chrisp65

yes, poor quality show this week too many stereotypes selected

I was walking across the car park of a motorway services earlier in the week when a spiv drove up to me and began his patter: 'scuse me, I wouldn't normally do this, I'm gonna be a bit cheeky.....' He then went on at breakneck speed to explain he had been all day at a sales event flogging S Class Mercs to the rich. His job had been to offer trinkets and inducements to those lucky rich punters. However, at the close of the event he still had a couple of watches left. Rather than take them back to base he had permission off his boss to just flog them off. List price £500, bottom line break even price £280. BUT, today, just today he could let me have his last one for £150. Me: Nah, sorry, nice patter but not interested. Him: Don't be a mug, take it off me for £100 Me: very entertaining, I'm not buying a watch in a car park for £100 Him: ok, how much you got? Me: bye! So, what I'm wondering is - what's the scam? No watch in the final box? Watch is worth a fiver? Watch is nicked? I've missed out on a £500 watch?

responsible

as comforting as it may be to some that there are clever aliens out there watching over us with a cure for the common cold and hints on how to build pyramids, reality is that we are alone, just us and god

Lambert out! (still sticking with the two topics)

Cue

I prefer "anti-viscosity facilitation chemical", though unfortunately the acronym of which is AVFC. I don't care about a sore bum, it don't care about me, all I care about is anti-viscosity facilitation chemical. proud history, vigorous future

learn to love the lube t'was a revelation!

if sports were people, golf would be piers morgan, with an erection, bothering your mother in pizzaland

without the passport the only other debris evidence was a Flight of the Conchords DVD - which is why the USA caused that earthquake in Christchurch, New Zealand

virgin on the ridiculous

No reference or link as I've only just heard it on the radio news - but it appears the tory government is about to nationalise the provision of milk to schools ! It's to control the prices they are currently being charged by others for this service apparently. I just thought it really interesting that the tories are re nationalising of all things, school milk for children, when, as we all know it was Thatcher that originally ate babies.

Heresy. How can you not add salt to your meals? I find that incomprehensible. you don't need the salt, you've been conned leave off the salt and guess what, after a little while you can actually taste what the food is like we're being killed with sugar and salt

we're slightly out of sync with the English school hols here, usually by about a week or 10 days but it means that if you can leave the holiday until first week of September the cost of that holiday has usually dropped off the edge of a cliff

golf! always hated the idea of golf and the golf clubhouse and all that Then a few years ago my boss sort of tipped me off that to progress any further I had to do the dirty deed and get into golf and network (the exact reason I didn't like it). Anyway, he used it as an excuse to 'donate' me a decent set of clubs so he could spend stupid money on an even better set. So, I now had 'all the gear, no idea'. I had a few lessons, did a couple of 9 hole courses, did some evening driving range stuff, even had sunday lunch 'at the club'. Hated it. Hated it with a passion. So I sold the clubs and invested the money in beer and music. A couple of months later with our annual golf day approaching the boss asks me how I'm getting on and if I'll join a team. 'oh I gave it up, didn't enjoy it, so I packed it in again, sorry'. That's alright Chris, can I have those clubs back that I lent you.......... ****

How many countries are **** up because of the actions of the British or other colonial powers though? the answer is somewhere between all of them and none of them there are currently noises coming out of the West Indies that the UK should pay some form of reparation / compensation for leaving them as **** up poor states I've no problem with them winning that case, providing we can simply counter charge Italy, Denmark and France for making us the people we are

Ford drivers with tiny penises

.....and now the search for the plane has been suspended due to bad weather this simply proves there is something really really big and bad going on here we were getting closer and closer to finding out the truth, then the weather changes cloud seeding man, cloud seeding

so to summarise: the plane was abducted by alien muslim gangsters because 1 - it flew a wavey course and didn't just smack down at the earliest opportunity 2 - there are several corrupt muslim countries in the area (they are after all, scientifically proven to be the worst kind of corrupt your muslim corrupt) 3 - a politician in opposition to the govt had just been arrested 4 - the government man looked nervous 5 - nobody knows nuffink these 5 rock solid scientific conclusions prove beyond doubt that the plane is in a jungle hide out for no obvious porpoise after all - that's a really really good way of getting hold of a big plane - much easier than, say, renting one.

did either political baldie win a comb?

send them to an American camp - during UK term time they should be able to avoid Stef* * who in all fairness, I've used as an example to my eldest as somebody that commutes / works / plays in the U.S. as a career option

good man, find something fancy with skulls and cherubs, let me know where it is... (then try and find one older than 1681, posted back in December!)

batting out of his league to be fair nevermind, he can hit the sausage now as revenge