chrisp65

I was asked for a reference a while back by one of the guys leaving the office, which I duly gave. The guy that was leaving asked me, if I didn't mind, what the ref said. So I typed up on headed paper: I found Mr X X to be mostly adequate most of the time. I'd actually written that I didn't particularly want to give a reference as he was by far the best guy of his grade in the office (which I let him know before he left for his new job). At his leaver interview I asked why he was going, he mumbled some rubbish about how it shouldn't be his job to apply moisturiser.

should we have an 'horrific cock anecdote' thread or would it just fill with stories about Michael Gove?

hey, it was on medical advice, I ain't going to argue with the BMA

I don't mind questions, but equally, some of the answers might be a bit tweeked for a public forum. The circumcision helped for me as the old foreskin was acting as a bit of a restriction. For most it doesn't matter, for me it had become a proper nuisance and the doctor decided it was a good idea to get it sorted at the same time. There was a chance the restriction was triggering a pain which was triggering the attacks. I'd have to say, I wish I'd had it done years ago. We're all different, I'm very much better off without it. I think it was causing a bit of a restriction on full erection and thus contributing to the whole unsatisfactory experience. The onset of the head bombs was sudden though, just one day I was happily at the point of no return and it quite literally felt like someone hit me across the back of the head with a cricket bat. I was doing that whole rubbing my head (as in skull!) and looking for blood. The missus assured me nobody had been lurking in the wardrobe. After a few times even someone as dull as me could work out there was a bit of an issue. I'm quite fond of the occassional horizontal dance so it was quite an easy decision for me to get down the doctors and ask for help. To my surprise they were really interested, my usual doctor bumped me across the corridor to the guy that was already looking into this condition. Rare but not massively rare apparently - except they suspect lots of men just give up on sex rather than take their cock to a doctor. Anyway, first 'cure' was a tablet to take an hour or two before sex. Well unfortunately I'm a bit too rock n roll disorganised to know an hour or two beforehand where the day is heading. Second cure was a tablet to take 'as and when required', well there being no lead up, just WACK, that was of no use. A few sessions with yet another doctor and a techinique was devised to get to about 9.5 out of 10 and stop, build back up to 9.5 out of 10 and stop, then go for it. Quite quickly this technique worked for me and meant 1) I could then go to the full 10 without the skull exploding, and 2) getting there was a much better journey! I can now get away with the occassional pleasant wham bam quicky, but too many and it's back with a vengeance for a week or two. Oh, one more thing, on the advice of the nurse, regularly moisturise and use lube.

Touch of the Peter Cushing as Van Helsing there.

well this story is slightly undermined by me completely forgetting the words / tune but here goes: When Tommy Johnson left Villa for Celtic I ended up in Glasgow in the away end of a european qualifier, the team they were playing got well beaten 6 or 8 nil with Tommy scoring a few. Due to the overwhelming superiority of Celtic the crowd was a little quiet after about goal number 5, except me and 2 other Villa fans in the away end singing : Super, super Tom Super, Super Tom Super, super Tom Super Tommy Johnson ... or whatever the bloody song was, followed a rousing chorus of 'Villa! Villa! Villa!' the first time we did it, he noticed it and looked a bit puzzled, staring over at us in the away end and wondering what the hell was going on second time he scored he gave his main celebration to the Celtic fans then jogged across to the three idiots in the away end, again chanting 'Villa, Villa' and gave us our own little salute and laugh.

they were filming up the road from us on the weekend so needless to say my nipper was there lurking outside celeb spotting, they got to see Jen and a few extras, but fair play to the crew they very briefly let them in for a quick look around then advised them the rest of that day's filming was pretty much scrapped due to the weather, gave them muffins and got rid of them

clearly I'm too much of an old fashioned gentleman to say, but as a general point, a circumcision op 18 months ago has somewhat altered my goal per game ratio I don't understand. Do you mean you're having sex the same amount of times as you were previously, but you're climaxing more or less than you used to? Do Opta know about this? ok, I had a long think about whether to post this - then decided there was a tiny chance somebody out there might benefit from it. So, knowing what a forgiving, caring, sharing community VT is: I previously had 'explosive coital cephalalgia' but only with the missus, never on my own. Thankfully it only ever lasted 5 or 10 minutes but was so intense I thought I was on my way out the first time it happened. By the strangest of coincidences one of the doctors in my surgery was a bit of an expert and used me as part of a study and a paper he presented somewhere or other (with my permission). I had a little surgery and got taught a couple of techniques to control it which, er, everyone is really quite happy with. I think what made me more odd than most, was that other than this particular affliction I've never had a standard ordinary headache and don't get hangover headaches. So now, 18 months on, I'm 100% clear of it without any medication. So I guess the answer to the question above is both more games and more goals. I appreciate this is usually a pretty sad and hollow boast in the average mid 40's male, but for me, for now, it's all rather grand. and it makes me happy as per the thread this was a public service announcement

the news was broken today specifically for RBS It was in the middle of their phone / teleconference with journalists announcing they have to find another £8 billion on top of what they've already shelled out in compensation and fines. Having announced it was £3.5 billion they then casually added a further £4 billion then mentioned there was about £500 million earmarked for fines then mentioned this likely wasn't the end of it. Then confirmed they wanted to pay bonuses double what is allowed under EU regs, thus triggering the need to ask Osbourne. To be fair, if I had to tell my bosses I might have lost 8 billion more than the 20 odd billion I'd already lost, well, I might as well ask for a double bonus at the same time and see how it goes. You don't get if you don't ask.

lovely idea, but having poured my soul into the one I sent out - I never received one, which left me all twitter and bisted

as shown by RBS who today have hinted they will ask shareholders (i.e. Mr Osbourne) to endorse banker bonuses of 200% of salary for their top boys total joke

Yes, the one original member does look, more mature. But still good fun. Saw them at the Windmill in Brixton a while ago and they were still great fun.

*brakes* Shirley it's a spilling error, not a granma error? but yeah, 'my badness' nope. You didn't misspell it, you used the wrong word. That's the incorrect use of words, hence it's grammar. Does this make me a grammar Nazi Nazi? I'd say Grammar Gestapo. I'd say grammar gash but it's probably the wrong word

As much as I dislike the man, I can't see what he has done wrong. He doesn't make the rules, he fights against them. Unless you think the rules only apply to the people who are in favour of the EU. Land owner Paul Dacre of Daily Mail infamy outed as money grubbing hypocrit. In other news, bear poop found in densely wooded area and religious leader has odd millinery fetish.

I might be out on a limb here, but that is the only Allen film even remotely worth watching. Way too far up his own backside to bother with. There you go, I said it.

courtesy of @vemsteroo and retwee'd by @brumpic I don't think it was taken this morning!

stay off the Special K kids, it'll **** you up

That's exactly the point though, isn't it? How many of those who would reflexively call for an increase in minimum wage would be as vociferous about taxes on SME's being lowered? Not many I'd wager, because it seems to me that many view employers/business in general as the 'enemy' exploiting the poor workers. Great for one's Marxist cred's but not so smart for running an economy. I think that's quite a wrong assumption. I don't belive I've ever heard any of my marxist cred friends describe the local butcher or novelty shop owner as the enemy. I know a good few people with red cred currently trying to support quite a few start ups. I have heard people query why, locally, Amazon have been given massive state aid to site their mega warehouse in Swansea. Once installed in their free accommodation they've employed a skeleton workforce on pedometers to monitor their minimum wage performance. From there, they are able to undermine the High Streets. Then they pay no tax. But hey, we've got to be competitive in the modern world, right?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1u6628Rdqs

That's what Chrisp said... no really really quite the opposite - it was a very experienced cock doctor and I'm actually quite chuffed with the result if anyone has skype and paypal I'll happily talk them through the whole hilarious experience....

I know we're now well off topic, but apparently they are 'officially' selling Mustangs in the UK now (or soon anyway). I'm sure you already knew that. Anyway, back on to what is currently making me happy, my local footy team is currently up 0:4 away from home, having won our last game 8:0, so a nice positive sporty day.

it's ok nobody will know, I'm buying a large american muscle car

clearly I'm too much of an old fashioned gentleman to say, but as a general point, a circumcision op 18 months ago has somewhat altered my goal per game ratio

Possibly is if jammy toast is a highpoint You have to count sitting in your own house (subject to terms and conditions), eating jammy toast made by hard working Britons, whilst chatting to your best mate as a high point. I personally wouldn't swap that for having a Bentley but being a dick or other equivalent scenarios.