds by the government (i.e. my tax) last year. It's a mad cycle of state involvement in our everyday lives I'd have thought the average right winger would find abhorrent.

Who is it that we think might attack us that we could then retaliate using trident? Russia? Surely we wouldn't be trading with and have the EU reliant on their fuel lines if we thought they'd nuke us? China? There is absolutely no way we can imagine China could be a nuclear threat - we are paying them billions to design nuclear sites in the west country. India? Not sure I've seen too much military threat from them yet. South Africa? Nah, can't see it. Israel? Nah, can't see it. Pakistan or North Korea? These are surely the only possibilities. Would us having trident stop Pakistan or North Korea nutjob death cults pressing a button? Don't think so. Who, realistically, is the threat? Why would this threat attack us and not attack Switzerland or Paraguay or Australia?

Matsui

I'm afraid there's a bit more to it than that. His party are yet to have a policy discussion on Trident, in making this comment today he has undermined that discussion and said even if his party votes to retain trident he wont use it. I think even his Shadow Defence Secretary realises that as she said his comments were "unhelpful" No, that's exactly the same point. IF the whole party discusses it and decides their policy is not ever to press the button and to decommission, that's a different thing at that point and will probably lose them the next election - so it then remains a purely academic talking point anyway. But Corbyn reiterating that he himself would be against it and wouldn't press the button, but is happy to have a chat is what we all already knew. Corbyn personally not pressing the button in a fantasy future scenario does not automatically equate with us not fighting back in the 2023 nuclear holocaust. I think everything about Corbyn suggests that in a properly shitty massive war scenario with our cities and tens of millions of lives at stake he would declare his utter unsuitability as a war leader and step down. But its all just fantastical guessing of the future with a string of IF words in it. Meanwhile, on planet earth, er, bedroom tax! bastards! has come in whilst the rich are told they can keep more of their money. We've given £3,000,000 to China to promote amateur chinese football and a steel plant in Redcar with 1,700 jobs is closing. No you have missed the point spectacularly, whether you are aware of it or not. Several members of the shadow cabinet disagree with you and have come out and said so today, one Labour MP has said that Corbyn's words would make the "grotesque horror of a nuclear holocaust" more likely.. Corbyn also believes debate is just about making sure people come round to his point of view. It seems you are saying Corbyn will only be prime minister in certain times I think the public have a right to be clear that they vote for a PM. Thankfully he will never have the title Prime Minister so in that respect the point is moot we're going to have to agree to disagree I might be reckless, but I do not personally feel the grotesque horror of a nuclear holocaust is any more likely now than it was three weeks ago.