chrisp65

Daily Heil: Britain and Osbourne Saved from Triple Dip by 'Ding Dong Download' ....News of the breakdown of the statistics within the economy have come to light today. Whilst manufacturing is down again, and the service sector has improved mildly, the main boost to the economy was due to sales of 'Ding Dong The Witch is Dead'. DLT, a long time left wing activist said, 'we should dig her up and tell her that once again she has saved Britain'. George Osbourne was heard to say 'I have a little tear in my eye', '£3.6 million that do cost and apparently there was an after party, well thank you Mark, thank you Dave, thank you Ed, I was busy anyway'.

how many cock pushups can you do? I guess you can only do one... really yeah, one is all you need

jeez stay off the 'roids boys, stay off the 'roids

watched that thing on bears last night that was one messed in the head pair of psycho sex bears

how many cock pushups can you do?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=915KQC6Blb0 the song that pretty much knocked me out of my shoes as a kid http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwUegH22PbQ

we have all manner of different bags and boxes for different things and they go out on different days green sealable box with giant handle for food waste which has to be in green bags inside the box - these get picked up every Thursday green open topped tubs for mixed recyclable waste - glass, tins and paper 1st and 3rd Thursday of month green open topped tubs for mixed recysclable waste - plastic and cardboard 2nd and 4th Thursday of month blue open top box for bags of non recyclable waste - every other Thursday green sack - garden waste - no pick up thru winter, Fridays from March to October **** me, we've had to have a whole wall turned into a rubbish matrix - sometimes, just to punk it up a bit, I put the wrong stuff out nice n early on the wrong day - sends the street into meltdown as everyone starts swapping what recycling they've put out (all the above was completely true until they recently announced, just put everything out every Thursday, which is much less complicated, but less fun)

rigging the pop music charts will see your song banned from the chart - but not in a good way, like ding dong or relax were banned and actually got increased publicity. But banned in a simply removed from the list way. but that's only if you are dumb enough to buy 10,000 copies from the same i.p. address or shop low level chart rigging is called plugging and was a common thing many record labels used to openly employ people to do a plugger would give a shop 20 free copies of a single, as they were free, the shop would try and push selling them as all the cash from sales stayed with the shop. But don't worry if you can't sell them, the plugger will be back on Wednesday to buy them back. With his newly acquired pile of 20 singles he originally gave you, then bought off you, he walks into the next record shop on his rounds and hands them over for free....

Page 19 of your fitting instruction booklet says do not wall hang. The wall fixings supplied with it were to stop it tipping over and crushing your kids and pets. fwiw that's an awful lot of weight pressing down on Ikea particle board. On the presumtion the fixings to the wall are only to the thicker outer framing, there is little support to the thinner shelves where all the weight is. Buying a couple of extendable cupboard legs from the Ikea kitchen department will give you some designer looking piece of mind that it isn't going to collapse. But I can't help thinking that unless you fix a small discreet bracket to the underside of every loaded shelf then you will, over time, see a bit of sag. Instructions also say not to load shelves with more than 13 kilo's, but it's not clear if that's a whole shelf, or a pigeon hole.

and they've previously cooked stuff without loss of life it's a compelling arguement

an excellent day's domestic economics today I'd run up credit card bills of £12,000 so last year I warned the wife and kids they were going to have to suck up some economic pain as I needed to pay down some debts. You can't sustain a borrowing of £12k. So, I've had the kids walking to school, the wife's sandwiches have been basic white bread and peanut butter. I've had to let the window cleaner go and I've cancelled the magazines the kids subscribed to. Personally, I've had a modest rise in my disposable income, but as head of the house, it's important I'm incentivised. I will try and cascade some of this spending of mine. Anyway, I'm glad to announce that household credit card borrowing this year has been reduced to £11, 976.00 It's true what they say, household and national finances are basically the same.

my grade 1 drumming nipper can play along with this beauty... which means I get to play it loud, over and over

I've found an old box of 12" singles!!!!

I've never seen a single episode of Sopranos and only have a vague idea of the premis. But I'm going to invest in the set tomorrow and start watching. Apparently it's 'right up my street'.

..so I'm making good progress along the A whatever between Yeovil and Dorchester earlier today. The guy behind in the fastest car in the world (or it might have been a little Vauxhall), clearly is itching to get past me. But it's single lane, with long bends. I know there is a dual carriageway bit coming up, he knows it too and has started accelerating up to burst past me at the first possible point of two lane heaven. We get to the two lane bit and I see ahead of us a van and trailer on it's side across the road. So I move out half a lane to block the guy behind from overtaking me and I hit the hazards at the same time. He went full on arm waving beeping mental. Well, he did for approx 5 seconds until he worked out why i stopped him. Then it's all double thumbs up and brothers by different mothers. Such extremes of emotion. I'm sure he wouldn't be like that in real life outside of his little car. But I do reckon I stopped an episode of Casualty unfolding.

Yeah we just called those footballs seconded, it's called a football

well I suppose if it wasn't them we'll find out when the next bomb goes off, unless of course it was all a complete CGI hoax, or the FBI did it there needs to be a fair and open trial, but on the surface I can't see too many variables to the verdict

1st Lt Clancy Morrical, is following in the footsteps of Col. Jeannie Leavitt. As are 723 other female USAF fighter pilots. Leavitt clocked up over 300 combat hours over Afghanistan in F 15's. I'd guess the 'average' don't fly F 15's or F 16's and don't drive F1 cars. I'd also guess that if you can come top of class scoring 99.7% in F 16 combat training then you can probably put your ditsy little mind to driving a car around and around a track quickly. No matter how tiring Sterling moss might think that is for a lady. I'd defo agree that on average men are physically bigger and in day to day average life a man will appear more competitive. But that doesn't mean a female can't be F1 world champion. I don't think Sterling Moss is necessarily completely aware of the modern world, he's 83. But I shouldn't make sweeping generalisations about old people.

moving up north to Stoke or Everton could prove a problem for arry, one of the dogs has just signed a long lease on a house and the other one has an accountancy exam coming up

Brad Guzan 'best goalie in prem' having made 200 saves this season (Sunday Independent)

Public Service Broadcasting have the following tour itinerary: 3 MAY STORNOWAY WOODLANDS CENTRE 4 MAY ULLAPOOL THE ARCH INN 5 MAY AVIEMORE OLD BRIDGE INN 7 MAY EDINBURGH THE CAVES 8 MAY GLASGOW ABC2 9 MAY ABERDEEN THE LEMON TREE 10 MAY NEWCASTLE THE CLUNY 11 MAY MIDDLESBROUGH WESTGARTH SOCIAL CLUB 13 MAY LEEDS BRUDENELL SOCIAL CLUB 14 MAY MANCHESTER SOUND CONTROL 15 MAY LIVERPOOL THE KAZIMIER 16 MAY SHEFFIELD THE LEADMILL 17 MAY NOTTINGHAM BODEGA SOCIAL 18 MAY BIRMINGHAM HMV INSTITUTE TEMPLE 20 MAY SOUTHAMPTON ROXX 21 MAY BRIGHTON THE HAUNT 22 MAY LONDON VILLAGE UNDERGROUND 23 MAY CARDIFF CLWB IFOR BACH 24 MAY BRISTOL THE FLEECE 25 MAY NORWICH OPEN 26 MAY MEADOWLANDS LEWES 27 MAY LONDON VILLAGE UNDERGROUND (2ND DATE DUE TO DEMAND!) 28 MAY BELFAST THE STIFF KITTEN 30 MAY CORK CYPRUS AVENUE 31 MAY DUBLIN THE BUTTON FACTORY 1 JUN WYCHWOOD FESTIVAL CHELTENHAM RACECOURSE 6 JUN ISTANBUL BABYLON they're only young, they'll be fine on chips and red bull for a few weeks...

I don't hink you can make them do anything. You can smack your foot through them, or lift them skilfully with a chip. What happens next is pure random factor based on chaos theory, catholic miracle and global warming. That picture has given me a flashback to a summer holiday. Me and my brother got bought one each. He took his on the beach, gave it one kick and the wind took it from Newquay to Lundy in one go. We decided it was too risky to use mine. So kept it safe, got it back to the camp site later that day. Went into the neighbouring field, my dad took the first kick, straight into brambles and punctured. Those are my only two memories of a holiday they probably saved up for 6 months to take us on.

ah yes, a classic, the yoot of today haven't got a clue back in my day, late 70's early 80's the wearing of said brothel creeper on a bank holiday weekend would have seen you chased up and down the prom and the beach and kicked around by skinny kids with shaved heads and stripey blazers

to give both sides of the story I also mentioned the disturbing amount of porn I found under your bed and the fact that somebody had pulled the cable out of the spycam in the bedroom